Harry's Potion
by C.Y. Dementress
Summary: Thanks to a malfunctioned potion, Harry and Hermione are forced to view life in a different perspective. Not your ordinary Freaky Friday plot! Warning: may bust lungs and cause sore butts. This was formerly by The Enchantresses but I just changed my PN.
1. What the hell are you doing in my body?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters. They all belong to JK Rowling, period.

**Chapter 1: What the hell are you doing in my body!?**

Harry dropped a handful of mandrake roots in his cauldron then stirred it in. He was about to add some drops of snake's blood when the door of the unused classroom he was in opened.

"There you are Harry." exclaimed a girl with wavy brown hair. "I've been looking for you." Harry snapped his head up.

"Oh sorry 'mione. I've been busy" he said then went back to his potion. Hermione walked slowly towards Harry looking rather apprehensive at the potion he was making.

"What are you doing?" she asked cautiously.

"Hmm..." was Harry's vague reply. Hermione picked up the book that was laying next to the cauldron. The top of the page read "Wolfsbane potion".

_"Wolfsbane?"_ Hemione wondered. "Harry, what do you need the Wolfsbane potion for?"

Harry wiped a trail of sweat from his forehead then replied with a sigh, "Let's just say a certain headmaster gave this extra-hell-of-an assignment to me just because Snape is _too busy_ with his work. Hermione puuullleassse help me and I'll do my homework by myself for a week!" he pleaded.

"Ok"

Hermione took the bowl of wolves' hair and dumped it in. Harry stirred it while picking up a small vial with red liquid. Hermione, seeing this, panicked.

"Harry, don't pou--NO!" she shrieked. But too late, Harry poured the contents into the cauldron. "Now look what you've done! That wasn't liquified gillyweed! That was dragon's blood!!!" Hermione snapped.

"Well, geez, sorry!" Harry snapped back. The surface began to bubble and in one millisecond, the potion exploded in their faces, slamming them across the room, into the wall, and collapsing to the floor.

It had been minutes before Harry came around first.

"groan...wha' the hell..."

He tried to sit up but the pain was overbearing. Instead he rolled over to his back and brushed away a strand of brown hair from his face.

"Brown hair!?"

Harry sat up swiftly, completely ignoring the pain his back, looking at the strand of hair in horror. He felt his face, his glasses were gone and felt no scar on his forehead. Breathing heavily in shock, he looked down, his chest was...well...umm...you know what happened. He was a loss for words but one thing was plainly clear to him:

_He was in Hermione's body!_

Beside him, Hermione began to stir. He watched his own body wince in pain. Harry shakily stood up and walked over to Hermione who was rubbing her--his temples. Harry knelt down next to her and awkwardly tried to explain.

"What happened?" Hermione wearily asked.

"Um...Hermione, we have some sort of problem."  
Hermione focused her eyes then took one look at the "new Harry" then at herself. Her mouth dropped in shock while Harry braced himself for the big blow.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BODY!?!?!?"

Instead of cowering in fear, Harry had to laugh. Seeing himself shriek like that was quite amusing (A/N:I can just imagine that).

"THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, MR. POTTER!!!" Hermione screamed, pointing a threatening finger at her own body. Finally, Harry calmed down and the situation became more serious for him. He started pacing, trying to think of a solution. Hermione conjured some tea to drink to calm her nerves as sighed heavily. Harry's thoughts were broken when he saw Hermione cross her legs and again, he burst out laughing only to stop when his eyes met Hermione's cold hard ones, drinking cup after cup. After a few minutes, he gave up and sat on table next to his stupid potion.

_ "What are going to do?"_

They voiced each others thoughts. Hermione stood up and too started to pace.

"We shouldn't tell anyone. I mean what would happen if the school found out. Unless there's a spell..." She started ranting about different complex spells, something that the real Harry would never be caught doing while walking back and forth in a speed that made Harry dizzy. When she finally tired out she faced a puzzled looking Harry who apparently did not take in a single word.

"Er, come again?" Harry said, frowning. Hermione opened her mouth to say something but her face changed from frustration to worried, with a slight fear in her eyes. Harry grabbed her shoulders,

"What? What is it Hermione?" he said.

Hermione said faintly, "I-I have to..." her words turned into a mumble that Harry couldn't understand.

"What?"

Hermione breathed in deeply, "I have to g-go to the...b-b-bathroom." she whispered.

Harry released her. "So? It's just down the hall, to the--" His face turned pale at the dawning comprehension in his head while Hermione whined like a two year old.

"Oh no..."

They both couldn't think of a solution out of this. If he was in a different situation, he would've found it hilarious.

"Well...umm...oh shit this is bad..."

Hermione hissed a "Don't tell anyone!" before running out of the room as fast as she can.

Harry was just stood there, frozen. He walked to the corner of the room and banged his head hard on the stone wall. "Oh shit, shit, shit." he said in between bangs. Somewhere at the back of his mind a thought occured. " wonder how 'mione is doing?"

--------------------

Hermione fumbled with the zipper which was a problem since she had her eyes shut. It was a good thing everyone was at lunch or else she would have fainted from fright.

_"I will personally KILL Harry after I--no, IF I GET THROUGH THIS."_ she thought furiously. She didn't dare open her eyes as she inhaled her breath and held....  


Um...back to Harry. Oh come on, you already know what happened to Hermione, no need to detail it. I don't wan't to create horrible mental images. [shudders] Anyways, Harry was still banging his head when the door knocked.

"Finally, she's back." he muttered. He opened the door and came face to face with the very last person on earth he'd want to face.

_Draco Malfoy_

**A/N:** Dun dun dun dun. Oooohhh, cliffie! Yeah I'll leave you there for a while until I see some reviews on my screen. Press the little "GO" button there and I'll give you a badjillion cookies!!! **GO!**


	2. Snogging with the EnemyNO THIS IS NOT A ...

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them. Even though I wish to as every Harry Potter does, I can't. sob!

Thanks to my reviewers, **Launigsiae, GrangerGirardiBaudelaireGirl, hermionegranger2004, me,TooLazyToSignIn, Larissa, Keoli & emily**! You guys put a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGEEEEEEE grin on my face! I was jumping on my seat!!! WWWWHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
Whew, ok that's enough.

I_talics_ are Harry's thoughts.

Anyways, TO THE STORY!!! [Chasing music starts]

Previously:

_He opened the door and came face to face with the very last person on earth he'd want to face.  
_

_Draco Malfoy_

**Chapter 2: Snogging with the enemy (NO THIS IS NOT A SLASH FIC!)**

_Malfoy?_ Harry wondered. _"What the hell is he doing here?"_

"There you are Hermione! Where have you been? I didn't see you at lunch." Draco said, looking quite relieved, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder.

_Hermione?_ Harry thought. He grinned sheepishly, in lack of an expression. Inside his head, his brain was working furiously. Since when did Malfoy call her...Then his eyes widened in horror and his jaw was about to dislocate as he hit the comprehension. He remembered what Hermione told him the other day and since he was with Ron that time, and it wasn't a pretty sight. One side of his brain was swearing so badly and the other side was trying extremely hard not to show his true feelings as the message was processed over and over and over again.

_"Hermione's boyfriend is...Malfoy!!! Oh shit..."_

Even though Malfoy is his best friend's boyfriend, that still didn't change his feelings towards Malfoy. He was still the same old bloody git that he used to be. The only difference was that he stopped calling Hermione a 'mudblood' and he slightly lessened the insults now that he was "in love".

Malfoy tilted his head, "Hermione, baby, what's wrong? And why is your forehead red?" He asked, obviously concerned. He brushed his thumb gently on Harry's forehead. Harry resisted the urge to punch him in the guts. He twitched nervously. His muscles worked overtime to try and match the reply he was going to say, and it did seemed quite difficult, considering what situation he was in. Finally he pulled in a smile, well, a rather pained one at that.

"N-nothing... s-sugar muffin." Harry struggled, using those cutesy words girls use on their boyfriends, though quite lamely with his teeth shut together while he tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, something he wasn't used to doing. He felt that he would've rather died by watching Voldemort put on an extremely skimpy red bikini singing "Toxic" while seducing Snape before using "sugar muffin" on Malfoy. If the real Hermione was here, she would have rolled her eyes to the heavens. Malfoy seemed suspicious but decided not to press on.

"So...what are you doing here?" he asked, propping his arm on the door, his eyes travelling inside the room, scanning the cauldron on the table and the potion on the floor. "Uh, what happened in here?" He asked. Harry looked behind him. Sure enough, the potion was all over the room and the cauldron emitted wispy strands of smoke.

"Um, a l-little accident happened when I-I helped...Harry with his potion." he said nervously. It felt odd to say his own name like that, much less being called Hermione. _"Why can't that git leave?"_ he said mentally, feeling quite exasperated. "So...um...if you don't mind, I-I'll--" he said but Malfoy stopped Harry from closing the door with his arm.

"Say, where is Potter?" He asked. "Where is the-boy-who-lived-to-be-a-git?" Harry's cheeks flushed. But he was Hermione's best friend and in her body. He can't ruin her life, which includes her [bleep] boyfriend. That is punching the organs out of Malfoy would be worth it...he resisted.

"Oh...um...he went to the b-bathroom." he stuttered, pleading that Malfoy would leave.

Unfortunately, Fate decided to play a little trick. Malfoy smirked and a malicious look flashed in his eyes. Harry gulped as he took a step backward in fear of the look in his eyes, causing Malfoy to follow him. _"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I'll kill Malfoy when I get back to my body! I swear I'm going to hex him so bad he'll have to eat his food through a straw!"_ he thought, panicking, as he walked backwards. Malfoy pinned his arms on the wall, trapping Hermione or who he thought was Hermione, who was pleading on his life for what he thought would happen would not.

"So, Potter's not here, eh?" Malfoy drawled with a hint of suggestiveness in his tone.

_"He is here, dingbat!"_ Harry thought with his teeth gritted.

"How about we--"

_"WE?!"_

"-do a little something--"

_"No way! Nuh - uh! Not on your life!"_

"-while he's not here?"

_"If I'm thinking what I think your thinking, then FORGET IT!"_

Harry, seeing no other way out, tried. "Um... Mal--Draco, we sh-shouldn't be doing this, you know..." he said weakly. However, he didn't give in. Malfoy smirked again,

"Hermione, we've been doing this in the library ever since." he said. Harry mentally shuddered. He braced himself as Malfoy drew nearer and . . . . he did it.

It started slow and gentle then rough as he got into the mood. Harry sucked in his breath as he pleaded to the Gods to kill Malfoy on the spot. How can the boy who thwarted Voldemort countless times be so vulnerable and stupid in this situation? Gods, please get me the hell out of here! I'm feeling homosexual right now, AND I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT!!!"I finally, after a few minutes of...you know...Malfoy stopped and placed on his trademark smirk.

"I hope that was a preview of tonight's activities." he drawled in the tone that scared Harry. With one swift of his robes he was gone, leaving a VERY [I can't think of a word to describe what Harry would be feeling right now] Harry.

A very sheepish Hermione came back, only to find a ceaselessly gagging Harry on his knees, clutching his throat, spitting now and then.

"Um...Harry?"

"BLECK!"

"What happened?"

Harry settled down, which seemed rather endless. Though still on both knees, he can speak.

"Your--BLECK--boyfriend--spit--just--BLEAUGH--made out--spit--with--gasp--me!" he spluttered. Hermione didn't know whether to laugh or not. She decided, starting with a chuckle which quickly turned into boisterous laughter that was so hard it was almost silent. She collapsed and rolled around the floor, clutching her stomach. Harry stood up, wiping his mouth, and glaring at Hermione.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY, HERMIONE! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF MALFOY STUCK HIS TONGUE DOWN YOUR THROAT!? AND YOU KNOW WHAT!? HE DID!!!" Harry bellowed then shivered violently at the mere thought of it.

"THAT WAS THE WORST THING I EVER EXPERIENCED! A-AND HAVE YOU BEEN SNOGGING MALFOY IN THE LIBRARY!? BLIMEY, NO WONDER YOU FAILED THE LAST CHARMS TEST AND STILL DIDN'T CARE! I NEED BREATH MINTS!!!" He yelled all of this in one breath. All Hermione can do is giggle incoherently.

"Oh...my...God..." she gasped in between giggles. Harry breathed heavily, turning ten different shades of red. Taking sympathy on Harry, she conjured a small tin box of Altoids. Harry grabbed the box and dumped every piece of mint in his mouth (A/N: Go Harry! I couldn't even stand one! They're too strong for me). Sinking to the floor next to Hermione, he sighed deeply, though his eyes are still twitching. It had been an hour before Hermione stopped giggling.

"What did Malfoy mean by 'I hope that was a preview of tonight's activities'?" Harry suddenly asked. Hermione snapped out of her reverie and the worried panicked look replaced her face.

"Oh no...I just remembered."

"What?"

"I have a date with...D-Draco." Hermione said faintly. Harry's twitching eyes widened to the size of saucers in horror.

"Uh-uh! NO! No way! I am not going out with Malfoy if that's what you're thinking!" he snapped. And you thought being in another person's body was already enough... Hermione took off her--err, Harry's glasses and rubbed her eyes. Then she thought of an idea that actually helped.

"Let's go see Dumbledore!" she exclaimed. Both stood up so fast and ran to Dumbledore's office, breaking the speed barrier before Hermione stopped Harry first.

"What now?" Harry asked impatiently. Hermione smiled slyly.

"Cute boxers, by the way." she said, grinning then running off, followed by a crimson faced Harry.

_"Harry, you idiot! Why didn't you think of that earlier!? Dumbledore!!! You would've saved yourself from snogging Malfoy! My boxers are cute!?!?" _

A/N: Hey!!! And that was my favourite chapter! You know I was supposed to end this here but your reviews made me go on! Keep those reviews coming!


	3. Meetings and Revealings

**Disclaimer:** I won't repeat it, yeah I won't repeat it, sorry but I won't. You already know that--FINE, I will! I don't own the characters!  
  
  
  
Thank you to my reviewers! You guys are D BEST!!! If I had wings, I would be flying around the room! Happy, shalala. It's so nice to be happy! Shalala. Everybody should be hap--*gets hit with a brick* OW!  
  
**GrangerGirardiQuagmireGirl:** *hands out a barf bag* Yeah thanks! My sister was also giggling like mad when she read this! I also like the boxers part!  
  
**daichi:** 'course i'll put more chappies. My original plan was to stop there and turn them back to their own selves but the reviews just made me go on! Don't want to disappoint my readers!  
  
**Launigsiae:** Glad to hear that!  
  
**gilda:** I just did. hehe! I tried one from my godmother once, I spat it out!  
  
**chickadee:** TRAUMATIZED! of course! It's just that so many words were in my head to describe Harry's reaction and I can't pick one.  
  
**Miki:** Hey thanks. I wasn't planning any romance by the way.  
  
**Lisa:** Scary, eh? Thanks I will.  
  
**Daintress:** There were so many words in my head I couldn't pick one. Ok I'll read it.  
  
**BamsSk8Chic:** Thanks!  
  
**diamond004:** *gives an oxygen tank* Inhale, exhale. Repeat this as many times you want. Glad you like the boxers part! As a matter of fact, me & my sis already thought of how will it look like. Soon to be revealed on later chaps!  
  
**Peachmelba-the-kickass-wonder-mog:** It's ok! Thanks for reading!   
  
**Tara:** More chaos!  
  
**Lily and James Potter:** Ok, you'll get your _free_ cookie! Just send in $1.00 for the shipment! haha! Just kidding! Your welcome, if I detailed it, I would've also gotten the horrible images. The only horrible mental image was Voldie in the bikini singing "Toxic" while---never mind. Thanks!  
  
**Akalei:** Great minds think alike! Thanks for reading!  
  
**DoeEyesNeko:** Thanks! Sorry, I wasn't planning any romance on this one! Just a bunch of chaotic situations!  
  
**elana:** You will! Thanks for reading!  
  
**lexa:** Um, if you took a look at the genre, it's all humor. no romance. And the DM/HG, that's just for added humor. Thanks for reading!  
  
**Know-It-All 268:** Ooh your psychic! As I mentioned, the 2nd chappie was my fave! Thanks!  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
**Previously:**  
_"Harry, you idiot! Why didn't you think of that earlier!? Dumbledore!!! You would've saved yourself from snogging Malfoy! My boxers are cute!?!?"_  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
**Chapter 3: Meetings and Revealings**  
  
Skidding on the marbled hallway, Harry and Hermione sped down the corridor, knocking a few students here and there and hoping they won't "run" (A/N: pardon the pun) in to anybody else they know which would be a fat chance because since they _are_ breaking the speed barrier, you would just see a flash of black, brown, flesh, and white. They stopped in front of the stone gargoyle, panting with their tongues out and holding their sides. While Hermione sank to the floor, Harry faced the gargoyle then mentally slapped himself, hard. All their energy was wasted in running and they DIDN'T KNOW THE BLOODY PASSWORD! Harry groaned loudly. "What is it, Harry?" Hermione said somewhere below. All Harry can do was glare at the wall with his fist balled up. "I--don't--know--the--fucking--PASSWORD!" he practically screamed the last word and started pacing and ranting/releasing all his frustration. And no, its not because Hermione is PMS'ing. Uh...if that would have an effect to Harry...would it? Ok my brain hurts. If Hermione wasn't so tired, she would've slapped Harry upside in the head then give a sermon about swearing...and her reputation. Bless her she is tired. Hermione dully watched Harry with her hand supporting her head, her eyes following him like watching a game of tennis.  
Both didn't even have the faintest idea that Dumbledore just stepped out of the spiraling staircase and was watching interestedly at "Mr. Granger's" rage about passwords, crazy headmasters, and his current character. When Harry stop to draw in breath, it was then that Dumbledore spoke. "Fascinating Mr Potter. But please, do keep it down. I believe Professor McGonagall is having her class and she might be willingly to put you into detention for such imprecate." he said as calmly as possible. Hermione jumped at the voice and joined Harry in staring at the headmaster. The ancient wizard smiled. "Come with me you two." he said. Hermione glared icily at Harry for swearing using her own "virgin" lips. _"How dare Harry curse like that! He going to ruin MY reputation! Oh wait, I can revenge! I know how his "cute" boxers look like!"_ she thought angrily and possibly evilly as they followed Dumbledore to his office.  
  
"Please take a seat." Dumbledore gestured to the two seats on front of his desk as he sat behind his own. Harry and Hermione slowly sat down. Hermione crossed her legs again which resulted to Harry emitting a loud snigger which he tried to turn into a cough. She glared at him once more and put down her leg. "Professor," Harry said in Hermione's voice, beginning even before Dumbledore opened his mouth. "How did you know that I'm...Harry?" he said curiously, with amazement just obvious in his accent. Dumbledore put the tips of his fingers together. "Believe me Harry, miss Granger here would never swear like that." he said casually. Hermione flushed pink for some reason and Harry was the color of Ron's hair, grinning meekly. "Now," Dumbledore began. "How did you get into each others body?" he said. They shot a glance at each other.  
  
_"Does this man know everything?"_  
  
"Well, it started with the potion you assigned me, professor." Harry said. They both recounted their story, being extremely cautious of what their saying for maybe just one word might lead them to their...ah, unfortunate experience (A/N: You know! *wink wink*). But as they told their tale, a twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes declared to them that he knew what really happened. When they finished, the shimmer was still in his eyes. They gulped and sweatdrops formed behind their head. They couldn't control their crimson faces. Dumbledore just smiled, somewhat amused. "So...isn't there a spell or potion that could reverse us?" Hermione pleadingly asked even before Dumbledore could ask them. He nodded. "Yes, there is. But since this is a complex piece of magic, it might take a week to complete its ritual." he said.  
  
"A WEEK!?" squawked Harry and Hermione.  
  
"But professor--"  
  
"A WEEK!?"  
  
"--can't there be a faster--"  
  
"A WEEK!?"  
  
"--way of reversing--"  
  
"A WEEK!?"  
  
"SHUT UP, HARRY! WE'RE NOT DEAF!"  
  
"Ok."  
  
"--us?"  
  
Dumbledore shook his head gravely. "I'm afraid not, miss Granger. It is the only way." he said. Harry and Hermione sighed in defeat. The ancient wizard observed them for long minutes. "I will summon you two when the ritual is completed." he said dismissively. The two nodded mutely and stood up to leave after saying their "thank you's and goodbye's".  
  
"Oh and Harry," Dumbledore called out. Harry turned to face a "rather huge" smiling headmaster. "Mouthwash would be more effective than mint sweets." he stated casually. Harry turned deep red.  
  
_"This man is FREAKY!"_  
  
"Hermione," Dumbledore called. Hermione turned around. "Please ask mister Potter where did he get those boxer shorts. I would like a pair of them myself." he remarked amusedly. Hermione smirked and nodded pointedly at Harry who, if possible, turned redder.  
  
_"Is the point of this situation about my boxers!?"_  
  
"Professor Dumbledore, what is the password?" Harry suddenly asked, unable to contain himself any longer. "Password. The password is password. I belive that I already named all kinds of sweets that I used after all my years of being a headmaster. I couldn't think of anything else." Dumbledore said simply.  
  
_"I did mention that this man is freaky, right?" _  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~

  
  
They left the office and just kept silent, only talking when anyone greeted them along the hallways. Though they ran into one person whom they just can't avoid.  
  
"Hi guys!"  
  
Ron bounded over to them. They exchanged looks though they were thinking of the same thing.  
  
_"Should we tell him?"_  
  
"Hey! Why did you miss all the classes? It's not like you to skive off." the red head chimed. Harry and Hermione both nodded at each other and grabbed each of Ron's arm. "We need to talk." Hermione said firmly. She and Harry dragged a very confused Ron to an empty classroom and then dropped him on the floor. "Ow! Alright what is it?" he asked, standing up. Hermione took a deep steadying breath. "Um, Ron, listen and listen good. It's about me and Harry." she said slowly. Ron blinked. "Y-you two!? No way..." Ron stuttered. Again, Hermione and Harry exchanged glances, this time of surprise.  
  
_"How did he know?"_  
  
Ron had a mixture of shock and happiness on his face, something that _really_ surprised them. "You guys are an item!?" Ron divulged with glee. "And about time too!" he happily said, grinning like mad while putting his arms around the two, completely unaware that Harry and Hermione just looked at him as though they're ready to kill. "So, tell me. Where did you guys snog? Is that why you skived off classes?" he said. Finally, they can't take in his stupidity. "NO WE ARE NOT AN ITEM!!!" they bellowed at the same time. Ron cowered in fear and looked at them back and forth. "Your not?" he said incredulously. "But then...what did you want to tell me?" Hermione sighed, "Ron just listen. You might not be able to believe us." she said. Ron looked at them suspiciously. "We...um...me and Harry, we..." she began awkwardly. Harry sighed exasperatedly. "We switched bodies." he said simply. Hermione and Harry waited for Ron's reaction, which was an eyebrow raised. Then Ron broke into laughter. "HAHAHA! Very funny guys!" he hooted. "HAHAHA! Good joke! No, really what?" They just stared at him until Hermione shouted over his loud laugh. "Yes Ron, we accidentaly switched bodies. I'm in Harry's body and vice versa!"  
Ron stopped howling and stared at the two. "Okaaaay. Since you guys are my best friends and I'll try to believe you, why don't you prove it." he said, crossing his arms. While Hermione tried to think of something, Harry already had an evillish grin. "Hmm, how about this for evidence. I know for a fact that you sneaked in the girl's dorm to get the book back from Hermione. You peeked in her drawer and when you came back, you said that you saw her...ahem, "undergarments" and this *coughcough* "folded-white-pad-like thingy!" he said casually. Hermione dropped her mouth in shock and glared at Ron, who paled visibly. "YOU WHAT!?" screeched Hermione.  
  
"Aaand," Harry continued, ignoring Ron's desperate mutterings about shutting up. "You _do_ have that picture under your bed of a very "stripped" Christina Aguilera."  
"WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!?" Hermione shrieked.  
  
"And also, you ha--mmf!" Harry was cut of by a very colored Ron who covered Harry's mouth with his free hand, the other balled tightly into a fist. "Alright, alright! Enough! I'm convinced." he snapped. Then the present situation was clear to him. It dawned upon him that his best friends were in a major problem. He slowly lowered his hand and stared devastatingly at the two. "H-how?" he said weakly. Hermione immediately retold the story just like they told Dumbledore, leaving out the _sufferings_ they went through. "Ok. Did you go to Dumbledore?" Ron asked when they finished. "Yeah, but he said it'll take a week to complete some...ritual to change us back." Harry said wearily. "Oh." was all Ron could say. "Wish I can help."  
  
Long moments of silence passed by. It stretched for minutes until Hermione broke it. "What time is it?" she asked. Harry turned his head. "If you've noticed Hermione, I happen to be wearing a watch." he said. "Or, so I used to." he added. Hermione looked at her own wrist, no watch. Then she realized what Harry was talking about. "Oh." she said, taking a glance at his timepiece. It read 5:00. "Oh no!" she gasped. "What?" Harry and Ron said urgently. "I have a date with Draco tonight! I have to--NO, You HAVE to--" she pointed at a stunned Harry. "--get ready!" she said panickly. It seemed that Ron and Harry had both identical expressions, pure horror. "NO WAY! UH-UH! I AM NOT GOING ON A DATE WITH MALFOY!!!" Harry roared. "You have to! It's his birthday today and you'll have to keep that date!" Hermione snapped back. "NO WAY! I'D RATHER DANCE THE TANGO NAKED WITH VOLDEMORT!" (Ron winced, both of the name and the mental image)Harry snapped, looking aghast, "B-b-but...what if he tried to...to..." his words faltered. The memory of him snogging Malfoy was still fresh from his mind. Though it was clear to Hermione what he meant. "Suffer then! I don't wan't him to think that I don't like him!" She snarled, placing her hands on her hips which looked odd on Ron's point of view. "Um, excuse me guys, but...what the hell are you talking about?" Ron said meekly. "Well, I have a date with Draco tonight and HARRY doesn't want to cooperate!" Hermione huffed. Ron placed the same look on Harry as soon he heard it. "Oh no...Hermione! Don't you know that your making Harry as a human sacrifice!" he whined. Hermione rolled her eyes. "It's just one dumb date! Besides, I'll be there under Harry's invisibility cloak to help." she said. "Please?" Harry looked into her pleading eyes. He is her best friend and this time, he felt that he needed to pay her back after all the assignments she've done for him. "Please?" Hermione begged. Harry took a deep breath, signing his own death slip. Sucker...   
  
"Fine..."   
  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
**A/N:** Thank you! Well, this chappie is just to reveal how to reverse them back and how long. And the reason why they told Ron is because they will need his help on the date. Man, the word "BOXERS" keeps on popping in my head. I already have a print in my head! To be revealed in later chaps. I have a favor and I'll bold it so everyone will read it. **Can you please give me embarassing/awkward/stupid/FUNNY situations you want Harry and Hermione to experience? Please and thank you!**  
  
One more thing, do you think I should let Harry experience...umm...menstruation? Would that be too, too cruel? Me and my sis were discussing if we should or not. Tell me pwease!  
  
Next chapter is..._the big date with Draco Malfoy! Mwahahahahaha*coughcough*hahahahaha..._ Me thinks that enough. 


	4. The Human Sacrifice

**Disclaimer:** The time when I own the characters is when I'll become a Phoenix mage. WHY CAN'T I OWN THE CHARACTERS!? waaaaaaaaahhhh!   
Sorry I took so long. I'm going to the gym lately so I have little time to type and I've got a case of the writers block.  
So to make it up for you, I felt generous and I typed a lengthy chappie! MORE HARRY TORTURE!!  
Thank you my dear wonderful readers and reviewers!  
**IT'S SUNSHINE DAY, AFTER TOMORROW, DO ME FREE!!!!!** Inside joke...  
  
**Peachmelba-the-kickass-wonder-mog:** The get-back-at-each-other thingy was exactly what I was thinking, especially the boxers. heehee!  
  
**Launigsiae:** Hmm... I didn't think of that. Harry respects Hermione, as well as the other girls out there...Thanks!  
  
**gilda j:** Ok. Majority wins anyways.  
  
**Lily and James Potter:** Ooh! The boys' showers! Now why didn't I think of that? Hehe, a locker room full of half naked guys. If she was any other girl, it would've been heaven. Thanks for the idea!  
  
**GrangerGirardiQuagmireGirl:** Oh your gonna laugh you ass off when I type how Harry's boxers look like. Thanks!  
  
**lexa:** Sleeping in a dorm? POV? hmm, ok!  
  
**music freak:** Hehehe. The date will be so much fun to write!  
  
**Larissa:** I think I'll squeeze the mens somwhere. Thank you!  
  
**Reaka:** Erection? Um...  
  
**roses in bloom:** Yeah...Poor Harry. I could've lived without knowing that. But thanks!  
  
**diamond004:** *hands out two oxygen tanks and another for this chapter* Breathe...Oh and as for your scene, hell thanks! I might add some snippets from your idea. Yeah...I found it useful alright.  
  
**DoeEyesNeko:** Sorry! majority won. Many voted for Harry to expierience mens'. I have this "thing" that you seem kinda desperate to put Harry and Hermione together, right? _Ang kulit mo talaga!_ Know what language this is? Try to guess what country I am from...  
  
  
Now, the chapter you've been waiting for...THE DATE WITH DRACO MALFOY! Mwahaha--alright I'll shut up now.  
  
  


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**Previously:**  
_"Please?" Hermione begged. Harry took a deep breath, signing his own death slip. Sucker...   
  
"Fine..."_   
  


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**Chapter 4: The Human Sacrifice! **[or the date with Malfoy] Everyone gasp with me! *gasp*   
  
Hermione dragged Harry to the common room with Ron trailing along their wake, attracting a lot of attention from their fellow Gryffindors. She pushed Harry inside the dorm, which was mercifully empty with such force that he landed on the bed. "Ok, first we need you to--" Hermione frantically began as she pulled Harry to on his feet and forced him to sit down in front of a vanity mirror. "--fix your hair. Now what do we do with it?" she said vaguely. "Whats wrong with your hair?" Harry complained. "Washing it would be a good start." Ron suggested, watching Harry's pained expression. Hermione threw a glare at his direction then realized something. She scratched the back of her neck meekly. "Um, Harry? I think you need to take a shower." She said sheepishly. Harry jumped up in a mixture of panic and fright. "No! Hermione please! I thought I had enough!" he whined.  
  
"But you stink!"  
  
"How do I take a bath?"  
  
"I don't care! I just want you to smell good!"  
  
Ron was watching amusedly on Hermione's bed. Seeing Harry and Hermione bickering like that was quite refreshing instead of him. "Hermione, how about lending Harry your swimsuit?" he suddenly piped up, causing the two to goggle at him. Hermione smirked somewhat like her boyfriend and faced Harry who seemed stunned. "Yes, good idea Ron. I do happen to have a swimsuit inside my trunk." she said slyly. Harry glared at his red head so-called best friend, suddenly having this unability to speak. Hermione stalked to her trunk and pulled out a *ahem* _pink_ swimsuit. She handed it to Harry who just stared at it as though it had Snape's face printed on it. "I'm not wearing it." he firmly stated. His face met Hermione's stone Azkaban Dementor ice cold glare that could've made anyone run for their lives and decided that on second thought, the idea sounded better than showering in Hermione's body naked. He took the suit and backed slowly to the bathroom. As soon he slammed the door shut, Hermione's thin McGonagall like lips twitched and turned into a smile. She burst out giggling and later on Ron joined in. "Hey Harry, how does it look like?" Ron shouted. Hermione grabbed and stuffed a pillow from her bed on Ron's face. After the long minutes of silence, they finally heard the drops of water on floor which told them that he got the suit on.  
  
When Harry emerged from the bathroom, he was extremely flushed and his hair was dripping wet all over the place. Ron stuffed his mouth with his fist to stiffle his sniggers with little success. Hermione smiled amusedly and forced Harry on the stool. Harry sat down with his arms crossed and glared at the mirror. "Ok then, next we'll have to dry you." Hermione stated as though she was some beautician doing a stubborn customer's hair. She did a complicated little flick with her wand and dried Harry and her tresses in a instant. Now it was bushy and all over Harry's scowling face. Hermione did another flick and her hair became wavy. She snapped a fancy gold plated clip with her initials **"HG"** encrusted out of diamonds at the topside of her head. Then, for every guys' nightmare, she picked up a compact of powder and held it up. Harry stared at it in revulsion. "What are you going to do?" his dreaded whisper was echoed throughout the room. Hermione rolled her eyes and started to apply forcibly the *shudder* makeup! Lastly, she slid some lipstick on and sprayed perfume on his neck. Though Ron couldn't contain himself any longer. His lungs went of as he rolled on the floor, clutching his stomach cackling. "Hey Hermione, did you know the way you're putting makeup on Harry makes him look gay?" Harry glowered at Ron through the mirror, resisting the urge to hex him as Hermione applied the finishing touches on her face, ignoring Ron's side comments. She stood back to admire her handiwork and left Harry in front of the mirror and to Ron's endless ridicules. Ron walked over to the table with his hands behind his back, grinning like an idiot. "So Harry, enjoying the makeover?" he asked mischievously, uttermost irking Harry who totally regretted telling him about the switch.  
  
"Another word from you and you'll find yourself in black and blue at the hospital wing tomorrow morning."  
  
Hermione came back with a dress that she dished out from her closet and tossed it to Harry. One look of it made Harry's face scrunch up. "I'm not wearing that." He said mulishly. Hermione glared but that didn't work. Harry pouted like a three year old and crossed his arms while Hermione placed her hands on her hips. "You will. It's too late to turn back now." she snapped. "I am not wearing that!" Harry repeated. "It's too...revealing! I can't believe you wear that!" Hermione slapped her (or Harry's) forehead down to her face. "What's so revealing about an off shoulder dress?" she barked, waving the dress in front of Harry. "Don't you have anything else?" He said desperately. "No. Wear that dress!" Hermione demanded. "I'd rather not go on the date." Harry retorted stubbornly. Hermione leaned forward menacingly and snarled, "If you don't wear that dress RIGHT NOW, I'll give you six words. Boxers...Great Hall...people...tomorrow morning. You do the math." Harry's pouting face paled slightly as he spluttered undefined words in dispute. Hermione smirked triumphantly as he snatched the dress and and stomped to the bathroom. But before he reached the door, Hermione grabbed some "underwear" and gave it to Harry who seemed greenish in the face. He took it without a word with Ron laughing in the background.  
  
Finally, he emerged from the bathroom looking a bit awkward. Hermione smiled, "You look great!" she encouraged. Harry didn't know whether to be pleased or embarassed. She took him by the arm and fastened a pair of earrings and a necklace with difficulty. She slipped a matching ring and took a few steps backwards and stared at her own body with delight. Ron even took a moment from exploring the girl's dorm just for curiosity's sake to take a gander at Harry. He grinned lopsidedly, "Nice Harry! You know, if I didn't know that you guys switched bodies, I would've snog 'mione then." he remarked, causing Harry, and possibly Hermione, to blush. Though Hermione tapped her chin with her finger, apparently thinking. "Somethings missing..." she said, circling Harry. "Aha! Shoes!" she said, snapping her fingers. She dug under her bed then pulled out a pair of stilletos and handed it to Harry. Ron snickered, imagining on how Harry can walk on them. Hermione pointed a finger at it, commanding Harry to wear it. Harry hesitantly wore it but wobbled at every step he took resulting him on falling on the floor and landing on his butt. Ron roared with laughter and is now banging his fist on the bed with tears streaming out of his eyes. Hermione rolled her eyes and helped Harry up. "Honestly Harry," she chuckled lightly. "You can balance on a broom but you can't even stand straight on these shoes." Harry steadied himself, "These--you call these shoes--are damn high!" he complained. Hermione caught him before he fell again. "Yeah, so is fifty feet in the air." she retorted. "Come on Harry, just try to balance. Just like when your flying." She got out a last and final thing, a purse to go with the dress. "There! Perfect! You look beautiful, Harry." she said laughing lightly, compared to a certain red head who have been laughing for five minutes already....Harry walked gingerly in front of a full length mirror and stared at it in disbelief.  
  
What he saw--or stared was an elegant Hermione (the original body, of course) in a beautiful white dress. It was off-shoulder and at least one inch above the knee, showing off her slender legs and arms. The top was slightly ruffled and the lower part was willowy. The white buckled stilletos were three inches in height and so was the purse she held. The hair that was once bushy was now exquisitely wavy and was held by a clip. Her fair face glowed like a goddess as silver rose earrings lighted her face features. A matching necklace with the same silver rose for a pendant caressed her graceful neck, following the tender curve of her shapely breast. (A/N:So sorry! I'd go ballistic if I didn't type that!)  
Hermione beamed at her body. She checked the watch she was wearing and it read 6:30. Her plan was to go to the Room of Requirement around 7:00. She only had thirty minutes to spare and she used up those extra minutes by teaching Harry the basics. You know, manners, how to act, complement, kiss(A/N:??? ), etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.   
  
"Let's go." Hermione muttered, throwing a cloak over Harry to cover the dress. Silently, the trio made their way down the stairs, Harry being extremely careful with the killer shoes and not to trip. They settled themselves at a corner of the common room as to not attract attention. Hermione only then realized that missed the most important item, Harry's invisibility cloak. "Ron, could you get Harry's invisibility cloak?" she asked Ron. Ron nodded and went up the dorms leaving Harry and Hermione alone. Hermione used this silence between them to remind Harry what to say and how to act, much to Harry's reluctance. "--and if he calls you "baby cakes", what do you say?" she tested. Harry rolled his eyes and replied, "Pucker up, loser!" Hermione punched him at the arm. "I'm serious, Harry." she snapped. Harry sighed and shuddered, "I call him "honey bear"." he said dully with a hint of sarcasm, rubbing the place where Hermione hit him. She continued testing him and giving tips until Ron returned. They exited quickly before they met anyone else.  
  
The trio ran down hall and once the coast is clear, Hermione and Ron covered themselves under the cloak. They walked to the Room of Requirement and walked past it to open up the entrance (A/N:God, I can't remember how to open it.). They entered and Harry and Ron gawked at the sight. Hermione sure had a clear imagination. If the room wasn't called fancy dining, it would've been called "Malfoy-worthy". The room had a cozy atmosphere that I felt lazy in describing. I'll leave it to your imaginations thanks, besides many fics have done a good job on that. Anyways, Hermione checked if everything were in proper order while Harry and Ron just sat in one of the couches admiring the room. When she was satisfied, she went over to Harry and pulled his arm to stand up. "Now listen, Draco will be here any minute and I want you to remember what I taught you and be good for heaven sakes!" she said feverishly. Harry nodded, hardly listening.  
  
"--oh and by the way, Draco's gift is inside your purse so I want you to give it to him during dinner." Hermione babbled on. Harry came back to earth and decided to shut her up. "'mione, ok I got it." he said. Hermione stopped and took a deep breath. "One more thing Harry--this is important!" she snapped at Harry who rolled his eyes. "I'll be right behind you under the invisibility cloak in case you need help." she said. Harry nodded mutely. "What do I do?" Ron piped up. Hermione turned her head in Ron's direction. "You'll be right next to me. If this date ends late, you can back us up since your head boy." she said simply(A/N:Yup! Ron is head boy in my story, not Draco. Remember the mirror of erised?). "Harry, one last reminder--" Hermione was interupted by a knock on the door. The trio look at each other in horror but Harry's face went from paper white to sickly green.  
  
_He's here!_ dun dun dun dun...  
  
Hermione quickly covered herself with the cloak while hissing, "If he kisses you, just do it!" to Harry. Ron joined her under the cloak and disappeared from Harry's view who was starting to panic slightly. "Open it!" she hissed. "And Ron, be quiet for a change!" Harry shakily walked to the door, almost tripping on the shoes, and he pulled open the door, sweating. It's deja vu all over again. He faced Malfoy with the same courage when he faced Bald-demort (A/N:Well he is bald isn't he?) and the death eaters and pulled in hard for a smile. "Hello Draco. Happy birthday." he said, trying not to grit his teeth together again. Draco replied with a quick kiss that caught Harry off guard. If the slow gentle jazz music wasn't playing in the background, you would've heard a snigger and a light slap. Draco smirked and walked in the room, admiring the atmosphere being completely unaware that Harry was gagging silently right behind him who was closing the door. He was wearing a button up shirt made out some black greenish material and black pants. His hair was "ungelled", down and spiky. Now don't get me started on how his built arms stood out *sigh* because...it's not important (A/N:*wipes drool*). "You look beautiful, Hermione." Draco commented. Harry took a deep breath before answering. "Thank you...uh, h-honey bear." he struggled. Under the cloak, Ron covered his mouth to prevent from bursting again. Harry suddenly remembered what the real Hermione told him and he led Draco to the table that was set in the middle of the room. They both sat down and stared at each other, Harry is sweating again nervously. It was Draco who spoke up first. "So...Mya. Baby cakes. Thanks for the dinner. That's really nice of you."  
  
_"Mya?"_  
  
Harry tried to calm himself before answering since his brain was working overtime, "Yeah, y-your welcome, h-honey bear." At that moment, their food appeared, like the one at the great hall. They proceeded to eat and Draco began to play footsie under the table that made Harry twitch violently. Ron and Hermione peeked carefully under the table to see what made him jerk. Ron stuffed his fist again in his mouth and Hermione had a slight envious look. She came closer to Harry who was eating his food with great difficulty. "Play along!" she hissed. Harry chewed his food and skittishly played footsie with HIS WORST ENEMY (though second to the Dork lord)! "Say something nice about him. Start a conversation." Hermione whispered. Harry picked up a goblet of pumpkin juice and pretended to take a sip. "Like what? Why me?" he muttered. "Your too quiet! He'll think you have some sort of problem." She hissed back.  
  
"Yeah I do have a problem! He is a ferret and his name is Malfoy!"  
  
"Just say something!"  
  
"Like hell what?"  
  
"Like...how sexy he looks tonight."  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
Draco looked up from his cordon bleu. "Did you say something Mya?" Harry, and Hermione, faced Draco. "Um...nothing D-Draco." Harry stuttered. Hermione hissed at Harry before backing away, "Boxers." Harry paled slightly under the make up and gathered all the strength to what he was going to say. "I-It's just that...you l-look *shudder* rather...sexy tonight." he strained, blushing. It took Ron four hands to keep him from howling with glee. "Thank you. So do you." Draco said with the smirk that made Hermione sigh dreamily and Ron looking at her oddly. Harry suddenly recalled about giving the gift during dinner, thanks to the voice in his head. Oh wait, that was Hermione whispering to him. Forget the consience. Harry opened the purse he had and pulled out a small shiny green box with a silver ribbon sealing it. _"Wonder what 'mione got him?"_He thought. He handed it to the other side of the table with a really good acting voice of "Happy birthday, Draco!" Draco untied the ribbon in one pull and grinned at the content of the box. He withdrew a thin gold chain and on its end was a majestic finely polished silver dragon head piece with the word _"Draco"_ embossed on it at the back. "Thanks Mya. It's beautiful...just like you." he breathed charmingly, entranced by the pendant. Hermione blushed bright red, blew a kiss, sighed dreamily again, smiled goofily, and leaned her head on a extremely perplexed Ron. Draco leaned foreward and kissed Harry squarely on the lips and I definetly don't need to explain what Ron is doing just now. When sat back down, Harry just smiled and returned to his food, realizing that he just lost his appetite. He could not totally believe that his rival can actually be a sincere gentlemen for once.  
  
The rest of the dinner went without a flaw, unless of course you counted when Ron snickered a little too loudly or when Harry was about to reveal his switch since he couldn't take it anymore, but Hermione hissed "boxers" just in time. When their plate was desert free, it disappeared and the room began playing to slow ballroom music. Draco smiled, a real smile...a real sexy chaming smi--OH FORGET IT! He stood up and held out his hand to Harry. Hermione rushed to Harry's side and again hissed "Take it." Not really knowing what he was doing, Harry placed his hands--or 'mione's--on Draco's and was led to an open part of the room and where he placed his hands on Harry's waist, who twitched edgily. Harry shakily setted his hands on HIS ENEMY'S (second to Tommy-boy) shoulders. Draco stared *in a singsong mushy tone* lovingly at Hermione's eyes, or who he thought was his widdle Mya. They started slow dancing, it stretched on for minutes, the longer it lasted the more Harry got spooked. The music faded and Draco dropped his arms, so did Harry. "Mya..." he muttered. Harry panicked mentally and readied himself for what was coming next. Memories flashed before his eyes of the experience he had earlier and it was purely agonizing that he had to repeat the show. Draco leaned closer and caught Harry's lips with his (A/N:NOT A SLASH FIC!) and started kissing. Harry tried hard to make it convincing that he was kissing back with the same feelings as Draco. Let's see what's going on under the cloak, shall we? It took every ounce of strength for Ron not to make even a single peep. Hermione crossed her arms and watched them make out, wishing that she was back at her body that very moment. Sometime after what? ten minutes of snogging, Draco parted, leaving Harry feeling extremely sick. He grinned and Harry weakly smiled back, having this desire to hex him till next year.  
Somewhere, a clock chimed to them that it was already midnight. Draco locked his hands with Harry's and said, "It's late. We need to go back." Harry nodded, thanking the Gods that this date is officialy (A/N:*singing* missing you...NOT!) over. Draco led him to the door and pulled it open for him. Harry took his time in leaving, hoping that the guys would get the hint and exit before him. As Draco left the Room of Requirement, the door disappeared behind him as they setted of to the Gryffindor common room, HHWW (A/N:If you don't know what this means, it means holding hands while walking). They arrived eventually on front of the Fat lady portrait, who was sleeping. They faced each other in the dark as they attempted to say good night and good bye. "Thanks again Mya. I had a wonderful night." Draco murmured, careful not to wake the Fat lady. Harry nodded and his eyes widened as he stared at an area behind Draco. Hermione was a foot away from her boyfriend and she was half covered by the cloak. She looked at Harry straightly and made gestures with her hand, telling him to say something back then her half vanished from sight. Harry did what he was told and his eyes flew back to the platinum blonde on front of him. "Your welcome, Draco. Enjoy the gift." He replied. Then he thought that it was time to get back at Hermione. He purposely dropped his purse, sensing that she is kneeling next to him. "Eat your heart out, 'mione." he muttered, pretty sure that she heard him. He got up and bravely snogged Draco on front of her, making it convincing. He soon stopped and said, "Good night Draco." with the best seductive voice he could use. He woke up the fat lady and entered slowly, letting his best friends in first. He heard Draco walk off and breathed a sigh of relief that the day ended. "Just a minute guys." Hermione quickly whispered to them. "I'll be back." and hurried of to the direction Draco went. Harry and Ron watched where she went & with great shock, Hermione covered Draco's eyes, spun him around and kissed him till he turned a nice blueberry shade. She sprinted back, leaving a VERY VERY confused Draco Malfoy.  
  
"What just happened?"  
  



	5. Hermione's Turn

**Disclaimer:** Whoever says that I own the characters will get whacked. Maybe with the 5th HP book? No no, that's too heavy...hmm, how about with a fridge!? Yeah that's it!  
  
  
Here's my **a/n** for the last chappie: Ok, readers and reviewers...now normally I would've put this on the last chaps but notepad had some sort of memory limit like thingy so I there wasn't space to put my author's note. On a lighter tone, I hope you enjoyed that chaps! You know where I got the idea of Draco's shirt? I have a dress like that! Now this chapter is more HERMIONE TORTURE!!!!! Oh and credit for the ending goes to **diamond004** for giving me the idea! Thank you very very much!  
  
  
To my wuvwy reviewers: KEEP 'EM COMIN'!!!  
Guess what!? I HAVE MORE THAN 50 REVIEWS!!! WAHOOOO!!!*waves like an airheaded beauty contestant* Oh and diamond004 and DoeEyesNeko, you guys didn't review.  
  
**Lily and James Potter:** *sarcastically* I share your sympathy... But thanks!  
  
**Ruaianna:** New reviewer, eh? I already planned the mens thingy since majority won. I have another name by the way, MOLDYSHORTS!!! (rhymes w/ Voldemort...) I just used Ron as the side commentor, hehe.  
  
**Launigsiae:** Thank you!  
  
**Miki:** I will and thanks for the idea 'bout those girl talks thingy!  
  
**gilda j:** Glad you like Moldy's--I mean Voldie's names. Actually it was my lil' 8 year old bro who thought of the "Bald-demort"! And thanks to my best bud who rubbed--No, SCRUBBED her humor on me... Thank you for reviewing!  
  
**musicfreak:** I will! Thank you!  
  
**Peachmelba-the-kickass-wonder-mog:** Ooh, I'm gettin' teary eyed! *sniff* Hehe. Glad you liked it! And yes, I will enjoy my time at the gym! Thanks!  
  
**JRadcliffe:** New reviewer? Thanks!   
  
**farleydunlop'04:** Hmm...ok. I think I'll use your idea.  
  
**Leha:** Woah! That's the longest review I ever recieved! Well thank you, I'll use some of your ideas.  
  
**GrangerGirardiQuagmireGirl:** Confusing? What did you find confusing?  
  
**Irken Invader:** Hello dear best friend of mine aka Zee! Yup, I still remember that! Glad you like the story!  
  
  
SEXY CHOCOLATE!!! crap...another inside joke gets nailed into my head...  
  
Want to know what I would do while I type? I would listen to music. Song right now is Senorita. And also I would watch TV. I'm now watching Smackdown! on WWE. It's the part were Eddie Guerrero stole John Bradshaw's hat. Reeeeally funny! "You damn latino thing!" hahahahaha! Best line there! Old episode, right?   
  
  


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**Previously:**  
  
_Harry and Ron watched where she went & with great shock, Hermione covered Draco's eyes, spun him around and kissed him till he turned a nice blueberry shade. She sprinted back, leaving a VERY VERY confused Draco Malfoy.  
  
"What just happened?"  
  
_

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**Chapter 5:Hermione's turn** Mwa--never mind...  
  
"Why the hell did you DO THAT!?" Harry bellowed upon entering the portrait as Hermione attempted to put a silencing charm on the common room to avoid waking anyone up. And Ron sniggers at the background. What else is new? Hermione blushed darker than a Weasly's hair all combined.   
  
"You made me jealous! Oh, 'eat your heart out 'mione'! What was that for?" she snapped back.   
  
"YOU HAVE POISONED MY LIIIIIPPS!!!" Harry screamed exageratedly.  
  
Then they started bickering and arguing at each other. deja vu again. Ron watched them arguing, wishing he knew a spell on how to conjure popcorn. Finally, he decided to stop them after sometime of reviewing conjuring spells.  
  
"Alright guys! Break it up!" he annouced, pushing them apart. "Look guys, if you are going to be like this for a week, might as well get along." he explained calmly. Hermione and Harry each took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. Ok." Harry said. "But she kissed Malfoy in my body!!!" And again, you know what they say, history repeats itself. In this case, history is very short.  
  
Ron clamped his hands over his bickering best friends mouth before they could go any further with a sweatdrop forming behind his head. "Enough!" he said. Hermione and Harry nodded again as Ron lowered his hands. "Hermione, did you put a strong silencing charm here?" Ron asked innocently. "Yeah." she said, wondering why he had asked that. Though her question was answered quickly. Ron made them jump with his sudden burst of laughter. "That was the best show I ever saw!" he howled in between laughs. "Excuse me while I die!"  
Harry rolled his eyes, muttering to Hermione, "I knew he was bound to crack sometime." Though Hermione was somewhat hurt by his lack of a sensitive side. "You know Ron, we're in a crisis here. This is our worst day ever! And you're just laughing there!" she protested. Harry nodded in agreement then got an idea. He whispered slyly to Hermione, "Let's leave him here." The two quietly slipped out of the common room, having their last look of (head and laughing boy) Ron. It was until time that Ron realized that he was all alone in the common room, laughing his brains out, if he had any.  
  
"Where'd they go?"  
  
Harry and Hermione automatically headed to their respective dorms but stopped when they saw the sign "Boy's/Girl's dormitory". They met each other halfway with a slight frightened expression. "Well..." Harry awkwardly began. "Good luck." Hermione said. "--with Parvati and Lavender. Those two are _really_ annoying" she added. Harry gulped. Entering and sleeping in a dorm full of girls was already more than a nightmare. Each parted ways and took a deep breath before entering the room of doom (A/N: Hey it rhymes!). Harry, feeling dead tired, didn't bother changing from his dress and fell onto the bed. He was asleep before he hit the pillow.  
  
Now, we had enough of Harry torture for the past chaps and...it's Hermione's turn! Mwahaha-- *gets whacked on the head by Hermione with Harry's Firebolt which she found somwhere* OW! Alright, alright... Ahem, Hermione turned the doorknob and her face scrunched up as she surveyed the room. Since it's a guys dorm, it has clothes, books, and stuff I don't wanna mention sprawled all over the floor and posters of female muggle pop stars on the wall posing in an *ahem ahem cough cough* well... your imaginations, not mine.  
Anyways, Hermione tiptoed to the bed, careful not to step or trip on the dirty robes. She opened Harry's trunk and searched for his pj's. What she did find was his photo album, his broom servicing kit, four pairs of boxer shorts, a photograph of Ginny Weasly(?), and a book that looked like his diary. "Hmm," said Hermione, picking up the small black book. "I'll read this later." she murmured evilly. She changed into Harry's pj's, smirking at the boxers she was wearing and thinking about ways to revenge. Vaguely hoping she'd change back next morning, she fell asleep, fogetting that she was wearing glasses.  
  


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Hermione woke up with a headache. She got up from the bed, rubbing her temples and clearing her head. _"What a weird dream"_ She thought, remembering on what happened last night. _"Me and Harry switched bodies? That was definetly weird!"_ She looked at her surroundings. The room had a distinct image of what you see in a guys dorm. Her eyes widened in distress and made a mad dash to the mirror and saw her best friend staring back at her. "This is not a dream!" she said out loud to no one in particular. She turned her head, she saw Dean was still sleeping (A/N: And snoring...). Desperate to get out as fast as she can, she took a quick shower which was very ungainly of her when taking of the clothes she was wearing. Leaving Harry's briefs she stepped in the showers though when the water hit her she accidentally looked down and saw something protruding...through the...umm...cloth (A/N: Ok, this is very awkward for me since I'm a girl...*shudder*)! Hermione blushed furiously and toweled dry Harry's raven hair after she burst from the showers. She grabbed a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans (A/N: She dried the, ahem, underwear. Oh and, it's a Saturday) from the trunk and hastily put them on.  
  
Almost tripping, she ran down to the common room and searched for Ron. She found him chatting with Seamus. "Excuse me, Seamus" she said as she dragged Ron out of his seat. "What?" Ron asked. Hermione pulled him by the arm and led him to a corner. "Where's Harry?" she said urgently. Ron shrugged. "Dunno, still asleep I guess." he said. Hermione hit her head on the wall in frustration.  
  
Coincidently, she spotted Lavender and Parvati talking nearby. "Hey, Lavender! Parvati!" she called out. The two girls turned around to see who called them and started having fits of the giggles when Hermione made her way towards them. 'Have you seen Har--I mean Hermione?" she said, suddenly recalling on whose body she was stuck in. Though Lavender and Parvati just continued to giggle insanely, spluttering words incoherently. Feeling throughly exasperated and impatient with these airheaded former room mates of hers, Hermione rolled her eyes and became a bit more forceful on words. "Would you PLEASE tell me where is Hermione!" she said through gritted teeth emphasizing each word. "Y-Yeah! Sh-she's *giggle* u-upstairs *snicker*!" Parvati giggled. Hermione was about to run up when Lavender and Parvati grabbed her by the arm. "What now?" Hermione asked impatiently. Lavender giggled and leaned foreward and said something that made anyone within a five feet radius stop, stare and snigger.  
  
"Your fly is open!"  
  
Hermione's face looked puzzled for a moment then rapidly changed to embarassment when she remembered what that meant. She look down and sure enough, her swift changing of clothes resulted to this humiliating situation. She blushed furiously and numbly zipped up her pants. Now she knew how degrading it is for a guy. She turned around immediately after shooting a dirtly look at Lavender and Parvati, whose gigglings increased to a higher level, and headed for the girl's dorm with a lovely shade of magenta for a face and ignoring the loud sniggers the Gryffindors were emitting. On the way, she grabbed Ron who didn't bother calming himself.  
She climbed up the stairs and pushed the door open. She scanned the room and found a huge lump on her bed covered by a blanket. She walked over to her bed then jerked the blanket away. What the covers revealed was a now bushy haired girl hiding under the pillow wearing a crumpled dress muttering to herself.  
  
"Harry James Potter!" snapped Hermione, grabbing the pillow.  
  
Harry jumped and cowered like a child. "Go away! I thought this was a dream! I can't go out there!" Harry whined like a baby which was very ironic since he is the boy-who-lived, who faced ol' Moldyshorts there more than twice. Hermione rolled her eyes and picked up Harry by his arm to stand up.  
  
"You will! I already went through...THINGS this morning and it'll be unfair if you didn't!" she snarled. Her embarassment from the incident earlier caused her to be more forceful at Harry. "Now go take a shower--yes with the swimsuit--and we'll talk about it!" Harry gave in and shuffled to the bathroom. "The things I do for friendship" Harry grumbled. If you want to know what happened inside the bathroom, it's similar to Hermione's morning. He came out a few minutes later with one of Hermione's jeans and a tee (he found it really tight by the way) and was soon dragged down to the common room, followed by Ron.  
  
Hermione held Harry's hand and pulled him out of the room and down the stairs and made her way across the common room. Unfortunately for her, she was attracting lots and lots and lots and loooots of attention again. Many of her fellow Gryffindors stopped what they're doing and started whispering and snickering at her. Each time she noticed this, she shot death glares at whoever did that. The trio climbed out of the portrait and headed to the Great Hall for breakfast, theorizing that they would less be overheard there. They took their usual seats and Hermione and Harry immediately discussed their plans while Ron pulled all the plates of food toward him and began pigging out.  
"Ok," stated Hermione. "Usually every Saturday, I would be at the library studying. So I want you to--" but Harry cut her short.  
"Hermione, take a break." he said shortly.  
Next to him, Ron muffled something that not even the Gods can decipher. "Urgh, Ron, swallow your food before talking!" Hermione complained. Ron gulped loudly, "I said that we have Quidditch practice later, el capitan" he said refering "el capitan" as to Harry. "As you said last Wednesday, we're playing against the go-to-bloody-hell Slytherins and we have to be ready."  
  
Harry paled and looked at Hermione expectantly. _"Oh damn! I can't miss this! Why oh why does it have to be HER body!?"_ Harry whined mentally. When she noticed, she rose an eyebrow. "What?" said she. Harry gave her a look. "You'll have to go to practice. I'm the captain remember? Duh." he said obviously.  
  
Survey time! What will Hermione do?  
a) Take it nicely  
b) Scream like a banshee or like my brother when he gets a tantrum   
  
Hermione sure took it nicely. She understood mightyly. "Ok, I will." she said simply.  
  
  
Just kidding!  
  
"No! I can't! I-I'm afraid of heights!" she said shrilly. Harry slapped his forehead exasperatingly. "You have to 'mione! You gotta pay him back for what he did last night!" Ron said in a singsong voice "And it was all just for you!"  
"But...I told you I'm afraid of heights!" said Hermione desperately. "I don't even...know...how..." she trailed away at the looks Harry and Ron were giving her. She sighed defeatedly and dropped her head on the table. Above her, Harry and Ron high fived each other victoriously.  
  
"We stumped the bookworm!" Ron mockingly shouted, raising his arms in the air, as though he successfully asked Fleur Delacour out without being embarassed, which of course will never happen, not even in his dreams. He never bothered about attention for the students of Hogwarts are already used to their occasional outbursts throughout the years. As soon Ron and Harry finished their breakfast with great gusto and rather joyfully, they each grabbed Hermione's arm and led her out to the pitch smiling evilly.  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~

  
  
**A/N:** Okie-dokie! Next chaps is Quidditch practice! Yay!  
  
You know what will happen if you don't review? I will throw you in to a toxic lake and your molecular buit-up will mutate into a figure of supernatural atoms and you will grow scales due to the 45% possible damage to your skins stability. Got it? Mwahaha--crap, I gotta stop doing that.   
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	6. NEWTs or Quidditch!

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill...  
  
I lurv you guys! You always put a smile on my face! Especially Flaming Phoenix2 for giving me someone to insult! Aaaaahhhh...the life of being a fan fictionalist realxes in a pool [got it made in the shade with a glass of lemonade...heehee].   
  
**Lee:** polyjuice potion? for me, that's to much since it takes a month to complete it when it'll just take a week for them to change back. But thank you!  
  
**Flaming Phoenix2:** Well, well, well. A criticizer? Ooh, you sure are flamin' up! Your words don't mean a single thing. Now see here, unlike other normal readers out there, they enjoyed a fic with a good sense of humor. Is your head that thick or you just don't get it? I put it in the H/Hr category because they _are_ the main characters in--my--fic, duh! All fics that is H/Hr doesn't always have to be mushy and romantic. I, the Dementress, have a unique way of writing fics and there's nothing you can do about it. Worst story? Uh-huh, I've read worst. And even if you tracked me down, no way I'm goin' to say goodbye to my fic. Now off to your own little hell and if your reading this, you've came back to read more of my "dumb" story and I can laugh at you. As for **Voldie-woldie-poo, Tommy-boy, & Marvolo-the-dishwashing-powder**, they can go to hell with you. Buh-bye now! ;-)  
  
**lexa:** just a little introduction for Hermione torture. Thanks!  
  
**MichellePotter:** Sorry, no H/Hr romance here, just a bunch of chaotic situations! I put it there because they are the main characters and the ones who got swapped. Yup, I will do the mens thing since many voted for it! Thank you for reading!  
  
**gilda j:** Siriusly!? Hahaha! Sirius was one of my fave characters, that is until he died. But anyways, I'm _really really_ glad that you like my sense of humor!  
  
**Lily and James Potter:** Well, I already planned on what's going to happen at the match so as JKR would always quote, "Just wait and see!"  
  
**farleydunlop'04:** Thank you! waves cheerily  
  
**Moon Shaddow:** Cool name! Glad you found it funny! Thanks!  
  
**MissMisFit9:** Thank you thank you thank you!!!  
  
**Jenfur/GrangerGirardiQuagmireGirl/hyperactivebluefox:** She will have torture! Thank you for reviewing!  
  
**Sara:** Thanks for the advice! I needed that! I have talent!? Aw, that's the nicest thing someone ever told me....though second to when this guy thought my hair was rebonded when it wasn't and--never mind. Forget I said that.  
  
**Peachmelba-the-kickass-wonder-mog:** Hey! You again! right...Thanks for the support you showed throughout my fic! it makes me wanna flyyyyyy....  
  
**KrAzYkEyZ:** Yay! New reviwer! Don't worry about falling off your seat, many have gone past that stage! Actually, I was a R/Hr. Now, I'm D/Hr. Well actually right now, I'm all kinds of ships. Now after I've seen PoA pics, I think that Ron and 'mione are so adorable together! Thanks!  
  
**Melly Kay:** Oh woe is me! What ever did I do to deserve this!? Oh yeah, I wrote an awesome fic! Thanks! I'll be awaiting your "fanatic" reviews.  
  
**Nightwing 509:** Glad you enjoyed it!  
  
**diamond004:** YAY! You're back! AAAAWWWW! That was so sweet! sniffs Hey, you gave me the idea! You deserve the credit! The guy in the shower thing, glad you understood. It was super awkward that I almost can't put it in writing. Thank you so so so so so much!!! I getting teary eyed...sniffs   
  
Sorry I took so long. I'm still going to the gym and writers block has attacked and eaten me alive!  
Just wanna share: I saw a bunch of spoiler pics for the PoA movie and I so so so so can't wait till june 4!!! I finally saw how Pansy Parkinson looked and...lets just say, for all those curious readers, she's not blonde. She has short black hair and looks Gothic, which I found cool, and is lucky to be working with Tom. Buuuut, I'm more of a Dan fan. And Rupert's getting cuter! 5...  
  
4...  
  
3...  
  
2...  
  
1...  
To Gryffindor's Quidditch practice!  
  


  
  
**Previously:**  
  
_As soon Ron and Harry finished their breakfast with great gusto and rather joyfully, they each grabbed Hermione's arm and led her out to the pitch smiling evilly._  
  


  
  
**Chapter 6: N.E.W.T.s [Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tedious Sport] or Quidditch!!!**  
  
Sunlight hit their faces as the Golden trio made their way to the locker rooms. When they reach the door, Harry left them to go inside.  
"Good luck, 'mione!" Harry said waving lightheartedly. Hermione gave him a half glare, half look that said I'd-rather-drown-myself-in-Moaning Myrtle's-toilet as Ron hauled her inside the BOYS locker rooms.  
Very fortunately for her, she found it cleaner than the dormitory, though a distinct smell lingered around it. Ron led her on front of Harry's locker and opened it. Inside was his Quidditch robes only, and it stinked. Boys' lockers... Ron took it and fitted it on Hermione then pushed her outside. Harry was waiting outside, grinning as he met the others. He then summoned for his broom and they all headed for the field.  
They met the rest of the team in silence. Everyone stopped talking and stared at Hermione, waiting for his usual pep talk. Ron nudged her, telling that she should say something. Hermione couldn't think of anything to talk about, as she was studying during their last practice. Every time she opened her mouth a grunt would emit instead. But guess what? Her boyfriend and his Quidditch team emerged from the right side of the field in their practice robes. The Gryffindors turned to see what their "leader" was staring at and you could say "not again".  
  
"What are they doing here?"  
  
Draco Malfoy led his pack to where they were standing, shooting a sexy smirk, making sure nobody's looking, at Harry who paled visibly next to Ron as he returned the smile forcibly for a second then dropped it. Hermione blushed at the sight of her boyfriend but fortunately, it was only Ron who noticed.  
"What are you doing here, Malfoy?" Ron said before anyone else asked.  
  
"Now now Weasley," Draco drawled, as usual. "No need to be rude. Plenty of space here." he paused. "We can share. How about a practice game? Losers against us Slytherins."  
The Gryffindor team dirtily glared at them, though some looked unsure. They glanced at Harry, or who they thought was Harry, for an answer. Hermione stared at her now teamates. She gulped and look at Ron and Harry for help but all she got was shrugs. She held her head high and stood on front of the team and faced her _"honey bear"_.  
"Ok, we'll play. I can do this."  
  
"Ok, I can't do this! I can't do this!" Hermione wailed, hugging the broom tightly. Below her, Harry had a mixture of emotions in him such as embarassment, anger, frustration, etc. While the others were doing their job, Hermione had her eyes shut wishing she had both feet back on the ground.  
  
"Hey Potter!" Draco called out. "Lovin' your broom too much, eh?" He sneered loudly. He cackled as he flew off to search for the snitch while Hermione did nothing but hug the Firebolt. This was all she did during the game aside from wailing and whimpering. It hurted her that Draco kept coming back to make nasty remarks and when Hermione cried "Go away!", Draco was laughing extremely hard that he fell off his broom.  
Both teams froze and watched Draco fall from fifty feet in the air. As he united his body with the ground with a sickening thud, the ones left in the air, and Harry, shut their eyes tightly. Draco hit the grass with such force that he ruptured his leg and arm. The Slytherins and Gryffindors for curiosity's sake landed and quickly gathered around Draco's limp body. He was moaning in pain and his head would turn side to side. Harry poked his head in the group so that he was above his rival's head.  
  
"I died..." Draco muttered dazedly. "I died and saw an angel...." he was staring and blinking focusingly at the person above him as his fellow Slytherins rolled their eyes, so did some Gryffindors (A/N: Yes, they know about their relationship). Harry glared at him but no one saw this. Hermione grabbed Harry out of the way before he can do anything stupid.  
"Not our fault!" said Dean with his hands out. "We swear!"  
"Lets take him to Madame Pomfrey." one of the Slytherin chasers suggested. It took all the members of the team to carry Draco out of the field, leaving the Gryffindors staring at their backs.  
"We'll see you all tomorrow." The same chaser said coldly. Until they entered the castle, the rest of the team just stood there in silence.  
"So, who's up for another round?" Ron said cheerily, as though nothing happened.  
  
Hermione unenthusiasticaly searched for the snitch. They were all back in the air and practicing happily and for some reason, under Ron's control. All did exceptionally well since the Slytherins left their presence and because Malfoy is hurt. Hermione did not having the faintest idea that a bludger is speeding towards her back and is about to hit her.  
"HARRY! A BLUDGER IS SPEEDING TOWARDS YOUR BACK AND IS ABOUT TO HIT YOU!!!" Dean yelled, mimicking the author. Git.... Hermione looked around and only had a second to glance at the black ball before she was tackled by a certain redhead. Ron pushed aside Hermione to safety and scanned the field for Dean and then flew next to him.  
"Why warn her--I mean HIM when YOU COULD'VE HIT IT! YOU'RE A BEATER FOR GODS SAKES!" Ron bellowed at Dean.  
"You're not captain, y'know." Dean snapped back. "You can't yell at me! Besides, he could've just flown away!"  
"_Harry_ was nearly hit and you didn't cover him! And Harry just made me captain for the day." Ron took a deep breath and said calmly as possible. "Now, I want to see you hit a bludger PERFECTLY and aim it for the goal post. Got it?" He turned around without another word and flew off to the goal posts. He only moved two yards away when he heard a loud whack and a bludger brushed his head. Another millimeter closer and the whole team will be able to see his brain up close.  
  
Next scene, Ron was struggling violently away from Hermione, Ginny, Seamus, and Nikki Depp's (a second year chaser) clutches, ready to clout, smite, and pound a whistling innocent-with-his-beater's-club-behind-his-back Dean with the club he "borrowed" from Seamus.  
"Easy, easy Ron. It's illegal what you have in mind." Ginny said, trying to subdue her short tempered brother.  
  
"Stomping on worms is illegal!?"  
  
While the whole team were trying to calm him down on one of the benches, they ruled that practice is over. It is quite difficult when you are trying to calm a Weasley, most especially if its Ron. He kept shouting things like, "He nearly killed me" or "Give me that bat" and "Quit laughing, Harry". When Ron just sat there and sulked, it indicated to the team that he was okay. They left the pitch except for the three. Ron was muttering curses under his breath while Hermione kissed every single inch of mother earth.  
"Lets go in." Harry suggested.  
  
Harry, Hermione, and a for now mute Ron marched up to the castle, longing for a delicious meal. As they sat down, the noises returned back to Ron. He ate noisily, scarfing all the food in sight.  
"That was an....interesting practice you guys had today." Harry commented. Hermione didn't eat for she still felt queasy. She felt that if she ate, her breakfast might come out again.  
"What's on tomorrow by the way?" Hermione asked casually, remembering what that Slytherin had said.  
"The match between Gryffindor and Slytherin." Ron replied simply.  
Hermione had an ugly look on her face that Harry and Ron avoided looking. She hated practice, how much more on tomorrows match? And with Draco as the oponent seeker.  
She waited for them to finish then dragged the two of them out of the hall.  
"Where are we going?" Harry said.  
"Dumbledore's office," Hermione hurriedly stated. "I want to know if we can change back by tomorrow morning."  
"Bet you ten galleons Dumbledore says no." Ron whispered to Harry.  
"Deal."  
  


  
  
A/N: Will they be able to change back by tomorrow morning? How will she do during the match? Will Ron win the bet? Will--ok, that's too cheesy and corny.  
Wow, that was a short chappie... But I'm planning the mens thingy already, probably in the next chapter or the chapter after that. It depends where my "talented" mind will take me.  
  
Oh and, since you guys love my fic, I can't understand why someone would hate it. I got one hate review and I think that person is abnormal. Did I do something wrong? But whatever it is, you guys still love it and that what makes me go on and on and on and on... it always me happy!  
  
Don't forget to review!  
  
Hey ya...  
Hey ya...  
You think you've got it  
Oh, you think you've got it...  
  
just a song I'm listening to while typing. Bye! :-) 


	7. The Scene you've been waiting for and Gi...

**Disclaimer:** I own the characters! (thunder crashes and it rains) Ok, so I don't.  
  
REVIEWS!!!! I LOVE 'EM so much that I could just marry them! Oh wait...I had dreams about marrying Dan. Never mind.  
  
**Lily and James Potter:** First to review! And thanks for reminding me that its galleons not bucks. once i read your review, I quickly changed it. oopsies! Thank you so much!  
  
**KrAzYkEyZ:** Those words are ever so comforting! Like the new Voldy names? Thank you!  
  
**Claire-125:** Yay! A new reviwer! Besides, nobody's perfect. Not even Harry. Thank you for reading!  
  
**gilda j:** Piece of advice, you can use the word "Sirius" anywhere except when writing essays. Haha. Do you mind if I imagined how much you wet the book when he died? And my best friend was supposed to name her new dog Sirius but she changed it when she saw how small it was. Sirius the fish??? Thanks for reading!  
Oh and, what did you think of the chapter?  
  
**Atomic Elf:** I wondered the same thing. Many peeps fell over their chairs laughing like hell and that person hated it? Abnormal git.... Glad you like it!  
  
**funvince:** Lately I like all kinds of pairings. Whether it is HG/HP, HG/RW, HG/DM, and so on and so forth. And correction, it's the "bastard" that snogged Harry, not vice versa. Thanks!  
  
**MissMisFit9:** Oh wow! My first one word review! Yay!  
  
**diamond004:** I so can't wait also! That movie will be my early b-day present to me! Yeah, my birthday is next month. I have this prediction that it will gross more than all the LOTR movies combined together. And with A. Cuaron as the director, it's sure to be a total success. Cuaron=GENIUS  
Dementors, Hippogriffs, and really hot hunky guys in one movie, better bring tissue in case you drool. Seen Dan's pic lately? I have a few saved in my file. He's soooo hot! (drool) And just for lung busters, compare Rupert's picture in the first and his current. It's hilarious!  
Rating? the guys? Dan-10....Rupert-7....Tom-8. My top three swoon-worthy and drool-able guys in HP.  
And yes Malfoy will play in the match. Madame Pomfrey can heal him in like what? couple of minutes.  
Thanks!  
  
**Irken Invader:** Nobody knows your true identity. May I remind the Armada that some of our reviewers are from different countries. So even if they know your earth form, they can do absolutely nothing about it. Of course you like the Quidditch part. It was your idea! Thanks, it was useful. Give me more ideas, please! ;p--:)  
P.S. Wanna watch the PoA movie together with the other guys? Mau is getting so _kilig_ every time she sees the trailer. It's annoying really. Then after that, we can go to EK or something.... Waddya say?  
  
**winterspirit:** Thank you so much. Did you have to go through the stage of falling of your chair laughing like hell like the other reviewers?  
  
**Jenfur:** Hey! You! Thanks!  
  
Just a note: Dan Radcliffe is sooo hot!  
  


  
  
**Previously:**  
_"Where are we going?" Harry said.  
"Dumbledore's office," Hermione hurriedly stated. "I want to know if we can change back by tomorrow morning."  
"Bet you ten galleons Dumbledore says no." Ron whispered to Harry.  
"Deal."  
_  
  


  
  
**Chapter 7: The Scene You've Been Waiting For and Girl Talks!**  
  
"Proffesor Dumbledore!" Hermione gasped, bursting into the headmaster's office. "Proffesor Dumbledore, can I speak to you for a moment?"  
  
Dumbledore looked up from the book he was poring in to, his hand was halfway through picking a lemon drop.  
"Yes, miss Granger. You may." he said mildly surprised. "I was just reading this chapter about your current state and I think I found a way."  
Hermione breathed a sigh of relief and so did Harry. Though Ron had a slight disappointed look as he thought the fun was over. Cos' its not.  
  
"So we can change back soon?" Hermione asked hopefully while Harry prayed pleadingly. Dumbledore shook his head.  
"I'm afraid not yet." he solemnly said. "As I have said yesterday, it will take a week."  
  
Reactions of the trio; Harry stopped praying and looked moody, Hermione had a clashing blend of worry and dispirit and Ron had this grin that he had trouble hiding.  
"So...um...how do we change back?" Hermione said, trying to be casual.  
Dumbledore stood up from his desk and walked over to them. "It will take seven days, a full moon, bottles of potions and compound spells. But don't worry, you won't have to do anything but wait till I finish its preparations."  
Harry sulked even more. Being in a girl's body for more that two days was more than a nightmare. And I'm surprised that he didn't faint this time. Hermione nodded comprehendedly.  
"Though I advise," Dumbledore went on. "...that everyone has to face his or her fears in their lifetime." He beamed amusedly and pointedly at Hermione who paled at the very thought of tomorrows match and didn't even ponder on how he knew. The headmaster walked back behind his desk and sat down.  
"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore offered. Ron was about to accept one when Hermione gripped his arm and squeezed it really tight until she made a mark.  
"No thanks." She said, shooting a look at Ron. "Thank you sir." She said, ending the conversation and dragging the two out by hand.  
"Good luck with the match, miss Granger and mister Weasley." Dumbledore just said before they left the room. Hermione's worried expression has returned in her face and Ron had both worried but slightly excited on his.  
  
"You seemed rather quiet back there." Hermione commented on Harry.  
"Well, there's nothing to say since you are the one mostly talking." Harry said grumpily. Hermione rose an eyebrow and looked at Ron for an explanation for his sudden change of behavior. Ron just shrugged.  
  
They stepped in to the common room and sat on one of the couches.  
"I going to start on homework, ok? I can't believe how really behind I am this week." Hermione said. Ron rolled his eyes.  
"The Charms homework is not due till next Wednesday, give it a rest 'mione." He said, drained of energy. However, Harry stood up and pointed his thumb at the stairs.  
"I'm going to rest. Don't feel like doing homework." Harry said broodingly. He shuffled his feet up the stairs and once he was out of sight, Hermione turned to Ron.  
"What's his problem?" Ron shrugged again. At the top of the stairs, they heard an anguish frustrated cry then saw Harry stormed to the right where the girl's dorm is. Or was it to the left? Anyways, then heard a slam.  
Hermione and Ron faced the unlit fireplace then again turned their heads as they harked another shriek from the girl's dorm.  
"What now?" Hermione asked exasperatedly as she and Ron sprang up from the couch and ran up the stairs. She first burst into the room and saw a fear-stricken version of herself.  
"What's wrong Harry?" She said, alarmed. If Harry shrieked liked that, there must be something horrible that happened.  
"There's blood on your jeans! See there's a spot on your--" Harry ranted on hystericaly. Ron was at a lost for words while Hermione went over to Harry and surveyed the spot of blood. After sometime, she regained her composure with dismay and awkwardness plastered on her face. At least she found an explanation for his strange demeanor earlier.  
"Um Harry. I don't know how to tell you this..." Hermione grabbed his--or her--tee, leaned over to her ears and whispered something unaudible. Judging by Harry's eyes, she said something gruesome.  
  
"It's that time of the month....f-for a girl...."  
  
It can not be confirmed for sure, but wizards and muggles from Northern England and Southern Scotland could've sworn on that particular day an earsplitting and bloodcurdling scream was heard clear as crystal and they assumed the thunderous thud was someone fainting dead away.  
  
Harry's eyes fluttered open and saw his two best friends head's above him.  
"What happened?" he groaned. Hermione and Ron helped him up from the floor and let him sit on the bed. It was probably the second time he was unconscious on the ground in two days.  
"You screamed then fainted." Ron answered. He was grinning that grin that always got on Harry's nerves.  
Harry then remembered. Blood....time of the month....girl.... He groaned again, only louder. He did not know how to handle menustration, mens for short, for he was a guy trapped in a girl's body. Does this make him sound like a lesbian? Never mind, don't answer.  
"But don't worry. I already put on the 'white-pad-like-thingy'--" Hermione said hurriedly, staring pointedly at Ron. "--while you were out cold". Harry gawked at her, now noted the added feeling in the coughcough you-know-which-female's-part. Ok, very awkward typing.... So she did something while he was in a coma, did she?  
"But Hermione," Harry whined. He seemed so desperate not to expierience mens. "How did this happened? I'm a guy!"  
"You may be a guy, but you are inside a girl's body so it doesn't change the cycle." Hermione replied. "Now, just change the pad every four hours and then wash--" Not gonna say, not gonna say it. Hermione explained how to handle mens and proper hygeine to poor Harry who was getting more and more disturbed the further she went. After all, it was his first time.  
"Hermione, stop. You're scaring me please." He cut her off.  
"Very well then. Any problems just ask me. Now let's go."  
"Where?"  
  
Hermione trotted to the library with her bag swinging by her side and two reluctant best friends dragging their feet behind her. Before that, I want to add, she already took a bath and you know how that one turned out. She put on a black shirt that seemed tight she found inside his trunk and a pair of jeans . Well, think Dan Radcliffe in that tight black shirt (drools a flood and sees hearts). Ron too showered and grabbed the first piece of clothing he saw which was a white long sleeved button shirt but only had time to button it halfway (A/N: it shows his chest. Mmm...) up when Hermione pulled his arm and hauled him and Harry downstairs.   
  
"By the way, you owe me ten galleons." Ron muttered to Harry.  
"What for?"  
"Dumbledore said no."  
"But he didn't exactly said no. He said 'I'm afraid not'!"  
"It's still a no."  
"Not exactly!"  
"It is!  
"Is not!"  
"Is to!"  
"Is not!"  
"Is to!"  
"Shut up!"  
  
Hermione snarled before she entered the library. "You two are acting like children! And I wouldn't be caught doing that!" She glared at Harry who closed his mouth as he was about to say "Is not!". Harry just shutted up, fished out ten gold coins and dispensed it on Ron's hand who was having that heckling grin again.  
  
They passed the shelves of dusty ancient books. Hermione took different books out from its places and handed it to Ron.  
"Harry, could you please save a table for us? We'll be there in a second." She said as she presented a particularly heavy book to Ron who was an inch close to collapsing with all the books he was carrying.  
Harry traipsed to an empty table with slight difficulty. Walking with a...erm, "pad" in between his legs wasn't his idea of comfort. Before he could even reach the oak table, someone clapped a hand over his mouth and the other hand grabbed his stomach and pulled him in a deserted aisle of books. Harry struggled as he tried to bite the hand that muffled out his cries of "let go of me". Finally, the unknown person stopped dragging him and spoke in a soothing dead familiar voice.  
  
"Sssh. Mya, don't worry it's me."  
  
Harry stopped his attempt of breaking free. He knew that voice _too_ well. He had heard for seven years and just last night. The hand dropped from his mouth to his waist. Harry dreadingly turned around. His fears were confirmed, he was facing his platinum blonde enemy and he forced a smile.  
"Heeeey, Draco!" Harry said, sounding falsely cheerful then serious. "He he, what are you doing here?"  
Draco again pinned Harry to a bookshelf. Harry closed his eyes, hiding the look of horror. The moment his back hit the books, he knew what was coming next.  
"I always know you're here in the library around this time. Madam Pomfrey healed my leg in just a couple of minutes. So where's Potter and Weasley?" Draco said. Harry gulped.  
"Um...b-back there l-l-looking for books."  
Draco smirked as he drew closer. Harry's knees were shaking as he sucked his breath in. Draco's lips brushed lightly on Harry's then shoved his tongue inside that nearly choked him. He also slipped his hand inside Harry's (or Hermione's) tee and Harry twitched fiercely that he almost jumped out. Do I else need to explain the feelings? Ok then he twitched, shuddered, quivered, and was extremely annoyed. So, the snog session only lasted for thirty seconds because the real Hermione is looking for her body.  
  
"_Hermione_? Where are you?"   
Draco immediately parted lips, much to Harry's extreme relief.  
"I better go." Harry muttered and loomed out of the dark aisle, sticking out his tongue. There he saw Hermione and Ron looking for him.  
"K, guys. I'm here."  
  
"Where have you been?"  
  
"Uh....somewhere?"  
  
"Riiiiiight....Where?"  
  
"Tell you later."  
  
Harry had no choice but to start his homework or else if he didn't, he would have to bear a long sermon from his own body. He felt a pair of eyes boring in his neck and he knew who those silver gray orbs belonged to. Coming out from the dark aisle, Draco stealthly left the library but not before giving Harry a flying kiss and his trademark smirk. When he was out of sight, Harry ducked under the table and gagged.  
  
"What's wrong, Harry? And by the way, where have you been? And why is my shirt all crumpled at the side?" Hermione seemed to can't take it any longer. She gazed intently at Harry who stopped gagging and didn't bother to bury the angry look on him.  
"Let's just say a certain blonde git, boyfriend of yours was asking for his daily dose of snogging from me. Unfortunately, I am in YOUR body and then you know what he did to me? HE KISSED ME!" Harry shouted as he stood up, attracting attention and recieving glares from Madam pince and his body. Realizing where he was at the moment, he sat down quietly muttering sorries.  
"He did?" Hermione whispered then blushed as Harry placed his butt back on the chair. "Oops! Sorry! I guess I forgot to warn you about going to the library at this time." Harry closed his eyes and counted one to ten to control himself from bursting again.  
  
In Harry's mind, half of his brain was concentrating on the homework he was currently doing and the other was thinking of ways to get back at Hermione for the date thing, Malfoy, and the boxers remark. And coincedently, so is Hermione. Though Hermione thought of her revenge before Harry finished thinking of his.  
_"Harry will be so sorry that it was me he switched bodies with because I have a plan...."_   
Hermione rubbed her hands together in an evil menacing way and background shows flames of fire and and an evil menacing eyes flashing behind her while she cackles in an evil menacing manner. And she's wearing a cape!  
  
"Uh...Hermione?"  
  
"Yes Ron?"  
  
"Why are you wearing a cape, rubbing your hands and laughing evilly?"  
  
"No reason."  
  
"Oh ok."  
  
So Hermione went back to her homework, pretending that she did not [see above paragraph for what she was doing. I'm tired of typing that].  
  
By the time Harry, Hermione and Ron finished all their homework, it was already time for dinner. After Harry and Ron stood up from their chairs, they sounded off a _crack_ in their backs by stretching really hard. Hermione just gathered the pieces of parchment, put the books back, and didn't bother stretching, as she was used to it. When they arrived at the Great Hall, Harry and Ron bolted down their pork chops and then waited for their other best friend to finish.  
"How do you do that? Doing homework and not getting bored?" Ron said facing Harry but then remembered.  
"Practice and practice" Hermione answered sarcastically as she ate the last forkful of pie.   
  
The trio then stood up and walked out of the hall. Though Hermione gave a short glance to her supposed-to-be boyfriend before leaving. Draco was watching the three of them with no expression his face but a smirk appeared when Harry followed Hermione's gaze and realized that the smirk was directed to him. Harry dully returned a smile and when his back was turned he growled softly. As soon they reached the common room, Harry faced his other two best friends.  
"I'm going to rest early ok?" He said. The only reply he got was a nod. He dashed up to the girl's dorm and threw himself on the bed. Unfortunately, there are two living human organisms in the dorm that will probably not allow him to sleep.  
  
"Hello Hermione!"  
  
Harry opened one eye and saw two girls next to him.  
"Hello Lavender, Parvati." He rolled over to his side so he won't have to deal with them. Having mens didn't improve his mood and at that very moment, his respect for girl's and them on their time of the month has deepened. He didn't even close his eyes yet when Lavender pulled him and made him sit.  
  
"What!?"  
  
Without warning, Lavender and Parvati jumped on his bed and started shooting of their mouths. And very typically like a girl, well some...., they talk (or gossip) in a "valley girl" tone.  
  
"Hermione, girl, I was just like thinking, what do you like think of Jamie? Y'know, like the one in Ravenclaw. Isn't she like a scream!? I like heard from Ann who eavsedropped on Milicent who was like talking to Charlene who--" Parvati ranted on excitedly. Harry was having this utmost perplexed look and he had never ever been more confused in his whole entire life. They just woke him up to gossip!? He was just watching the two giggle madly and rave on about this Jamie person.... And the valley girl thingy was just getting deeply on his nerves.  
  
"So, what do you think?" Lavender panted, slightly out of breath.  
  
"Uh," Harry was speechless. What on God's green earth are they talking about? So not to disappoint them, he settled with a "wow", with three question marks. Amazingly, one word made them continue, though they added ditzy hand gestures to tell their "story". A sweatdrop was forming behind Harry as they huffed about boyfriend stealers or something.  
  
"--and then Josie was all like 'better stay away from my man' and then Jamie was like 'he's like so not yours'--"  
  
"Um girls...."  
  
"--and Chris was like there, and he had like heard the whole thing!"  
  
"Excuse me...."  
  
"And then you'll like never guess what! Chris just said that he was going out with Mia instead! Does that mean he and Jamie just like broke up!?"  
  
"Parvati? Lavender?"  
  
"Oh and speaking about cute guys like Chris, don't you think that shirt Ron wore today like looked totally hot and sexy on him?"  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
Lavender and Parvati finally stopped talking and stared at Harry who was looking very shock at the moment.  
"Ron is my best friend! You think he is hot and shudders violently sexy!?" Harry said, his mouth agape. Lavender placed a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder.  
"Look Hermione, I know he's like your best friend and all but....He gets hotter and hotter like everyday!" Lavender squealed, fanning herself.  
Harry just sat there with his mouth wide open. Now he took Hermione's warning seriously as he didn't before. He had this desire to leave the room silently and never come back to the dorm.  
"Is that you girls all ever talk about? Boys!?" Harry clamored.  
  
"Oh no. We also talk about clothes, music, make up, and the boys from other houses!"  
  
Just to make matters worse, Lavender and Parvati didn't stop there.  
"And do you want to know what we think of Harry?" Parvati asked slyly. At this, Harry paled and shook his head quickly, not wanting to hear their opinion.  
"Ok we'll like tell you anyways," Parvati said, ignoring him and of course completely unaware that the real Hermione is downstairs.  
"He--is--so--FINE!" Parvati said with a compromising hand gesture. You guys can think of your own, I know I can.  
"You know that tight black shirt he is like wearing right now? It just make me want to....you know!" Lavender made a rather indecent hand gesture, no not the middle finger, and sighed dreamily that made Harry give out a deafening shriek. He also jumped off the bed and backing away as though the two girls are going to attack him.  
"Ok! Enough! You guys are freaking me out!" Harry said shrilly. Lavender and Parvati jumped off the bed too and longingly described Harry's features.  
"Sorry Hermione, but you like gotta admit! Those abs and biceps are yummy!" Parvati said while Lavender nodded in agreement. Harry again screamed resoundingly. How many times had he screamed in fear today? Out of instinct, he hotfooted over to the door and when he was just about to wrench the door open the girls called him back.  
"Hermione, wait! Promise you won't tell them please?" Harry nodded quickly, desperate to get out of the room and sleep somewhere else. Snape's dungeon would be nice compared to these two.  
"Oh and don't tell Dean that we think his--" Harry tore the door open and flew out of the room. Upon slamming it, he leaned and breathed heavily on it.  
"Note to self, never EVER talk to these girls again! And I thought snogging Malfoy was scary." He said out loud to one. He shakily stepped down the stairs to the common room and when he reached the fireplace, he sat next to Ron with the same, or more, shock when Cho Chang kissed him.  
"What's wrong, Harry?" Hermione asked concernedly, sipping the tea she had conjured earlier. Harry's eyes were wide open and fearful and twitchy. But good thing he is not temporarily mute like last time.  
"Remind me to never be within ten feet of Lavender and Parvati."  
Hermione and Ron exchanged looks.  
"Oh and Ron, burn that shirt. I don't like it." Harry added. Ron looked down at the white shirt he was wearing and plucked it.  
"Why? What's wrong with it?" He said. Hermione had a questioning look. Harry sighed then shuddered at the answer he was about to give.  
"Lavender and Parvati thinks you look hot and sexy in it." Hermione gagged and choked at her tea then spluttered it out. Since when Ron was hot and sexy? Though Ron had a different reaction. His eyebrows were raised, a slight grin was erupting and his face was matching his hair furiously.  
  
"Really? Maybe I should wear this more often! I-I mean...." His voice faltered as he saw the looks on his best friends faces, most especially Harry's. "I should wear this less....often?"  
"What else did they say?" Hermione said changing the topic before Harry can leap up and pound Ron to minced meat. Harry struggled to say something, then decided to tell everything what they said.  
"Um, ok it's like this. I was going to sleep when they woke me up to tell me some useless gossip and then somehow their topic led to Ron then me and--" Hermione stopped him with a raised hand.  
"Hang on. Do tell me, did they say that your abs and biceps are....yummy?" She said curiously. Ron let out a snort and a loud snigger but ceased immediately as Harry gave him a just-say-the-word-and-you-can-die glare. After that, Harry answered Hermione's question by nodding mutely. Being told that his abs and biceps are [you know] seemed to scare him shitless.  
"How did you know?" He said moodily. Hermione shook her head.  
  
"They say that every hour. You may not hear it, but they do." Harry sighed and slump in his seat, he tiredly stood up and made his way to the portrait and was about to open it when Hermione called him.  
"Where are you going Harry?" The raven haired boy slowly turned and replied dully;  
  
"To the Forbidden Forest. With those two big mouthed girls in the dorm, I'll be lucky to blink at least once. Good night guys, I'm going to sleep."  
  
A/N: Hey peeps! Whew! long isn't it? The gossip thing was so much fun to write! I was also laughing as hell!  
The girl talk gossip thing was so funny to write. Credit goes to my sister who helped me do the actions, talk the valley girl and other stuff. Not that she's like that!  
REVIEW! Stupid memory limit like thingy.... 


	8. The Quidditch Match and the Showers

**Disclaimer: sigh.... The characters all belong to Jo Rowling, not me. Sniffles....**   
  
I just watched the movie, **IT TOTALLY ROOOOOOOCKS!!!!** I was practically drooling over the hippogriffs, dementors, and DAN!!! Oh man, I could just keel over and die!!!!  
  
You guys should watch the movie! All hail Alfonso Cuaron! (bows down)  
  
**Nia Redavni:** Hey! you're the first one to review! Thanks, it's nice to know that I am damn good. The moment I saw the word "Nia", I knew it was you. Thanks for the comix! Loved it! ;p PIG.  
Double trouble cauldron bubble....Something wicked this way comes!  
  
**gilda j:** Thanks! :)  
  
**HermioneBallerina:** I take it that you fell of your chair laughing like hell and loved it, right? Thanks!  
  
**Person:** Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**Anonymous:** thank you so much!  
  
**Claire-125:** You really like Ron, eh? He's known to be a bit insensitive most of the time without even knowing it, right? Boy talk? Hmm, I never given a thought about it. I really am not sure what guys talk about but I'll see about that when I get back to school. Thanks for the suggestion!  
  
**KrAzYkEyZ:** Thanks! I had help from my sis! But we only talk "valley girl" for laughs. I quote Parvati to Dan: "He--is--so--FINE!" Haha! Thank you!  
  
**MissMisFit9:** Thank you! I was getting so giggly, _kilig_ in my language, when Dan gets oh so angsty! He so cute and adorable when he does that! sigh....  
  
**chickadee:** Thanks! You're the second reviewer who thought so too!  
  
**a:** Yes it is a H/Hr fic but no romance. I put it there because they are the main characters in my story and the D/Hr are just for the added humor. Oh well, thanks for reading anyways!  
  
**Destiny13:** Thank you very much!  
  
**Melly Kay:** Glad you like the gossip part! That was so much fun to write! Haha, thank you!   
  
**drxd:** Did you have to go through he stage of falling of your chair laughing like hell? And I never bothered about the age, anyways. I just wrote a fic set at an unknown time.  
  
**HarryNDracosDarlin:** Fell off your chair? Thanks for the great review!  
  
**jenjen-jenfur:** Aw thanks! Sniff....I'm getting _like_ teary eyed! Haha.  
  
Diamond004, where are ya?  
  
Readers, I want to make a point clear so I won't have to explain this all over again.  
**I put it in the Harry/Hermione section because they are the main characters here. There will be no romance in the future for these two and the Draco/Hermione thing is just for the added humor. No fluff.** I hope you understood that ok?  
  
**Previously:**  
Harry sighed and slump in his seat, he tiredly stood up and made his way to the portrait and was about to open it when Hermione called him.  
"Where are you going Harry?" The raven haired boy slowly turned and replied dully;  
  
"To the Forbidden Forest. With those two big mouthed girls in the dorm, I'll be lucky to blink at least once. Good night guys, I'm going to sleep."  
  
**Chapter 8: The Quidditch Match and the Showers **  
  
It was already midnight when Harry went up to bed reluctantly at the girl's dormitory. Six hours ago, Hermione pulled Harry back in the common room, demanding him not to go out of the castle after dark because it was against the rules. They had another heated debate though in the end, Hermione won as she went as far to threatening him in flashing his boxers to the whole entire school the next day. Harry quietly opened the door and carefuly peeked in. Thankfuly enough, Parvati and Lavender were asleep. As he tiptoed in, he quickly changed into a nightgown of Hermione's, blessing the room that it's dark. He was about to slip in under the covers when he noticed that the two girls next to him had some sort of green gunk on their faces and cucumber(?) slices over their eyes. Aching for some sleep, he fell on the bed. His last thoughts were about tomorrows match....  
  
Harry woke up early. Tension was mounting inside him.  
  
_Hermione is inside his body and she's afraid of heights. Oh what will happen next?_  
  
He slowly and quietly got up, unwilling to wake up Lavender and Parvati. Now come to think of it, how they even wake up with the green stuff on their faces? Harry couldn't take on the heavy pressure, his body will be in the Quidditch field, hugging the broom for dear life. He didn't want Gryffindor to lose all because of Hermione and to be ridiculed by the Slytherins. He got dressed and then waited in the common room. Many thoughts kept fying in his head that he almost couldn't think straight.  
  
_What if Hermione falls of my broom? What if Euan dropped the Quaffle? What if Seamus caused a foul by whacking Montague with his bat even though that sounded good?"_  
  
He only sat on the couches there for 5 minutes when he decided to wake Hermione up, unable to bear the strain in his nerves. Setting foot in the boys dorm, he treaded silently, amid Ron and Neville's snores, to his bed and woke Hermione up.  
"Hermione. Hermione, wake up." He whispered, shaking her gently. Hermione stirred. She rolled to her side and eyed Harry blearily.  
  
"Harry? It's only six....watsamater?" She groaned. Harry knelt next to her so he won't have to talk to her loudly which meant waking Ron up.  
"You have to get ready for the match later." Hermione snapped out of her sleepy manner and panicked again. Yes, she catches things on fast.  
"That's today!? Oh no no no no!!! I can't!" She said frantically. Harry tried to shush her but a Hermione being perturbed, whether it was about homework or flying, will take a long time to cool down. Another sweatdrop behind his head. Pulling a hysterical Hermione out of bed, Harry thought, _"This is going to be a looong day"_  
  
Fast Forward to the match!----------  
  
Hermione bravely searched for a hint of gold even though it meant looking down. As usual, Malfoy kept coming back to make nasty remarks and insults but this time, Hermione made witty comebacks that shutted him up.  
"Hey Potter! Look! Dementors!"  
"Hey Malfoy! Look! Hermione with another guy!"  
"Where!?!? OOF!"  
  
Hermione giggled amusedly as he frantically searched the Gryffindor stands but then turned into a gasp when Malfoy was hit unexpectedly with a bludger and was forced to backflip over. He was completely winded that nearly made Hermione instinctively fly and comfort him.  
"You ok, Draco?" Hermione blurted out. Malfoy was dumbfounded at Hermione's sudden concern.  
  
"What did you say, Potter?"  
  
"I-I mean...haha?"  
  
Malfoy flew away grumbling, deciding to search for the snitch himself. Somewhere below, Harry was nervously gripping the edge of the stands as he watched his team mates execute their moves. When Ginny dodged a Slytherin chaser while heading straight for the goal posts, the real Gryffindor Quidditch team captain was on his knees praying deperately.  
"I'll be good! Honest I will! I'll never, never cheat on a Divination test or copy homeworks! Just let her shoot the Quaffle!"  
  
Lee Jordan was comenting, "And Weasley scores! Twenty-twenty to Gryffindor! YEAH! And its Flint in possesion of the Quaffle--He dodges a bludger! Now neck to neck with Ambercrombie--knock him off Euan--Alright, professor, alright--he's nearing the goal posts...come on Ron!"  
"Aaaand....NO! HE MISSES! Twenty-thirty to Gryffindor! Bloody stupid Slyth--Sorry Professor--now, its Slytherin in posession! Just a second, folks. There seems to be some action in one of the stands....one of the Gryffindors....it's Hermione Granger having hysterics!?"  
  
In the air, Hermione was staring at her body bewilderedly and Ron was grinning apologetically at his fellow classmates.  
  
"Gryffindors has quieted down Hermione. She sits there, sobbing softly as Slytherin chaser Flint takes hold of the Quaffle...."  
"He nears the goal posts....and Depp steals the Quaffle from under his nose! Way to go, Nikki! Chaser Montague goes after her and--Ooh! He gets hit by the beater's bat! Nice work there Seamus! Ok ok Professor! Won't happen there again! And a penalty goes to Gryffindor for that worthwhile--I-I mean bad foul. If she misses, Slytherin will take the lead!"  
  
Harry edgily chewed the small flag he was _supposed_ to be waving, having this high-strung feeling in his nerves. He was furiously thinking about that foul Seamus just did and did not think it just had its advantage of beating up a Slytherin.  
"...into little tiny pieces I'll break him...and then I'll take the tiny, tiny pieces and I'll...."  
  
Silence fell around the field.  
"Ginny Weasley takes the Quaffle, she heads to the goal posts....come on Ginny....aaand SHE SHOOTS, SHE SCORES!!! THIRTY-THIRTY TO GRYFFINDOR! YES! Now, Gryffindor in posession....Ambercrombie loops his way, passes it to Depp who tosses it Weas--DUCK GINNY! THERE'S FLINT! She dodges him--OOH NO! She's knocked off by Goyle! Don't worry! She's ok, she's back on the air--I don't believe it! She still has the Quaffle! Wait, Gryffindor keeper is calling for time out!"  
  
Ron signalled the team and landed on the ground along with the other mates. And with that, Harry joined them quite red in the face from shouting. When everyone turned to listen to their captain, Hermione gave Ron the authority to speak for her as he knows more about what happened.  
  
Hermione was breathing heavily out of relief that she was back on the ground and not listening to Ron when Harry pulled her arm and led her away from the group.  
"Hermione...Now listen carefully," Harry said with an air of determined calmness and sort of deadly sickening sweet tone that could cause fear if went further. "_We_ are tied with the Slytherins right now! We must stop them from scoring! And the only way to do that is to see we don't let Malfoy catch the snitch, right?"  
"Right." Hermione said.   
"Cause if we do...." Harry's voice went from singsong to boiling hot. His face suddenly steamed up that caused him to snap his streamer. Just on time, the bell alerted the players to get back to the game. Hermione quickly, but nervously, got on to the Firebolt, not wanting to be within Harry's area of anger. She had too much expierience with Harry blowing up.  
  
"Back to the game! Gryffindor in posession! It's Weasley! She kicks Crabbe who tries to knock her off! Nice one Ginny! She nears the Slytherin keep--hang on, is that the snitch!?"  
  
Malfoy quickly scanned the field for the little gold ball and once he spotted it, he sped of before Hermione can even say "books". With a fresh surge of courage and determination, and fear of Harry if she didn't catch it, Hermione went after Malfoy and easily leveled him. She stretched out her arm as her boyfriend did the same.  
"Give it up, Potter! I'm going to catch it before you!" Malfoy yelled.  
"Fine with me! Ladies first then!" Hermione snarled, not taking her eyes off the snitch. She felt that insulting her boyfriend back was sort of....new and refreshing than calling him "honey bear".  
  
Two green and red blurred figures raced their way in and out of the field. They were only three feet away from the snitch. Being the uber intelligent one, Hermione stopped flying and let Malfoy waste his time chasing after it. She skimmed her eyes through the field doing quick estimations. Once she got her facts right, she whizzed to the opposite direction. There that way the snitch would come flying towards her, and so is Malfoy. She reached out her hand ready to grab the snitch and avoid from colliding into Malfoy. Her hand was three feet away from the snitch....two feet....one....  
  
Back to the stands. Harry was sweating by the buckets. He was already standing up and muttering loudly to himself. His hands were covering his eyes and head. Next to him, Neville was trying to surpress him.  
"She'll lose it! I know she'll lose it! I can't look! I'll die if she loses it..and then I'll kill her! Or better yet...myself!"  
  
"HARRY'S GOT THE SNITCH! AND WHAT A MAGNIFICENT CATCH! THE GAME IS OVER! 180-30! GRYFFINDOR WINS!"  
  
Next panel shows a dazed and seeing stars Hermione still airborne with the golden snitch jammed halfway into her mouth. I have a nice clear vision of that scene. Harry with the snitch halfway inside his mouth. Ooh, very funny sight! Ron flew in whooping with triumph and perhaps hilarity. Once all team members met on the ground, Dean slapped Hermione's back that made the snitch pop out of her lips and land on her hand. Amid the screams and cheers of scarlet clad supporters, Hermione raised the snitch in victory and jubilation. Despite her fear of heights, she felt that Quidditch was the most exhilarating sport she ever partcipated in.  
  
But of course, the worst was not over yet for Hermione. She paled greatly when Ron yelled, "Team! Showers! Now!" Dun dun dun dun!  
  
Hermione sat on one of the benches inside the locker rooms, staring at the floor so she won't have to watch Dean take his pants off. She felt movement next to her and saw a hint of red hair.  
"Ron?" Hermione said, her eyes still on the floor. "Why did you let the team shower here? Or have you forgotten my...present state?" Ron looked at her curiously then he comprehended.  
"Oh! Sorry Hermione, we just want to look and smell clean before the party at the Gryffindor room." He added in a whisper, "I know for a fact that Parvati and Lavender are planning a victory party if we won." Hermione sighed. She is going to take a bath with a bunch of half naked guys in her presence? Ooh, nightmare!  
She lolled her head dully as Ron gave her a nudge which meant "go-and-take-a-bath". She was unware that Ron was trying to hide a snicker. Sighing, she took of her Quidditch robes, pulled of her shirt and tossed it neatly in a large clothes bin. Unlike some other guys who threw it over their shoulders and just left it there. It took her a lot of self control not to cover her bare chest with the towel as she was not use to exposing it.  
Closing the door on one of the shower cubicles, she hung the towel on a rack. Water burst from the head of a gargoyle above her. She deluged herself under the water, blocking out the locker room jokes Dean and Seamus were exchanging. After she washed her hair and soaped her body, all mortally awkward, she wrapped the towel around her waist, took a deep breath and stepped out.  
  
"Hey Harry!" Seamus called out. "Wanna hear a funny joke Dean just told me?" He seemed rather in a festive mood that Gryffindor won and got the opportunity to whack a Slytherin. Hermione shook her head vigorously and opened a locker which was next to Ron's. She quickly pulled out a shirt and a pair jeans and put it on. She flushed red and screwed up her face when she couldn't help but overhear the joke Seamus was telling. Couldn't think of one here. In the midst of the boisterous laughter, she faced Ron.  
"Really? Do they tell such uncouth jokes in here? I'm disgusted!" said Hermione, her face matched her words as it lingered on Seamus. Ron rolled his eyes, obviously exasperated at her exceedingly proper and refined manner.  
"Hermione, to be frank, they are guys as you are a--" Ron's voice lowered. "--girl. We're really like that." He continued to comb his wet hair while Hermione looked at him. He had a point. It's natural for guys to be a bit vulgar at times. She did not bother to comb her best friend's raven hair since she knew it will be just pointless. Feeling that she just learned an unknown lesson about men, she slammed the locker shut and crossed the room to the door, followed closely is Ron.  
  
Hermione and Ron emerged from the locker rooms. They expected to see Harry waiting for them, beaming proudly. Instead, they got Neville.  
"Neville? Where's Hermione?" Ron said curiously. The round faced boy jabbed a finger at the castle behind him.  
  
"They brought her to the Hospital Wing. She seemed pretty shaken up when we won. When you caught the snitch, she sorta went into a trance then fainted."  
  
A/N: Hoo-hoo! Enjoyed that?  
Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I watched the movie on its very first day, june 2 here, on its very first showing. So we had lunch first (my treat since my bday is near) then me, my partner Zee/Irken Invader, my sis, and another friend that I'd call "monkey". Thanks to my partner, we got free tickets! Woo-hoo! It--was--so--so--words fail me! Some scenes are not in order by the book and the Firebolt was at the very last. But aside from all that, you can tell the difference between C. Columbus and A. Cuaron's style of directing.  
I'm gonna go watch it again!  
Dan is so cute when he gets angsty!  
  
Another reminder guys, after this chapter, it might take quite a while for future chappies to be posted. After a few days when this chapter will be posted, my summer vacation will be over and I'll be back to school. I wonder if trigonometry will be the end of me.... So looks like I'll have less time to type. But not to worry! I won't be discontinuing this fic. I'm having fun typing this! Especially the reviews! They make me go on and on!  
  
Review!  
  



	9. Classes and Other Quirks

> **Disclaimer:** You are all psychics! You know what I will say next! I do not own the characters! Correct!  
  
Finally its done! High school is soo--urgh! A game of survival! And that's not it! My schedule is as tight as ever and I'm sitting next to the BIGGEST geek/nerd in school!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Sorry I took so super long! I'm in third year high school and they say its the hardest level of all. So I really have little time to sit down and type.  
  
So to make it up, I typed a fairly long chapter. With lotsa chaos! ;p  
  
Thanks guys! I HAVE MORE THAN 100 REVIEWS!!! AND IN LESS THAN 10 CHAPTERS!!!! DO THE MONKEY DANCE!!! [does the monkey dance] WHEEEEEEEE!  
  
**diamond004:** I just enjoy chatting with you about D' movie! California? Hmm, that happens to be my hometown....Anyways, isn't Dan just adorable when he gets oh so angsty? I'm gonna go see it again! Thanks for reading!  
  
**Claire-125:** Well Hermione would've enjoyed showering with the guys if she was either Lavender or Parvati. You know her uber modesty! Yeah, Dan is so cute, adorable, hot, gorgeous, etc...  
  
**gilda j:** I'll try! School is nearing and I hope trigo won't kill me or else I won't be able to update! Thanks!  
  
**MissMisFit9:** Yup! Out of shock I suppose....  
  
**Nina:** thank you very much!  
  
**jenjen-jenfur:** Enjoyed the movie? you know I sorta squealed (Zee had to shut me up) when Hermione said that she fed Buckbeak ferrets! What first popped into my head was Malfoy! hahaha! Thanks!  
  
**Lily and James Potter:** I will! She just fainted out of shock.  
  
**drxd:** Ah well. Thanks!  
  
**cherryblossomprincess:** Thanks! :p  
  
**Destiny13:** I see you loved the movie too! Thank you!  
  
**Dracofan99:** Tickets sold out till 2011!? AHH! OH THE HORROR! THE HORROR! Haha! Anyways, thanks! :p  
  
**Hogwartseyes:** Glad you loved it! :p  
  
**Nia Redavni:** The gurl speaks the truth! Thanks dude!  
  
**anonymous01:** I would love to lengthen the time but to me, I feel that Dumbledore is to wise to make a mistake when it comes to magic. Too late to change it. Wet dream? You know, I guess I can put it. I'm running out of 101 ways to torture Hermione lately. Thank you! Daaan.....  
  
**H/Hrfan:** thanks very muchy! :D  
  
**silEntmodE:** Yay! I deserve an award! I'm so happy! I guess I sorta gave away with the Dementress, huh? Thanks Rahi--I-I mean silEntmodE! Hehe ;p  
  
**Lady Fowl-Potter of the Rings:** Aw thanks! :)  
  
**short darkness herself:** Thanks! ;)  
  
**PottersGirl13:** Hee-hee! Don't you mean poor both of them? You're not the only one who fell off his/her chair. I know, I have a wild imagination with the black shirt and Dan. Yum!  
  
**DoeEyesNeko:** HEY! Where have you been all while, dude? Missed your reviews! Obviously Dan! Yum! Crap, there goes my wild imagination again.... So what did you think of the story?  
  
Did you guys read my song parody of the song "Dilemma"? Read/sing it. It's D/Hr though.... ah well! Just use your wonderful imaginations!  
  
----------------------------------------------   
  
**Previously:**  
Hermione and Ron emerged from the locker rooms. They expected to see Harry waiting for them, beaming proudly. Instead, they got Neville.  
"Neville? Where's Hermione?" Ron said curiously. The round faced boy jabbed a finger at the castle behind him.  
  
"They brought her to the Hospital Wing. She seemed pretty shaken up when we won. When you caught the snitch, she sorta went into a trance then fainted."  
  
-----------------------------------------------  
  
**Chapter 9: Classes and other Quirks**  
  
Hermione and Ron intentionaly skipped the victory party to visit Harry. When they neared his bed, Harry did not seem to notice them. He just kept on muttering to himself like a half-conscious Trelawney.  
  
"Harry?" Hermione said timidly when Madame Pomfrey left them to be. Harry's eyes were glazed and staring blankly at his surroundings. Ron leaned foreward and tried to catch a bit of what Harry was saying.  
  
"We won....Gryffindor....caught....snitch....'mione....won...."  
  
Hermione tapped Harry lightly on the shoulder but he made no signs of response. Ron attempted an "ennervate" spell but no avail. After many minutes of trying to get their best friend back to earth. Finally out of frustration, Ron cracked and yelled at Harry's ear, "YO HARRY MATE, WAKE UP!!!"  
Hermione let go of her ears and looked at Harry for an answer. Nothing.  
"Man, you must've really shocked him when you caught the snitch" Ron said.  
As for Hermione, she lowered her head and whispered sweetly and evilly, "Oh Harry! Draco said he wants to be engaged with his girlfriend! Oh wait, I'm his girlfriend and you're in my body! So it looks like you'll have to--"  
  
Reaction was rather predictable. Harry screamed so loud that it nearly deafened Madame Pomfrey who was inside her 'soundproof' office.  
"Harry! Harry! I'm just kidding!" Hermione yelled, trying to shove him back to bed. Ron too tried to help with a stunning spell but kept on missing since Harry's jumping and jerking everywhere. Once he was pacified, he lay on the bed breathing heavily.  
  
"Never--EVER--give--me--another--heart--attack! I had enough to last me a lifetime!" He gasped. Hermione looked rather sympathetic.  
"Sorry Harry, but you wouldn't come around." She said. Ron sniggered at Hermione's successful attempt in waking Harry up. At that moment, Madame Pomfrey came bustling in with a vial of some blue potion looking rather annoyed.  
  
"What did you do? Miss Granger needs her rest!" She hissed. Ron and Hermione backed up as she drew nearer. "Ah! I see you're awake now, miss Granger. Here drink this. I knew studying too much would break you down!" Madame Pomfrey handed Harry the potion. He drank all this, felt his strength returning and made a slight frown.  
  
"How did it taste like?" Ron asked curiously. Harry stuck out his lower lip for a second as though considering its taste.  
"Frooty." he said. (A/N: Inside joke! Sorry! I can't help myself again! hahahahoo! [gasp for air]:O). Hermione rolled her eyes and sat down next to Harry, so did Ron, when the school nurse left.  
  
"So Harry, why did you faint?" Hermione said. Harry looked thoughtful for a minute then embarassed. After looking back on what he did, he felt rather silly.  
"I guess as a captain, I sorta was a little into the game." He said sheepishly. Ron coughed loudly but his message was clear, "a little too much". Hermione shot him the "shut up" glare and her attention returned to Harry.  
"How are you feeling? Can you still come to dinner with us?" Hermione said. Harry nodded, got out of the bed and put his shoes back on.  
"Yeah, I'm fine." He said. "Hey wait! Aren't you guys supposed to be at the party in the common room?" Hermione and Ron exchanged glances.  
"Well, we decided to skip it to see you." Ron said simply and making sure he touched him in the heart though he sounded quite obvious.  
"Haha" Harry said sarcasticaly as he exited the room where he mostly spent his Hogwarts days in hurriedly.  
  
"You are never good when it comes to acting innocent." Hermione muttered to Ron, following Harry down a flight of stairs.  
  
When the trio went through the doors of the Great Hall, they took their usual places and ate. Many people kept coming over to Hermione to congratulate her for her "fantastic" catch. Though Hermione didn't have the heart to tell them each time they shook her hand that she meant to catch it, not jam it in her mouth like a roast pig with an apple.  
  
By the time the last aching hand shake Hermione took, Ron finished his meal which was saying something because when Ron eats, its like a buffet for the whole school. Harry, Hermione and Ron marched up to the common room after sometime. I suppose it was because Hermione nagged them about going to sleep early since there was classes the next day. And Harry whined all the way up about skiving off.  
  
"Hermione! Arithmancy!? That's probably the hardest subject ever! Why can't I skive off?" Harry complained. Hermione gave him a severe look, more severe than professor McGonagall. Wow, go 'mione! ;p  
"You are not to skip classes tomorrow. You will take the lessons and learn it." Hermione said cooly. "At least once in your lifetime, you should know about the wonderful arts of Arithmancy. The Ancient Runes too are absolutely fabulous! Did you know that--" Hermione lectured not only to Harry about Runes but also to Ron for the rest of the journey as though hoping it would interest them at least a tiny bit. Ron gave a 'look-what-you-did-now' glare to Harry who replied it with a apologetic grin. When they said the password, Harry suddenly sounded flustered.  
  
"Good night guys. Goin' to sleep now." He said hurriedly. He was about to run up to the dorms when Ron casually grabbed his colar first.  
"Hold on there, mister boy wonder. Why in a hurry, are you?" He said.  
"Want to sleep before Lavender and Parvati comes up to the dorm!" He hissed. "And Ron, you're strangling me!" Ron was about to let go when the dreaded two came in at that exact moment.  
  
"Why hello Hermione!" Parvati and Lavender chanted sweetly then said dreamily, "Ron....Harry...." making their way towards them.  
"Oh no." Harry groaned. "Too late."  
Lavender twirled a strand of hair ditzily (A/N: is that a word?) while staring at Ron and Parvati did the same to Hermione. A sweatdrop formed behind Harry's head as he watched the two girls flirt airheadedly with his two bestfriends.  
  
"Uh...like, hi Harry!" Parvati said or rather giggled.  
"Ron...how are you like doin'?" Lavender said then joined her bestfriend in giggling.  
Ron had this confused look as though he didn't know why these two are acting like that, being the clueless git he is. And Hermione had her eyebrows raised.  
  
"Awesome catch like with the snitch today, Harry. You were like so hott out there!" Parvati managed to breathe out. A flash of disgust shown for a second on Hermione's face. Though Harry could've sworn that he heard Lavender added under her breath, "and steamy", then he cringed.  
"You too Ron! The way you like looked ever so focused...." Parvati's voice trailed away and blinked flirtingly. Hermione's eyes widened in horror. How dare they think of my best friends like _that_? Oh wait, this is Lavender and Parvati we're talking about. Enter their minds and you'll see green. (A/N: Get it? Green minded? Ok, that was damn corny)  
  
"Yeah....like Harry, you maybe want to like....y'know...." Parvati lifted a finger and stroked the person's chest down to the navel seductively. If she ever found out, which she never will, that the person in front of her is actually Hermione....  
  
"And maybe like you and I, Ron...." Lavender said while licking her lips, batting her eyelashes and leaning closer to Ron who was STILL looking puzzled. Finally, Hermione snapped out of her very shocked and horrific trance.  
"OK!" Hermione said loudly, taking a step back and trying to remove every single detail of the "interesting" mental pictures that were forming inside her head. Now she knew how Harry felt when he just snogged her boyfriend, homosexual and annoyed. "Um, we'd love to stay and chat but--" She grabbed Ron and ran up to the dorms. "We gotta sleep. Classes tomorrow--"  
  
Lavender and Parvati looked slightly disappointed but twinkled their fingers in their way of saying goodbye. Once the three, including Harry, met up at the landing of the boys dorm, Harry burst out sniggering.  
"Well, don't blame me! I warned you!" Then he cracked. Hermione glared at Harry while Ron STILL is confused.  
"Why? What happened? Why were Lavender and Parvati acting like that?" Ron asked ever so curiously and trulyinnocently. Harry stopped laughing suddenly and stared, so did Hermione.  
"What?" Ron said.  
"Do tell, which universe are you from?" Harry wondered out loud. Ron just continued to keep his expression.  
  
"Never mind."  
  

> 
> -------------Next morning-------------
> 
>   
  
The trio sat down on the bench in the great hall, filling their plates with eggs and bacon while they disussed their plans for the day.  
"First things first," Hermione began. "When in Arithmancy, always expect to be called beacuse Professor Vector always pick me. Oh and do sit up front! And when professor Vector says 'fish', duck unless you want to get....wet." Harry shuddered. He gets to take a difficult subject and be sprayed with human DNA. Oh joy! Ron snickered at the very thought.  
"Shut up, Ron." Harry groaned while taking his time in eating.  
  
They had Transfiguration first and it went fairly good. Though Professor McGonagall got suspicious on why "Hermione" is not doing her usual best work and why "Harry" suddenly became really smart(!). Next is Potions. Great! Well, they had to make a very special potion. The Wolfsbane potion! Since this is my fic, I'll just put that Snape assigned the potion since he was already fed up with concocting it every month for a certain werewolf. Hm, first he shoves the work to Harry then the whole class.... Anyways, back to the ficcy! Harry and Hermione worked next to each other, hoping to get the potion wrong again and get back their bodies. Unfortunately, Hermione couldn't resist. It was her instinct to get any potion right, once _exageratedly_ saying her life is depending on her grades.  
  
"Hermione! I thought we're going to do this! Don't you want your body back!?" Harry hissed.  
  
"Yes I do! But getting a good grade is important too! Surely you don't want to fail?" Hermione hissed back.  
  
"Hello! Earth to Hermione! I am stuck inside your body!"  
  
"I know that thank you very much! But Dumbledore is already working on how to get us back."  
  
"But if I put in the dragon's blood, we can change back sooner!"  
  
"No don't! Who knows what can happen if you put that in!"  
  
"We will change back!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Potter, Granger."  
  
Hermione and Harry stopped bickering when they heard the spine chilling voice and slowly turned around to face the greasy potions master.  
"Talking during class? Tsk, tsk. Ten points from Gryffindor." Snape said smoothly. The Gryffindors didn't even bother watching. They just continued with their potion, knowing ahead of time that Snape will take off points. And Draco Malfoy was watching them with eyebrows raised.  
"Since you two are having a nice chat together, I would believe that you are finished with your potion." Snape pushed Harry and Hermione apart who were trying to hide their cauldrons. Snape looked at Harry's potion. Little smoke were forming above it. At this, Snape looked like he just tied a screaming James Potter to a tree and let loose a houseful of blast ended skrewts next to him.  
"Well miss Granger. It seems your that potion doesn't quite suffice me." He said, not trying to hide his smirk which already seemed like a huge grin. The real Hermione was positively red in the face while Harry pretented to look embarassed. Every single Gryffindor stopped brewing and stared at Harry with the greatest look of shock they could muster. Gasp! Hermione Granger failed? Oh we are doomed! Somebody spare us! Ok, very violent reaction....  
"Now mister Potter, lets see what have you done wrong." Snape peered at Hermione's potion, took one glance at it, and went off to bully Neville without another word. (A/N: Funny sight if you imagined it) And it didn't help that Malfoy went over to Harry.  
"Mya, whats wrong?" he said, his voice is full of concern.  
"Nothing, Draco." Harry manged to choke out sweetly. He then shivered under Hermione death glare.   
  
"What is wrong with you!?" Hermione snapped, full of frustration. "You made me look bad! Couldn't you follow directions?"  
"Well sorry! Is it not my fault that you got bigger brains than I do!" Harry answered sarcasticaly with a dash of innocence. Hemione said no more for she knew that there was major truth in the bigger brains remark. So she stayed quiet while they headed for the DADA classroom. No troubles there since both are really good which means no chaos. Oh well!  
It was already twelve after the trio performed a conjunctivus curse with great ease and slight boredom. Hermione and Ron filled their plates with food while Harry reluctantly read a book on Arithmancy that Hermione had, ah....'lent' him. More like forced him to read.  
  
"Hermione," Harry whispered holding up the book with difficulty since it was twice the weight of an encyclopedia. "Which are the sun symbols here?" Hermione stared incredously.  
"It's the one that looks like a sun! Duh!" Hermione stated as though he was a three year old. Harry's eyes flew back to the book and gave a sheepish grin with a matching "OH!".  
  
---------At Arithmancy-----  
  
Harry sighed. Another question was shot and it was the fifth time Professor Vector looked at him expectantly for a minute before calling another person. Additional torture, they had a test on symbols and measurements on planet angles. Poor professor Vector nearly fainted (so did half of the class) when she glanced at Harry's paper. The only correct answer he got was about naming the sun symbol. After that, lecture on constellation angles.  
"Now see here," Professor Vector started. "The constellation Taurus--its the one with the bull--in the northern hemisphere has this acute angle with Pisces, the fish--" The whole class duck but Harry got caught offguard. Little spit flecked his face as he gave an expression of deep disgust. He dropped his head in frustration.  
  
"This can't get any more worse." (A/N: It can, you know!)  
  
Hermione and Ron were debating on their last subject while walking to the Arithmancy classroom. ("Hermione, I know that Trelawney's predictions are a pile of [censored]!") They met up with Harry who was having a talk with an extremely concerned Vector.  
  
"Are you sure you're alright, miss Granger? You failed a test and didn't recite in class! What ever is the matter?" Professor Vector said, feeling Harry's forehead.  
"No. I'm ok professor. Its...just a lot on my mind today." Harry said weakly.  
the professor sighed. "Very well then. Feel better next meeting." She cocked her head slightly. "Goodbye miss Granger. It seems that you're not yourself today." Harry made a move to turn and run away but not before he said, "Interesting choice of words there, professor."  
  
"YOU FAILED A TEST!? YOU FAILED AN ARITHMANCY TEST!?!? DON'T YOU REALIZED WHAT YOU'VE DONE!?!?" Hermione screeched when professor Vector closed her office door. Harry cowered in fear while Ron had his arms over his head, bracing himself for the impact.  
"Sorry Hermione! I really can't memorize one whole book in--one--hour...." Harry managed to squeak out. Many onlookers were staring at them, including Malfoy, Dumb and Dumber. Oops, I meant Crabbe and Goyle! Hehe!  
  
Hermione was breathing heavily in anger when she realized that many people with curious looks on their were surrounding them.  
  
"Hey Potter! Don't you know that it's very un-gentleman like to scream at a girl? Oh and also which happens to be my girlfriend?" Draco Malfoy drawled loudly, now catching the attention of everyone. Hermione whipped around and her anger faded quickly.  
  
"Oh....erm...." She tried to say, obviously feeling very embarassed. She did not know what to say and the curious stares of everyone didn't help her think. Thankfuly, Ron pitied her and started shooing everyone away.  
  
"Ok people! Move it! Classes start in three minutes! Move it! C'mon, move--I'm head boy for your information, Summerby--" Ron said loudly and making hand gestures. Though the only people that didn't move were Malfoy and his two idiots.  
  
"Well Malfoy?" Ron said cooly.  
Malfoy stepped forward and sneered, "I just want to talk to Hermione, Weasley." For a second Ron's mouth twitched and stepped aside for his worst enemy to peel his best friend of the wall. He was feeling particularly evil at the moment and he thought that he'd let his best friend suffer a little.  
  
"Alright Mya?" Draco said. Harry gulped and nodded. The bell rang, signalling the start of classes. Harry was about to run of to Charms when Draco kissed him on the lips again then swaggered off. "See you at the library!" He called out. Harry smiled forcibly then gagged as Hermione grabbed him and Ron to Advance Charms.  
  
When they emerged from the classroom, Harry, Hermione, and Ron red in the face though with different meanings. Harry's face was red because of embarassment, Hermione of anger (duh!), and Ron because he was trying to hold in his laughter. No need for me to explain what happened. Ok, its quite similar to Transfiguration earlier.  
  
"I swear, Harry! The Blowing charm isn't that difficult. You just have to wave your hand to the north not northeast!" Hermione snapped. Harry was going to retort when Ron nudged him in the ribs and shook his head which clearly told him not to start Hermione from screeching. But Harry was feeling rather stubborn at the moment.  
"I thought professor Flitwick said northeast anyways!" Harry grumbled while Ron slapped his hand over his face. Hermione suddenly stopped walking and judging by the expression on her face, she's going to explode any second. Note; her right eye is twitching.  
  
"Oh Harry!" She said dangerously sweet. Harry stood next to Ron and shivered under her freezing glare. He took his eyes of Hermione's face and look somewhere else so he won't have to die. His eyes landed at area above Hermione's shoulder and he saw Parvati just right behind her with a _coughcough_naughty_coughcough_ look. Before he can react, Hermione suddenly gave a little yelp and jerked foreward and was about to rub her butt then remembered whose body she was still stuck with. And in the next second, Ron did too jerk and turned around to see who had slapped him in the ahem! butt. Hermione whipped around and found Parvati winking and blinkling flirtingly. Same with Lavender to Ron. Hermione looked a little outraged while Ron still looked confused, and Harry snickered uncontrollably.  
  
"Glad I'm not in my body right now!" He sniggered.  
  
"Quit laughing or you'll find yourself in a very very horrible situation." She snarled.  
Poor Harry, what he won't know what will happen the next morning, or rather the next chapter.  
  

> 
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
> 
>   
  
IT IS DONE!!! Now you have to wait for another month for me to update! Just joking! Well, I wish I was....  
  
A big super sorry for keeping you guys waiting! I love it when you guys review, so GO AND REVIEW!   
  
See you soon!  
-The Enchantresses-


	10. Harry's boxers finally revealed! and oth...

**Disclaimer:** Don't own 'em!

Another chappie up! THE 10TH CHAPTER!!! parade music plays and confetti and balloons fall from ceiling I'm so happy I could cry! But I won't! Ok I will! SOB!

Thank you, guys! You complete me! That was really corny....

**drxd:** Got that right! Good guess!

**PottersGirl13:** That was a long review! Well, I'm not really planning on any H/Hr romance, sorry! I just put the D/Hr (actually, I favor any kind of pairings, not only D/Hr. Except slash! Eeww!) because it would create more awkward situations with Harry. I'm more comfortable with writing humorous fics than romance, but I try y'know! But hell thanks! Glad you loved it! Sorry again about the no H/Hr romance!

**diamond004:** Oh yeah! He is! Well, if you took a look at my (random) autobiography, you'd see that I live in the Philippines. I was just born in LA. Thanks!

**hp-0bsessed:** Thanks! Glad you loved it! After reading my fic, obviously Dan! And maybe go somewhere more than just a date....OOPS! There goes my mind again. ;p

**Granger-gurl-rox:** Yay! New reviewer! Thanks!

**Lauren Booth:** Thank you! :p

**DanFan:** So sorry about your butt! Thanks!

**The Prophetess: **I like your name! I'll try next time or next chapter! Thanks!

**Nymoue:** Oh just a couple of words mentioned in the 4th chapter! ;)

**freak-on-a-leash16:** Thank you very much!

**Destiny13:** Oh yeah! Ron sure is clueless! Thank you!

**UniMyth:** Gee thanks! I thought I overdid a little on Hermione's character though! But thanks for confirming it!

**KrAzYkEyZ:** I'll try! I'll try! I'll try! ;p Hehe Thanks!

**jenjenjenfur:** Hey you again! Yeah thanks! Heard of the movie "Along Came Polly"? Now I think FERRETS are adorable. Imagine a a white ferret with a blonde wig and robes. Aaw, cute!br br Bwondergirl03:/B Okie-dokie wondergirlerini! ;p

**dramione4ever:** Haha, I see you did your research! Yup! And I'm proud to be a Filipino! )

**Halo Friendlies:** K, I will! Thanks!

Time for a little speech since this is my 10th chapter!br br Thank you to all my readers and especially the peeps who reviewed every single chapter! From the start, I never thought my fic would be so funny that I would make anyone lol! Really! It never crossed my mind that many would fall off their chairs, bang their fist on the computer table, and the sort. And I even made my best friend and another friend of mine laughed like hell! I think I busted her lungs though.... Anyways, THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND REVIEWS!!! COOKIES FOR ALL OF YOU!!! tosses cookies to everyone and confetti & balloons falls from the ceiling, again

**_Previously:_**

_"Glad I'm not in my body right now!" He Harry sniggered.br br "Quit laughing or you'll find yourself in a very very horrible situation." She snarled._

_Poor Harry, what he won't know what will happen the next morning, or rather the next chapter._

**Chapter 10: HARRY'S BOXERS FINALLY REVEALED!!! And other stuff**

Harry flourished his last sentence about the constellation angles with heavy eyelids. Hours ago, he was spared with Hermione's anger being diffused by Parvati. And in addition, word spread quickly throughout the entire school that Hermione Granger actually failed a test and concocted a potion wrongly! Though she did let out her anger on him somewhat by forcing him to change his eh, pad, with his eyes shut tight. You know what kind of pad, ok? wink, wink ;) He put away the Arithmancy assignment and was about to fall asleep on front of the fire when Ron poked him awake and helped him up the stairs so he won't have to fall down sleeping. With Hermione's help, or rather Harry's own body strength, they managed to lay him on the bed without waking him up, not that he won't be able to anyways.

"Well 'mione, he's not used to working really late at night." muttered Ron to Hermione as they exited the girl's dorm very very quietly.

"I know." Hermione whispered. "But at least he learned loads on Arithmancy!" A sweatdrop formed behind Ron's head as he rolled his eyes. As Ron climbed in to his respective bed and fell asleep immediately, Hermione crawled to Harry's trunk and pulled out something that'll probably be added to a "Hogwarts, A History" books....Jaws music plays on the background

Next morning, Harry awoke with the sun nearly blinding him. Or maybe he awoke due to the noise Parvati and Lavender were creating by looking for Parvati's eyeliner. Groaning, Harry got up, mumbling a reply to the cheerful good mornings the two girls were giving him. After his usual very awkward shower, changing of clothes, and dodging Lavender who wants to put makeup on him, he went to the common room to find it unusualy empty.

"That's odd" Harry thought. He went ahead to the Great Hall, thinking that Hermione and Ron were waiting for him there. But as he enetered the Great Hall, there were quite few people having breakfast. And all of the Slytherins were gone.

"Defenitely odd" he thought. He also saw the doors leading to the front lawn wide open and loud hearty laughs were being carried inside the Hall. Curious, he ran outside to see the commotion. A large crowd met him and seemed to be laughing and pointing up at something. Harry followed their fingers and became petrified.

The Enchantresses: Here it is! One of the moments we've been all waiting for! And I think I'll take this opportunity to thank the people who--

readers: AHEM!

The Enchantresses: erm, never mind.

A pair of boxer shorts hung on a flagpole with the famous Harry Potter's grinning face and cute little snitches fluttering every second (A/N: note, the pictures move!) printed on it and where the area the butt is supposed to be covered were the words in bold letters;

**"I'M A GOOD SEEKER"**

"Hermione!" Harry hissed angrily. Automaticaly, he scanned around for a bushy haired girl and a redheaded one. Though Draco Malfoy and Dumb an--urk, Crabbe and Goyle got to him first. Draco placed a hand on Harry's shoulder and laughed soundly.

"Mya! Shit, where IS Potter?" He gasped in between howls. Harry shook his head feverishly and ran away, in case Draco plans on snogging him again. He left his rival leaning on both Du--crap, Crabbe AND Goyle for support. Harry ran inside the empty Entrance Hall and leaned on the stone wall, breathing heavily and trying to flush all the redness in his face. While he slid down the wall, he heard more laughing. But this time, it sounded so familiar even though it was only one person. Harry followed the thunderous laugh and found himself on a balcony. There he found his, well, former body and Head (and laughing) Boy Ron and Hermione. They were watching the chaos and the boxers waving _proudly_ on the flagpole below. He slowly crept behind the two and listened.

"Oh Harry is so busted!" Ron was saying, trying to keep his level on sniggering but failed. "He'll never live this down!"

"I was originally planning on pulling down these pants and flashing them to the whole school but I decided this was less painfull." stated Hermione casually.

"Oh do tell." Harry said grimly and sarcasticaly.

Hermione's grin slid off quickly and faced her body while Ron Istill/I snickered at Harry's red face.

"Harry! Well, good morning!" Hermione said.

"Mornin' mate! Lovely day isn't it?" Ron followed suit. Harry glared and blushed crimson at his well, supposed-to-be best friends.

"Spit it out. WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?" Harry yelled. Instead of being frightened, Hermione kept a cool demeanor.

"Well," Hermione crossed her arms. "Firstly, you didn't even tried to do well at Arithmancy." Harry was about to instinctively protest when she stopped him with her hand. "Second, you are so insensitive when it comes to studies! Well, not so insesitive like Ron," She looked over to Ron who was now joining singing the school song mockingly with the rest of the school. "And thirdly, its your fault that we switched bodies!" she said lastly. Harry blinked, is this the same Hermione Granger that he knew? Why is she more...rebellious?

"Um, Hermione, why?" Harry asked weakly. "This is not you! Why would you do something like this to your own very best friend?" He pouted his lips and puppy eyed Hermione as to show innocence. She rolled her eyes and grinned at Harry slyly.

"People change y'know. In my case, a little revenge would satisfy me after all these years. Though I did pick up a few pointers from Draco...." She said the last statement thoughtfuly.

"But she's still the study-addict bookworm she is!" Ron added sunnily, which was quite true by the way.

The trio said no more. They just watched the crowd, or rather Draco Malfoy and the Slytherins, booming out the lyrics, "Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts" for the 30th time. Few minutes later, Professor McGonagall came out to the grounds and dispersed all the people. Though the trio could've sworn that the corners of her mouth were twitching obviously every time her eye caught sight of the tip of the pole.

"Ron?" Harry broke the silence between the three. Ron faced him with that deeply annoying grin.

"Yeah mate?"

Harry faced Ron and said firmly, "Ron, _please_, Avada Kedavra me **now**. I don't think I can live it down!" Ron pulled out his wand pointed it, taking aim.

"Sure mate! Anything to spare you a life of shame and dishonor. Avada--"

"RON! NOOO!!! DON'T YOU DARE!"

At the exact moment of Hermione's, eh, protest, the bell rang signalling the beginning of classes.

"I'll deal with you guys later." Harry angrily muttered, stepping into the cool shade of the castle.

"Where did you even get those shorts? You wouldn't even look at a pair like THOSE!" Ron said as they stepped down the stairs.

"Fred and George gave it as an april fools day present, which seemed unusually nice of them since not many people give out presents on their birthdays." Harry replied grumpily. He looked sideways at Hermione who had a calm expression on her face among all the laughing and jeering crowd.

_"This means war!"_ He said mentally.

"Hey Potter! Cool boxers!"

"A good seeker, huh? Malfoy's better!"

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts...."

Harry couldn't help but turn red every time a group of Slytherins kept coming back just to throw a couple of insults at Hermione. Earlier, Harry tried to explain to Hermione that she should look embarassed but they were drowning in a sea of insults and mirthful laughter and couldn't even be heard by themselves. Ron though found this highly amusing. He had to admit one thing, thank goodness that he is not in his body. If anyone found out that he had those pair of shorts way before, he'd rather wash Snape's hair (A/N: EEWWW!!!). Or maybe showing his boxers is less gross....

Hermione kept her expression neutral. As they entered the Transfiguration classroom, the whole room snickered suddenly at the sight of Hermione. But she still kept her calm expression while it was Harry who closed his eyes in exasperation. Mind if I add Ron's thoughts here? Ok thanks! He was thinking;

_"Ooh, this is going to the Hogwarts history books! Maybe I'll read that version to my kids one day... "_

"Silence class." Professor McGonagall stated. Immediately the class turned off though many kept glancing back at Hermione which painfully included Parvati and Lavender who were emiting giggles every five seconds.

"Pure hell torture...."

The trio took their time in walking to Snape's dungeon for Potions. Harry didn't talk for the whole time, in case he might throw up any moment. There they lined up behind the rest of the Gryffindors. As for the Slytherins, their loud hollers and guffaws bounced off the stone walls. Then the moment came. Malfoy stepped foreward, running his hand through his hair and crossing his arms which made Lavender and Parvati sigh dreamily.

"Well, well, well Potter!" Malfoy drawled loudly, ceasing all mutters. "Been looking for you! Hahaha! Cool boxers? Good Seeker? How can a good seeker play a game if there are Dementors around? Hooooo!" In response, the Slytherins all laughed like idiots even though that was an extremely lame insult.

"Hey Malfoy!" Ron called out, defending Harry before he can even pounce on Malfoy and blow his cover. "Tell me, can FERRETS catch snitches? So how can they be good seekers?" The Gryffindors not only laughed in response to Ron's reverse but because it was damn funny.

"Look who's talking, Weasley! You can't even touch the Quaffle!" Malfoy sneered.

Slytherins laugh like idiots.

"Well, the only thing you can catch Malfoy are colds." said Ron dismissively.

Malfoy glared at Ron who was laughing triumphantly. Though Ron felt that he was not yet finish with his remarks and starting to feel a bit more entertained. As Malfoy turned away while he ran his hand up his hair frustratedly, having enough, Ron said loudly, "I am not finish with you, sir 'great lover'!"

"What makes you say that he deserves the title of a 'great lover'?" Hermione asked with her eyebrows raised. Knowing him, it wasn't anything related to her.

"Haven't you ever watched him in front of a mirror?"

Gryffindors snickered when Malfoy freezed and turned around swiftly.

"I resent that Weasley!" Malfoy snapped.

"He resents that Weasley!" Hermione mocked. Ron bounded forward and fingered Malfoy's face.

"Yeah, I know I'd resent having this reflected in my mirror!" Ron quirked. Hermione just had to snigger. Malfoy huffed and tried to smooth down Ron's insult.

"He's just jealous of my good looks!" Malfoy anounced with his head up high. "Can't say that I blame him. Let's face it. Some of us have it, some of us don't." He winked rougishly at Lavender, Parvati then at Harry, who nearly blanched. Ron held his hands up to his face as though Malfoy has some sort of disease.

"I don't know what he has, but I sure hope it isn't catching!" He said. Finally, Malfoy cracked and his hands are balled into fists. He stomped towards Ron but a Hermione held him back. She did not want to see her best friend and boyfriend get into a fight.

"Now Dra--Malfoy! No violence!" Hermione said, the corners of her mouth twitching as though she was actually enjoying this. She separated a pissed off Malfoy and a really cocky Ron. She then faced the redhead, shaking her finger on his face. "Shame on you! He's sensitive as well as handsome! You shouldn't tease that way!"

"It's the only way I know!" Ron piped, shrugging his shoulders. As for Malfoy, he didn't think nor cared why Potter was defending him. All he knew was that Potter was speaking the truth and was actually smirking.

"You know, when Malfoy marries coughcoughHermionecoughcough, a lot of girls are going to be miserable!" Hermione barked, wondering how Ron will reverse this.

"Yeah?" Ron said questioningly. "You mean he's going to marry a lot of girls?"

The Gryffindors roared with mirth while most of the Slytherins looked sulky, and Harry was leaning on the wall for support. Malfoy slapped his hands over his face, however Crabbe blundered over to the front.

"I'll handle this, Malfoy!" Crabbe grunted stupidly. "I'll think of a comeback! Uuhhhh....Hey you!" Every single of the Gryffindors stared at him with eyebrows raised, anticipating his "insult".

"Shut up!"

Now the Gryffindors were all over the floor, including Parvati and Lavender. Seamus was shouting (actually gasping...) something about "lamest insult of the millenium". Malfoy's face reddened with embarassment and anger. He pushed his useless-150-pounds-of-fat bodyguard out of the way.

"I really showed them, didn't I?" Crabbe grunted with a of what he thought was smart comeback. Malfoy ordered him to stay at the back, in lack of saying anything else smart.

"That's it Weasley! You've insulted a Malfoy for the last time!" He bellowed. He made a move to bring out his wand but at last Harry had some sense to stop him from hexing Ron. Fortunately, he dropped his arm at Harry's slightest touch.

"You--you've got the brains of an idiot!" Malfoy managed to splutter out the first thing that came to his mind. Now the Slytherins laughed lamely in order to cover for him. And at that moment, Hermione stopped laughing and looked at Ron angrily who also stopped.

"Now that's not fair, Ron!" She snarled with a hint of mockingness, corners of her mouth twitching. She jerked her head at Malfoy, "Give 'em back!" Probably by now, the poor Gryffindors', poor because their cheeks are hurting, laughs are heard throughout the entire castle.

"Aw what's the use?" Malfoy grumbled as he walked to the Slytherin line and sulked like a five year old. At that very second, The grease haired git, I-I mean Snape came out of his office and sneered at the very now disordered scarlet clad students.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor!" He announced icily but it seemed that the howls were louder. Sneering he entered in to the dungeons without bothering to tell the Gryffindors off, thinking that it would be less stressfull if Longbottom wasn't there. Then again, there would be no one for him to bully.

"Ron, that was brilliant!"

"You really showed 'em!"

"Nice on, Ron!"

Ron was getting pats and congratulations on his back after Potions class. Harry mentaly noted to thank Ron greatly now that _most_ (A/N: only most, not all yet) of his fellow Gryffindors had forgotten about his boxers and instead spreaded to the whole school on how the Slytherins lost to an insult match by just one person. Then Harry was reminded on how he was going to get back on Hermione. Next class was Charms, then Care of Magical Creatures. It was during all those times Harry thought real hard for his revenge. It was History of Magic began when it hit him. He saw his idea and knew it was going to torture her more than her Boggart form. Now all he needed was the two persons seated on front of him...

"Oh this is going to be fun!"

After the bell rang, Harry dashed out of the classroom. His "evil" idea planted on his head. Ignoring the "wait!'s" he waved his hand to the two people a few feet away from him, calling out there names.

"Hey Lavender! Parvati! I need your help!"

-----------------------------

Author's note:  
Damn finally it's finished! So sorry if it's not as long as the last chapter. I just wanted to get this one done before you guys come and point a wand in my throat. See you sometime soon!


	11. Revenge IS sweet!

****

**Disclaimer:** Don' own anything!

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* * *

**Chapter 11: Revenge IS sweet!**

Lavender and Parvati turned when they heard their names being called out. "Yes, Hermione?" the two girls said in unison.

"I need your help--" Harry repeated. Whatever reaction he expected, it wasn't Lavender and Parvati looking at each other giving alarming excited gleeful looks. He took a step backward just in case.br br "Need our help? In like makeup tips!? Oh...alright! First, you can really use some blush and your--" Parvati ranted on excitedly and sounding creepily like a muggle beautician.

"No, no, no! Not that kind of help!" Harry said, horrified at the very thought of a makeover, especially if it's from these two.

"Then, like, what is it?" Parvati said. Harry grinned inwardly.

"Y'know, I've noticed that _Harry _is feeling quite...sad lately and I need you to..." He winked. "...cheer him up." He smiled knowingly to Parvati. "I'm giving you permission. Just for today only!"

Parvati squealed along Lavender who started urging her to "go for it, girl!" Parvati rapidly pulled out a tube of lipstick, applied it, smacked her lips, and ran at full speed, knocking a few people off their feet along the way.

"Oh and make sure you do it before dinner," Harry shouted after her. "or else it'll all come out again." He added the last part under his breath. He turned to Lavender, still grinning evilly. Lavender has then taken the opurtunity now that her best friend is physically absent by eyeing the boys who passed her. To be a little more specific, she was eyeing their, ah, "rear ends" and grabbing it. Ok, eewww! Forget that! _Obliviate!_

Anyways, Harry leaned closer to Lavender and whispered in her ear. "Y'know, Ron isn't too feeling his best right now, so maybe he'll like a litle something to make him a little better..." He left his sentence hanging to give Lavender time to do the similar thing Parvati did. Squeal, lipstick, and sweep off the people who were knocked off earlier by Parvati.

"I think I fancy a rest in the common room!" Harry said cheerily as he watched Lavender disappear from his sight. Knowing those two girls, his plan just can't backfire.

Upon arriving at the common room, Harry threw himself on one of the squishy armchairs facing the portait. He rested his head on one of his armwhile the other he used to observe his watch, muttering a countdown.

"In three...two...one--"

And at that exact moment, Hermione came bursting in to the common room, holding her mouth, looking sickly green and seemed to have red smudges all over her face. Quick as a wink, she ran up the stairs but not before mistaking the girls' dormitory for the boys'. From Harry's view, you can hear a loud "BLECH!" coming from the boys' dorm. Harry sighed deeply and contentedly, feeling satisfied with Parvati's "work". That was exactly what he wanted to happen. In the next few minutes, Ron came in, casually wiping off lipstick marks. Looks like Lavender found him...

"Hey Harry." Ron said upon spotting his best friend, trying to clear around his "lip area" of red lipstick. "Did I do something good lately? Cause Lavender just came and snogged me in front of the whole school. I wonder why?" Ron's face went from a vague cofused stare to deep wonder. Harry sank on his chair, resisting the urge not to let out all his exaperation on his very clueless-when-it-comes-to-girls red head best friend. Harry was about to open his mouth when the portrait burst open again and in came....Lockhart?(insert horrific screams)

"Problems with girls? Can't decipher their actions?" Lockhart announced in his cheeriest tone, holding up a bright pink book. "Why not read Lockhart's Guide to Girls? Guaranteed to--"

"Hey! You're not in this fic!" The omnipresent author yells, suddenly poking her head in. Insert a sarcastic "woopee" from the characters and enthuiastic "yays" from the readers.

The Enchantresses picks him up by the neck (A/N: I prefer the hair) and tosses him out of the computer screen. The blonde chick boy git, now shrilling in pain, bounces of the keyboard ,m;lk as The Enchantresses' sister flicks him away from the computer table and the author's maid sweeps him away. Now she yells while shaking her fist, "What did I tell you about sneaking in to my fic!? I just said that you're in St. Mungo's insanity ward most of the time! And no I won't advertise your stupid books!!!" Ahem, sorry about that! Continue please! (grins widely)

"Uh...anyways, Ron, can't you tell what Lavender thinks of you?" Harry said as though the latter incident never happened.

"Um, I guess she thinks that I'm...a pureblood?"

"NO! Well, yes but--It's just--she thinks--why--AH FORGET IT!" Harry let his head drop on the side but before he did that, he whacked Ron's head for being so stupid.

----------

"HARRY! RON! HELP ME, DAMN IT!!!" Hermione yelled somewhere in the corridor. It was one of those _rare_ times when Hermione is so desperate for something that she would swear. Harry and Ron sprinted down the hallway and found Hermione being dragged by the feet by Parvati. She was holding the side of the door tightly in order for her to avoid being trapped in an _empty_ classroom with Parvati. And I'm pretty sure you guys would know what would happen if she did.

"Yes, Harry?" he asked sweetly which gave Ron the cue (A/N: One day, Ron is going to have to _let out_ all that air in his stomach, if you know what I mean) to start snickering uncontrollably. "Whatever seems to be the problem?"

"YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT WHAT'S WRONG! DON'T LET HER DO THIS!!!" Hermione's fingernails were already scratching the wood of the door when Harry stopped Parvati with a snap of his fingers.

"Fine. Parvati, put him down." Harry said. The black haired female stuck out her lower lip and reluctantly dropped Hermione's legs. Harry helped Hermione up and made her face him. "Now, promise you wouldn't _ever _show my boxers to the whole school again or else!" he especially hissed the word "boxers". As for Hermione, she crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow.

"Or else what?" she said haughtily. Harry grinned evilly.

"Parvati?" Immediately, she gave Hermione a bone crushing hug and tried to pull her inside the classroom, ready to "torture" Hermione.

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! YOU WIN! NOW LET THIS (Hermione swore so badly that everyone stared at her in disbelief) CREATURE OFF ME!!!" Harry sighed and snapped his fingers again. Like a trained dog, Parvati loosened her grip and pouted again as Hermione skitishly hid behind Harry's back.

"Well, thank you. Now off with you." Harry said, having this feeling like he was an animal trainer. But Parvati didn't just go yet. She had a thoughtful look on her face, wondering aloud.

"But who can I snog then?" said she, tapping her chin. "Hm...how about Malfoy!? He's just at the second floor!" Harry was about to answer when he felt a sharp painful jab on his side.

"He's all yo--OW! I-I mean, he's..." he glanced sideways at Hemione who had her eyes narrowed. "...mine." He then shuddered at the very words he said.

"Oh, sorry Hermione!" Parvati cheekily said. "Now who can I...oh I know! Seamus!" She ran down the corridor where the few smart people had the reflexes to move out of her way to avoid being knocked down. Parvati's shrieks were already loud enough to hear without the echoes of the corridor. So what you can hear is, "SEAMUS BABY! GIVE ME SOME SUGAR!!!" and a very ear splitting bloodcurdling scream of terror with matching sounds of someone who is trying to run for his life.

The trio looked quite relieved that Parvati is out of their hairs.br br "Glad that's over!" Hermione sighed but not long before they harked another squeal that said,

"RONNIE!!! WHERE ARE YOU!?!? COME HERE YOU LITTLE HUNK OF A WEASEL!!!"

Harry and Hermione exchanged alarming looks and each grabbed either Ron's arms and ran to the Great Hall before Lavender can even spot them.

----------

"What a day!" Harry exclaimed as he and his two best friends entered the common room. Again, Hermione was recieving strange looks and whispers from her fellow house mates. Harry vaguely felt like wringing Hermione's neck for the boxers thing this morning though another feeling of satisfaction washed over him as he dwelled on his revenge earlier. Each person went to their respective dormitory and slept soundly, but not before Hermione totally "cleansed" her mouth. And when I say cleansed, I mean CLEANSED! Complete with toothpaste, mouthwash, Altoids, and the works.

Harry, Hermione and Ron plopped on the bench for breakfast and pulled the dishes of food towards them. Well, it was Ron who mostly did the pulling. Harry was about to eat when someone covered his eyes and said brightly out loud,

"Guess who?"

Harry groaned inwardly. _Does it have to be now?_

"Uh, Crabbe? Goyle? The village idiot?"

"No. It's me, Mya!" Draco Malfoy said as he shoved Hermione to make some space for him to sit. Ron choked in his pumpkin juice and Hermione watched with envy and slight indignation as her boyfriend wrapped his arm around Harry's waist. Why do I get that feeling that I'm writing a slash fic?

"Oh Draco! Looks like I was quite close to my last guess!" Harry said, mouth dripping with sarcasm. He tried to control himself not to give a Malfoy a deformed nose so he just settled with imagining it. Draco Malfoy didn't even catch his sarcasm and chuckled at Harry's remark.

So for the rest of the trio's breakfast time, Draco sat with them. He alternatedly ate and talked to Harry while caressing his hand or cheek. As for Harry? well...he was sort of feeling...sick. Ron let out sniggers every two minutes and Hermione ate pleasantly. She secretly called this "date" as her own payback. But as of course, she wished that she was at her own body at the moment.

The bell rang and the trio got up for Transfiguration class. Harry tried to duck away from Draco, who was about to give Harry a kiss, but was unsuccessful. Draco held on to his neck and kissed Harry. As soon Harry and company were outside the classroom, Harry bended over and gagged. Fortunately, Draco made Harry lose his appetite again which means he won't be throwing up during McGonagall's lecture on animal switching spells.

Harry wearily sat down next to Hermione but not before she was knocked off her seat by none other than Parvati.

"PARVATI?" he said incredously. But Parvati paid no attention. She stared at Hermione dreamily, twirling a strand of her hair. Harry was not in a good mood at the moment (thanks to Draco) and before Parvati can say something that'll probably make Hermione turn green, he pulled out his wand, pointed it at Parvati, and said clearly,

_"Wingardium Leviosa Parvati"_

Parvati gasped as she was lifted into the air and landed on her own seat, far away from the trio. As she did, she scowled at Harry and sulked on her own.

"Thank Harry!" said Hermione gratefully. Harry nodded and took his seat. He turned to Ron, sighed exasperatedly, and again pulled out his wand and pointed it.

_"Wingardium Leviosa Lavender"_

A dreamy looking Lavender was lifted to the air off Ron's lap, who had a very perplexed look plastered on his face, and settled next to Parvati. She had the same expression as her best friend's but was unable to do anything since McGonagall just entered the classroom.

The trio quickly scooted out of the classroom as soon the bell rang, in fear of two certain girls. They sprinted to their next class, History of Magic. As they took their respective seats, Ron dropped his head and began his nap. Harry was about to rest his head on his hand when Hermione produced some parchment and a quill from her bag and shoved it under Harry's nose.

"What?" Harry asked irritably. Hermione just grinned.

"Since you're in my body, you'll have to take down notes. I don't want people to think that I'm getting lazy." She smiled and relaxed her head on the desktop. "I do fancy a break."

"And if I don't copy notes?" Harry said stubbornly. He wasn't ready to copy boring lectures from Binns. And it is such a warm day....

"Then we fail our N.E.W.T.s and I get very angry!"

As Binns droned on about Grindelwald and the Elves' bloody and very vivd war, the class was catching up on their "zzz's", except Harry who was trying so hard not fall asleep and jotting down notes. Hermione's "or else" reason was already considered as a threat. His eyelids felt heavy and wanted very much to rest his head down. Hermione and Ron slept peacefuly. Well, though I'm not sure if Ron sleeps peacefuly. And the other two people who were able to stay alive were Lavender and Parvati. Lavender had a magic version of a muggle CD player with it's ear pieces stuck to her ear. She was a humming a catchy tune while Parvati was reading a magazine called "Teen Witch". When Harry finally had enough, he dropped his head on the table, eager for some shut-eye. But the exact moment after he just closed his eyelids, the bell rang. Immediately, the whole class awoke, yawned and stretched, feeling satisfied with their refreshing nap. Groaning loudly and feeling mortally irritated, he slowly gathered his notes which was filled with mostly ink stains.

----------

At the common room around 11:00, the trio were doing their homework. And begging Hermione to copy homeworks wasn't the wisest thing to do at the moment. After all is done, she yawned and suddenly, looked fearful. She jumped up her seat and paced around rapidly and jumping up and down, whining every three seconds.

"Um, Hermione? What in sanity's name are you doing?" Ron said tentatively while Harry watched her act like a three year old.

"I gotta go!" Hermione whined.

"Go where?"

"You know what I mean!"

"Oh!" Ron said and before he can even start, Harry raised his eyebrows, a grin threatening to erupt on his face. "Looks like you're going have to hold 'the part'!" Ron commented.

"What part?" Hermione said quizzicaly.

Harry rolled his eyes. Is she this clueless? "The...guys' part?"

"AAHHH!!! NOT AGAIN! EEWWW!" She shrieked, her pace building slowly to a dangerously fast speed.

"You mean you never held a guy's part?" Harry said mischievously. He was enjoying this form of entertainment, torturing Hermione to go to the loo. Though he added under his breath, "Aside from mine?"

"Well I--HELL NO!" She forgot a moment who else was in the room. Ron was lau--Oh come on! I'm sure you already know his reaction! It's been mentioned so many times in this fic! And the memory of going to the bathroom last Friday was still clear and vivd in her mind.

"So you haven't?" Ron chirped up while gasping for air.

"NO! THAT'S REVOLTING!" Heermione nearly screamed. Ron's mouth twitched violently.

"Not even Malfoy's?"

----------

"Oh that's gonna leave a mark!" Harry said as he eyed Hermione storming up to the boys dormitory. Ron was touching his now swollen, twitchy, black eye gingerly. "You should know better, Ron," Harry casually said, turning to look at his idiot but best mate. "When she's pissed off, best stay away. Espescially when she has that huge Arithmancy book with her or even worse, when she's PMS'ing. For once, I pitied Malfoy when she caught him copying her Potions essay...She was scarier than Voldemort singing 'Toxic' while--"

"I HEARD THAT!"

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**A/N:** Sorry I took so long! I was sorta suffering from writer's block and my busy sched! So sorry also if this chappie wasn't as funny as the others. I'm running out of ideas! Damn me.... 

Look, for those readers who are quite disappointed that there will be no romance for Harry and Hermione, I decided to make it up to you with a fanfic with the ship H/Hr. Have you read it? It's called **"True Love Can Wait"**. Major H/Hr here! I'm pretty sure you'll love it! Read, review, enjoy life!

Llml Rock on Dudez!!!


	12. Diets, Homework Dates and a Moose!

**Disclaimer:** If I did own the characters, I would've been broke ages ago for hiring me a lawyer. Not that I can afford it....

REVIEWERS!!!! WOAH!!! It's been months!!! I lurv you guys too! Thanks to **somekid, Granger-gurl-rox, freespirit65, moontheala Amora, moonrider666, Charm12, monster-post, Ginny-W13!!!**

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**Jessica Weasly:** Suuure I'll keep writing! Who wants this to end?

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**Tabitha78:** Can you still breath?

I'm sorry to those of you who cried, died, dropped things, lost your asses, woke people up, got cramps, got dirty rolling on the floor, had to take medication, or otherwise had problems due to laughing. Sorry for taking so long! School has taken up most of my free time and a book that's gluing my nose to it's pages. And it ain't Harry Potter! I'm sure you've heard of it, it's called "The Da Vinci Code". I've finished it in 3 days! I recommend it anyone!

Tiny bit of rude humor in this chapter, so excuse me please.

**Chapter 12: Diets, Homework Dates** **and a Moose!**

Next morning before breakfast, Harry escorted Ron to the Hospital Wing, much to the exasperated groans from Madame Pomfrey. She slapped a piece of meat over Ron's black eye and then searched for a potion to reduce the swelling. The nurse left the two after giving Ron a nasty smelling dung like potion, muttering to herself, "...first enchanted chess set, then a broken leg, and then an attack in the Department of Mysteries! What's the worst that can happen!?"

"Girls?" Ron muttered as he sighed satisfyingly.

"What class do we have this morning?" Harry said, hoping to get Ron off the subject about crazy girls who had problems going to the loo.

"Herbology and Advanced DADA." Ron cheered up as he said the latter subject. Advanced DADA was the trio's favorite class. But his grin turned to a heavy look of disgust as he eyed the potion he was about to take. "You're serious?" he asked Madame Pomfrey with his eyebrows raised. The school nurse nodded firmly and retreated to her office. Pinching his nose, Ron gulped it down and made quite a face that can scare small children and people with weak hearts.

"I told you shoudn't have done that!" Harry said in annoying singsong voice, just to irk Ron. Grabbing his best friend's arm, he said, "C'mon, let's look for 'mione and get some breakfast," causing Ron to groan loudly. His idea of a peaceful breakfast usually doesn't involve a freshly pissed off Hermione and a _slightly_ healed right eye.

They found her eating already at the Great Hall. She was talking nervously to Parvati (Lavender's _still looking_ for a certain red headed boy) who had that dreamy look again. But as she spotted the real Harry, she pouted and moved away from Hermione.

"Mornin' 'Harry'!" Harry greeted cheerfully. He and Ron, who by the way sat at least two feet away from Hermione, began pulling all the plates of food towards them and stuffed their faces, much to the disgust of Hermione.

"Honestly guys! Pigs can eat cleaner than you!" Hermione snapped irritably. She pulled out her schedule diary from her bag and reviewed it as she mumbled out incoherent time tables. "Let's see...9:00, Arithmancy...I'll kill Harry if he fails another test..." she continued mumbling. "12 to 12:30, meeting with prefects...note to self, wring Ron's neck if he doesn't show up again...3:30, study session with--OH NO!" Harry and Ron looked up from their plates and faced her quizzically.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"I have a-a...study session on Transfiguration with Draco at 3:30! Hope you're good at Human Tranfiguration, Harry because you're going to need it, or else!" Hermione stated as a matter of factly. Harry spat out the eggs he just inserted in his mouth and looked at her angrily.

"ANOTHER--DATE--WITH--MALFOY!?!?" he screeched. He was about to round up on Hermione when a familiar cool voice touched their ears.

"Did someone mention me?" Draco Malfoy swaggered up to their table and smirked at Harry who now instinctively paled at the very note. "Why Mya! Honey bear! Good morning to you too!" Draco said uncharacteristically cheerful. He kissed Harry at the cheek and sat down next to him. The Gryffindors chose to ignore his presence ever since he and Hermione paired up shortly after September. Draco still has the marks when the whole house heard about their unlikely relationship.

"I hope you're doing well, Mya. Everything ok? No one disgracing you with his or her presence?" Draco said snootily as he bit on to a piece of toast he got from Harry's plate.

"You are," Harry muttered irritably, but it seems Draco did not hear. Then, just for kicks, Harry put on a very sarcastic sweet voice and batted his eyelashes. "I mean, who could be more...handsome than you?" Next to Harry, Ron drank, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and answered Harry's question in a carrying tone.

"Snape?"

With that, he recieved a whack on the head from a sensitive-at-the-moment Hermione.

"OW! What was that for?" He asked indignantly.

"For being an idiot!" Hermione snapped.

"Ok!" (A/N: Amanda show anyone?;p)

Luckily for Harry, Draco had to go back to his table saying something aout unfinished homework. Draco leaned sideways, telling Harry that he wants a kissy from his girlfriend (A/N: I think I'm gonna hurl. I just ate a doughnut!). Harry hesitated but sensing the knowing glare from Hermione, he reluctantly made to give a very short peck and be done with it. Being the suave git he is, Draco turned his head at the last second and instead of the cheek, Harry aimed at the lips.

"See you at 3:30!" Draco smoothly said. He winked rouguishly and sauntered back to the Slytherin table, leaving Harry to puke silently.

"That went well," Hermione said, watching Draco's back. "It could've been worst."

"Yeah," Ron said vaguely. Pulling out a a large paper bag from inside his robes and holding it up, he announced sunnily, "Hey, who wants a frog?"

The bag Ron dropped on to the table was filled with nothing but chocolate frogs. Ron grabbed a pack and began to stuff it in his mouth. Harry reached over for one and was about to eat it when Hermione snatched it away from him.

"Hey Hermione! I was going to eat that!" Harry indignantly said. Hermione just waved the frog on front of his nose.

"You can't eat this!" she said snappishly. Harry raised his eyebrows.

"And why not, may I ask?"

"Because it is sweet and has many calories!" Hermione said in her know-it-all voice. "I am acustomed to eat sweets twice a week!"

"And why is that?" Harry asked, making futile attempts to get back the chocolate frog. Hermione drew herself up.

"Firstly, I want to stay healthy and fit. Second, you do know that my parents are denstists and they say that it is better if I lessen on the sweets if I don't want any cavities without disrupting the rules on the food pyramid..." She went on babbling about healthy eating habits and the causes of too much sweets while Harry banged his head on the table for making her rant endlessly again. Somebody has been reading muggle health books lately...

"In a much simpler sentence than that," Ron cutted in. "She doesn't want to become fat or else _Malfoy_," he said the name as though it murdered his sense of taste. "Will not like her!" Upon hearing that statement, Hermione stopped talking and stared at Ron incredulously.

"Excuse me?" she huffed angrily. "You think that Malfoy likes me just because I'm not fat!?" How much more of an idiot he can become?

Outside the Great Hall, Hannah Abbot was talking to Draco Malfoy.

"How come you don't like me?" Hannah whined.

"Well," Draco scorned. "It's because one, I already have a girlfriend and two, it's because you're fat!"

Ron shrugged. "Well, I'm just trying to see it from his point of view." Hermione's eyes flashed fire.

"Well, you are so wrong Ron! Draco likes me for what I really am! Whether I am a mug--Harry!" Her tone became a warning to Harry who had tried to sneak away from the heated discussion. She held out her hand and said knowingly, "Cough it up."

Sighing defeatingly, Harry dropped his hand into his pocket and what came out with it was a handful of chocolate frogs. Apparently he tried to sneak some into his pocket. He was about to continue leaving when Hermione "ahemed" loudly. Knowing it was no use pretending any longer he got the other handful of frogs from his other pockets, inside his robes and even his socks and hopefully got away with the others.

"Harry!" Hermione said warningly, already holding up her wand. "I can 'accio' them out for you if you like!" Sitting back down on the bench frustratedly, Harry reached inside his shirt and extracted out a few packs of the familiar chocolate (a/n: use your imaginations whether it was from the top or bottom of the shirt! ;p). He decided not to face her though not before looking at her and her twitching eye. She was about to say something but Harry was spared from answering when the distant bell tolled the signal of classes. Feeling red in the face, he quickly gathered Hermione's heavy bag and made his way out of the hall. With Ron grinning mischievously, the red head said loud enough for only Harry and Hermione to hear him,

"Hey Harry! Got a bit more in there?"

Hermione had enough. Just as Ron was ahead, she aimed her wand and muttered a well said spell. Now thanks to her, Ron's butt grew and swelled thrice its size. The moment it stopped "growing", the students behind them stopped and became dead silent. Using this silence to her advantage, Hermione shook her head and said loudly and clearly for everyone to hear, "Oh Ron, you were always a fat ass!"

Face camouflaging with his hair, Ron did the counter spell for the Engorgio charm and for once, shutted up while the rest of the school laughed and sniggered behind him. He too recieved a nice whack on the head from Harry. The trio fell in line for their History of Magic class and waited to enter. When they did, Hermione slipped her hand inside her robes and produced a chocolate frog as they took their usual seats at the back.

"Hermione, what are you doing?" Harry asked suspiciously as she began to unwrap it.

"Well, it has been a long time since I haven't had one of these," she said, smiling fondly at the piece of confectionery before her. She tauntingly took a bite and closed her eyes, savoring the taste.

"Hey! No fair! I want--no, need one!" Harry said angrily and reached out his hand to grabbed it but to be swatted away.

"I can't have my body to become unfit! But in your body...I can eat anything I want! Then again, chocolate craving does come with mens..." She looked thoughtful for a second then took another bite, teasing poor Harry who couldn't help but become miffed at the actions. He made a quick grab but came to the ground along with Hermione who still clutched the piece of chocolate in the midst of Professor Binns' lecture.

"Is everything alright back there?" Binns' asked wheezily. The whole class turned to the back the moment Harry and Hermione's head popped up from behind the table with nothing-is-wrong-and-we-weren't-fighting-over-a-stupid-chocolate grins and said in unison,

"Yes! Nothing is wrong, professor!"

Then without another word, Binns' raised his notes and droned on, leaving Hermione and Harry to glare at each other.

-----------

3:30 came like a blur, too fast to notice. Harry tried to make all sort of excuses such as "why can't he learn that by himself? Or is it because he can't read?" but to earn more glares from Hermione. In truth, Harry knew quite an amount about Human Tranfsfiguration having to learn them if he ever wanted to become an auror. He subconciously planned that he just teach Malfoy the spell five feet away from him and be done with it. And if he's lucky, Malfoy just might turn into a ferret again if he tries to get any closer.

----------

Harry came back to the common room around eight o' clock, not taking notice of Ron and Hermione who were nestled on the scarlet couches against the fire. He took fast strides to the dorms with his jaws locked tightly. The moment he reached the dorm's bathroom, he brushed his teeth hard, gurgled mouthwash, flossed and spat on the lavatory. Only Hermione can assume what happened.

"Stubborn pig, isn't he?" she said, raising an eyebrow. Harry nodded, trying to force out the flashbacks he was having. Unfortunately for Harry, The Enchantresses will take you to a flashback!

**FLASHBACK **(A/N: Yay! First time to do this!)

"Mya!" Draco called out on the school grounds. He was sitting with his head resting on his arms under an oak tree. That was the exact spot where Harry had spotted the unusual couple, um, "dating" without his knowledge and went on a rampage. He hesitantly sat on a spot of grass around five feet away from the blonde boy. But that action only made Malfoy inch closer to Harry who had no choice but to comply.br br "Ok, Draco," Harry said hurriedly, hoping to finish in time and get over with it. He was starting to get nervous "Eh...um, Human Transfiguration...yeah...uh, Oh God..." Malfoy sneakily snaked his arm around his rival's waist and made attempts to kiss him.

"Draco, do you mind!?" Harry sounded exasperatingly, slamming his palm on the pages of the textbook. Malfoy is now trying to kiss him on the neck, which only made Harry grind his teeth harder.

"Hm? You do that, I'm busy," Malfoy muttered, still playing with the idea of giving who he thought was his girlfriend a hickey. Harry used up all of his strength and patience in trying to control his temper but too late it finally reached to the surface of his skin. He slammed the textbook on Malfoy's puckers with crosses on his head.

"Listen _Draco_, we are here to study! And if you try anything else, I might as well give _you_ a demonstration on Human Transfiguration!" Harry tried to say as calmly as possible but his voice kept on rising up whether he liked it or not. This only made Malfoy chuckle lightly.

"Ok, ok! Ever the so serious when it comes to studying Mya!" Malfoy said fondly, trying to give one last kiss but found his nose being prodded at with a wand.

"I mean it," Harry couldn't help but growl. Malfoy finally gave up and learned everything Harry had taught him but of course not as detailed like Hermione's usual lectures. Dusk came like an eternityand Harry slipped the textbook back in his bag, stretching his body as far as possible. But as soon he stood up, he came face to face with Malfoy who wasted no time to kiss his boo (a/n: erm, I-I meant girlfriend!) "see you soon" which only lasted three seconds because Harry slowly pulled out his wand, pointed it at the back of Malfoy's platinum head and when he pushed away, Harry clearly said a spell that no one witnessed.

**END FLASHBACK**(a/n: Yay!)

Harry groaned, not only did he groan beause The Enchantresses just gave a flashback but because of the lasting image in his head of that "study session". Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he followed Hermione back to the common room. Sighing deeply on front of the fire, he closed his eyes in satisfaction. Until out of nowhere, Hermione spoke up.

"Where's Draco?"

Harry's eyes opened as he struggled for an answer to explain what he had done to him. He landed on the gray area with "um"s and "er"s. Hermione immediately became suspicious and glared deathly at Harry. "What did you do?" she hissed. Harry shifted his eyes gultily which Hermione caught.

"Where--is--Draco?" Hermione said a bit more steadily. Harry gulped, admitting that he can't hide his crime from Hermione, especially when it's her boyfriend that's involved. Sighing, Harry got up and motioned for Hermione to follow him. She did and Ron dropped his quill and too followed out of curiousity. They were lead to the breezy grounds of the school. Hermione's anger somewhat faded as she treaded behind Harry's heels. Stopping under a tree, Harry pointed dully to a huge lump of earth next to the tree. Hermione couldn't make out the shape until Ron shouted, "Hey! A moose!"

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**A/N:** IITTT'SSS DOOOOONNEE!!!!!!! So first in all, a **belated Thanksgivings Day** even though from where I'm doesn't celebrate Thanksgivings. And a **advanced very Merry Christmas to you all!!!** God help me that I'll get throught the next one!

Giggle, a moose is another inside joke between me and my sister!


	13. Poor dear Draco Moosie! Eh, I meant Malf...

**Disclaimer:** I have Harry Potter here! Aunction starts now! Let's start at three million, who's first? Well? Going once, going twi(gets ambushed by a bunch of lawyers and briefcases)

**Chapter 13:** Poor dear Draco Moosie! Eh, I meant Malfoy

After Ron's _very_ surprising outburst, Hermione just stood there with her mouth gaping wide enough for a toad to jump in. It took her long enough to say something. She slowly twisted her head 90 degrees and caught Harry in the middle of tiptoeing away from her rapidly anger-radiating body.

"A moose?" she said, her anger inflating steadily. "You turned him into a _moose_?" Harry froze from his "silent getaway" and moved to nervously scratch the back of his neck.

"W-well..." He stuttered. "Sorry 'mione...I-I didn't mean to t-turn him into a-a moose, i-it was supposed t-to be a _mouse_, but..." His accent ebbed away as he gulped and looked away from Hermione's eyes which seemed to spark fire. But before he did that, he could've sworn that the corners of her mouth tweaked a little and behind the fire in her bespectacled eyes was a wink of amusement. And just a foot away, Ron tried his very best to control his sniggers that were threatening to escape from his lips.

The moose that stood next to the tree seemed to glare reproachfuly. Although what distinguished the moose as a Malfoy was the tuft of blonde hair just between the antlers and that was giving off a snobbish aura. Hermione started pacing, her Head Girl status eerily possessing her and doing something that the real Harry can not do; be responsible.

"What do we do now? We can't bring in an oversized animal inside the school! It is stated in 'Hogwarts, A History' that rule number 58.3, category 6, _'no creature of any species more than 150 centimeters tall may enter through the doors, with the exception of levelled or more intelligence than human beings, unless closely supervised by a person/s of high authority _(a/n: ah, I could go on forever!)'" Her mouth could've robot-stated the entire rule book if it had not been for Malfoy who cutted her off with a loud 'HOOOONNKKK!' that probably could've been heard from Azkaban.

"I think he's hungry," Ron said casually. Hermione gave him an exasperated glare.

"He's a moose, Ron. Not a _baby_!"

While Ron and Hermione began there weekly bickering, Harry didn't notice that the moose was coming closer and sniffed him. He jumped back reflexively and tried to avoid the outstreched tongue Draco was emitting.

"Um guys?" Harry called out shakily. The two paused and stared at either Harry's revolted and desperate look for help or Draco's long huge and slimy tongue attempting to lick Harry whose back was on a tree and stomach sucked in. "A little help here please?" Hermione rushed foreward to push Draco away but Ron had different ideas. He slapped the hind legs of the moose for distraction. It worked all right, but caused Draco to honk loudly at Ron's face. Waving his hand over his nose, he scowled.

"Ok, I can defitnitely smell the livers and onions we had for lunch today!"

* * *

Lesson number 1: Never turn your bestfriend's boyfriend into an animal of your choice.  
Lesson number 2: If so, make sure you say the spell correctly.  
Lesson number 3: NEVER EVER lose him from your sight! 

"Hey, where's Malfoy?" Harry suddenly asked. He, Ron and Hermione gave all their efforts into pushing Draco inside the castle after which they leaned on the stone wall to catch their breaths.

"I dunno. He was just right in front of us!" Hermione exclaimed wildly. They exchanged looks and ran off in search for the missing moose (a/n: gets into wild fit of sniggers Get it? Missing Moose! -maniacal laughter- I better not drink iced tea at night time...), each of them calling out his name.

"DRAAAACO!"  
"MAAALFOY!"  
"MOOOOSIE! OW!"

Ron got walloped in the head by Hermione, hard. Heard among the echoes of the Entrance Hall were shouts for Draco and unknown to them was the gentle clopping of hooves. They shushed each other suddenly and listened for sounds. The clopping got distantly soft with each second passing. Shooting worried looks, they hurried forward and found the doors to the Great Hall closing with a snap. They didn't say anything for a while as they wondered how to get a moose out of the Great Hall without any awkward moments, which I consider is like hexing Snape's hair hot pink during a Potions class trying not to get caught.

"Well," Ron chirped up, trying to lighten the mood. "I told you he was hungry!"

"...yeah right and then like so," Parvati was scoffing. "If I_ did_ have dead hair cells on my very head, then I'd believe that...a moose will burst through the door being chased by...Harry, Ron and Hermione!" Sounding oddly specific, Draco did burst into the Great Hall and with Ron catching up, following closely are Harry and Hermione; their arms outstreched wildly. A very shocked Parvati dropped her jaw, held up hair in horror and fled from the table in search for the nearest hair salon.

Pulling and pushing hard and using all of their strengths to get Malfoy out of the Hall with the whole school watching (Hermione overheard a pair of Ravenclaws exclaiming about McGonagall getting a magical face lift and overdid it) was another experience they would NOT mind ever experiencing again.

Spying a a carrot stick lying on one of the golden plates, Harry snatched it and dangled it in front of Malfoy's nose. Malfoy the moose sniffed the vegetable and followed Harry outside of the Great Hall. And Hermione actually had the time to exasperatingly exclaim that he is not a rabbit nor (she glanced at Ron) a baby.

"Ok," Hermione panted, sweeping a sweaty mess of Harry's black hair back after shoving Malfoy inside a broom closet. "What do we do now?"

"How about we behead him?" Ron suggested. "His head would make a good display over the common room fireplace!" Pretending that she did not hear him, she continued.

"Let's go to the library and find the countercurse! That is unless somebody already knows it..." She glared pointedly at Harry who shook his head sheepishly.

"I do know the countercurse for a clam," Ron chimed, earning the oh-that-really-helps-a-lot-thanks! expressions from the two. But of course since this is my story, the worse ain't over yet! An eerily familiar spine chilling voice called out,

"What is going on here?"

The trio whipped around and sweated under the hard gaze of Hogwart's very own Potions Master, Professor Git! I-I mean Snape.

"What are iyou three/i doing here?" Snape crossed his arms and glared. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other, wishing that any of them would come up with a perfectly good excuse.

"We...uh, w-we...um..." Hermione attempted.

"We were...ah damn..." Harry too tried.

"Practicing on singing," Ron said finished lamely. Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Singing mister Weasley?" They all nodded feverishly, hoping that Snape'll buy it. He looked around as though he knew what they were hiding. He gave one last stone cold glare and turned away to finish his supper, until of course Malfoy said that he wanted more carrots.

"HOOOONK!"

Snape whipped around. "What was that?" he cited venomously. Harry thought fast and came up with a ridiculous alibi that may just save them.

"Um...Ron singing?" Snape's eyes swept the deserted corridor and turned back to glaring.

"Really, miss Granger?" They nodded again. "Twenty points from Gryffindor," he said curtly. The three Gryffindors looked indignant.

"What for?"

"That was terrible!" snapped Snape. His midnight robes billowed out when Malfoy sounded off again.This time Ron opened his mouth and lip synch the complaints of Malfoy and at the same time demanded for justice.

"Sir! That is-HOOONK-unjust! Wait'll-HOOONK-professor-HOOONK-Dumble-HOOONK-dore hears-HOOONK-about-HOOONK-this!"

Snape turned, sneered and walked right out the door.

Silence.

"That was so close!" Hermione said. Harry nodded and turned his head just in time to see that Malfoy was in his face already.

"WHAT do we do with him?" Harry said frustatingly as he tried to shove Malfoy away from his face. Ron looked disgusted at the animal next to him and arched his eyebrows.

"Can we kill him?" The freckled boy asked hopefully, thinking that this might be the best, simple, and slightly messy solution. Inside the Great Hall, the students immediately stopped talking when they heard a very loud slap that echoed throughout the walls followed by loud groan of pain. The students shrugged and carried on with their conversation.

* * *

Dragging Malfoy to the library was actually an easy task if you were a wizard, in possession of a wand, and your name is Harry. Although the difficult thing about levitating a moose to the library is the mere thought that you have the power to bounce him off the walls and must resist if you want to keep your spleen. 

Finally reaching the library, Hermione bounded Malfoy with magical cords ("Sorry, Draco!") and while Harry distracted Madame Pince, Hermione and Ron quickly slipped in with a moose being held up in the air with a wand. Upon reaching a secluded place behind a towering shelf of books, Ron produced his wand and timingly stunned Malfoy as he was about to protest loudly. Hermione pulled out a large worn out book. The title was obscured by the peeling leather and decades of dust build up. Hermione delicately opened to the middle of the book and scanned the text. Her eyes traveled further down and squealed when she found what she was looking for.

"Here it is!" she whispered excitedly.

"What? The curse on how to change Malfoy back or how to kill him?" Ron muttered. Hermione just shook her head eagerly.

"No! The spell on how to permanently straighten your hair! Obviously this has got to work for me hence it was made for uncontrollable curls like mine and" She looked eagerly at her best friends and her smile faded when she saw their bemused expressions and raised eyebrows. She flushed brightly and mumbled things such as, "...oh right...sorry...carried away..." She cleared her throat and flipped a few more pages of the book. She pointed her finger and scanned the text for the solution then she stopped at the middle of the page and whispered;

"...compound spells, which are two spells casted at the same time, can counter any switching spells, mild curses, misuse of transfiguration...if we just compound hex Draco, we can change back!" Harry and Ron looked rather downhearted; Malfoy can't be a pain in their rears if he was a moose. Though they both secretly admitted that Malfoy can't stay as a moose forever, reason was mostly because of threats of sheer pain from Hermione.

Book in hand, she told Harry and Ron to stand three feet away, wands out. The next few minutes, Harry and Ron readied themselves to cast the spell. On Hermione's count of three, they would say the spell at the same time, much to the reluctance of Harry and Ron. When 'three' was uttered, Ron and Harry said clearly their assigned spells;

_"Refero fera terrigenus"_

_"Remeo bestia homo"_

Jets of blue light flashed the whole library that for some very strange reason (a/n: 'whistles innocently') went unnoticed by Madame Pince. Malfoy's long spindly legs grew in dimension and his antlers and long face shrunk and adjusted to normal human features. His animal body straightened and shrunk to a pale torso. In a matter of seconds, a pale blonde teenager layed on the floor, still stunned. Towering over him, Hermione whipped out her own wand and muttered, "_Obliviate_" and "_Ennervate_". The blonde boy stirred and groaned, sitting up in a pained sort of way. (a/n: Oh c'mon, I don't want Draco to be moose for the rest of my fic!)

"Wha' happened?" Draco moaned. Hermione had the instinct to hug him and squeal that he's back but didn't want her best friend Harry to look gay to Draco.

"You...uh...tripped?" Hary covered lamely, seeing that it is obvious as not to tell about the Human Transfiguration 'demonstration'. Draco's eyes showed heavy confusion and then disappeared when he saw who was looking down to him.

"Mya!"

Harry groaned loudly but managed to cover it up with an old fashioned cough. With no choice, he left the library with Draco who had put his arm around Harry's waist again. Harry reacted on reflex, which used to be called his instinct, by elbowing Draco hard on the side when his hand traveled eh, lower. Follwing in Harry's wake were Hermione and Ron, leaving Madame Pince to wonder how did she get antlers all of a sudden.

* * *

Retiring to the common room at around 11:00, Harry, Ron, and Hermione flopped on to a couch in unison, exhausted from their 'misadventure'. 

"That was...highly interesting," Harry commented. Hermione wearily nodded and so did Ron.

"Can we turn him into a clam next time?" Ron asked light heartedly, making the situation seem hilarious and praying that Hermione got the joke. Fortunately, she was too worn out to kick or whack him.

After resting for a couple of minutes, the trio got up from their seats and trudged up the stairs, passing by Lavender and Parvati who were using some sort of purple gunk on the latter's hair and freakily whining about dead hair cells or something like that.

"...taking care of it everyday..." Parvati was saying.

"...you just had to say 'moose'..." Lavender said. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other.

"What's with them?" Hermione said curiously. They exchanged glances then shrugged as though they did not have any connection with Parvati's dead hair cells.

* * *

A/N: Very loooooong time I haven't updated! Although I might update soon since my summer vacation has begun! May I please see those reviews in my email:-) 


	14. Just ONE more TORTUROUS day to go

**Chapter 14: Just ONE more TORTUROUS day to go...**

Hermione jerked to conciousness, feeling drenched to the bone with something cold, wet and sticky. She came face to face with none other than the annoying master himself...Peeves.

"Morning Potty! Had a nice sleep?" the Poltergeist cheerfully and creepily greeted. Hermione groaned and sat up, making a note of the stuff she was swimming in.

"Peeves!" she yelled, apparently revolted at the sight of herself. "What did you do? And what is this stuff?" She held up her hands and tried to shake off some of the dark yellow gunk. Peeves only cackled loudly, did an air somesault, and made a face that angered Hermione more.

"Do you know," Peeves began in what he thought was a 'for-your-information' tone. "What the Giant Squid eats? Because this looks to be the...remains of its meal!" he cackled evilly, flew out through the wall and out of sight. Hermione's jaw dropped at the slop she was swathed in. She got out of bed quickly and ran for the bathroom, where Ron came out just in time fresh from the showers. He took one look at Hermione and assumed simply,

"You too, huh?" Hermione literaly jumped under the running water and started rubbing herself furiously with soap and shampoo. Ron was leaning outside the door, drying his hair with a red and gold towel. "How do you think he did that?" Ron called out. "Going into the lake and getting hold of that...stuff?" He walked over to his bed, pointed his wand and said, '_Scourgify_!' His bed and Harry's were clean and dry, although the red head scowled heavily. "Ok," he said aloud. "My bed is going to smell like squid dung for the rest of the semester. The common room sofa is mine!"

When Hermione and Ron sat down for their morning meal, Harry was having a pleasant one himself of kippers and porridge. The three laughed and enjoyed their so far, so good _normal_ breakfast...that is until--

"AAAARRRGGHHHHH! POTTER!"

The whole school stopped their morning activities and looked up at the doors to the Entrance Hall. Here Snape burst into the Hall not in his robes but in a tube top and a mini skirt with his face made up and his now blonde hair in a ponytail (a/n: curls up and shivers in horror). The only way the students distinguished him as their Potions master was because of his huge familiar nose. Snape pointed a shaking threatening finger at Hermione, looking absolutely livid and at the same time strange (a/n: 'strange' might be the wrong word here...) in his ensemble.

"Spit it out, Potter! I know you did this! YOU DID THIS!" Hermione, who was close to tears suddenly looked confused but calm.

"You have no proof that this was done by me, professor," Hermione said calmly and tried to shove down the laughter that was bubbling up her throat. Snape was breathing deeply and his fists were balled up tightly. And for the first time, Ron wasn't laughing or sniggering with the other students but he was on the floor, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth, muttering to himself. Apparently, he was highly disturbed by the sight of Snape in...well...not in his robes. Then for some reason, Snape eyed her pocket and in one quick flash his hand darted inside her pocket and came out with what looked like...a tube of lipstick.

"Oh really?" he sneered venomously. "Then what is this?" Hermione continued to stare at him.

"That's not mine, professor," she protested calmly. And she was about to say more when Snape shrieked;

"150 points from Gryffindor and three months of detention every night!" With this, Headmaster Dumbledore stood up from his table. He has been watching the proceedings with humor.

"That's enough, Severus," Dumbledore stated casually. He then turned to Hermione. "_Mister Potter_, you will only take a month's worth of detention." Snape was about to protest when he was cut off by Albus. "Severus, why don't you get yourself...ahem, cleaned up." After shaking in his spot, glaring at every individual in the Hall, Snape turned his heel and marched to the dungeons. The moment the huge oak doors closed with a snap, Hogwarts, once before silenced by the presence of Snape, erupted into gales of laughter as Hermione stood on the table and took a bow several times before returning to her seat.

"_Harry_, that was great!" Harry said, so did the rest of his fellow batchmates. Once the noises and pats on the back died down, they all settled down. Although Harry realized something he hadn't before.

"Wait a minute...a months worth of detention...'Mione! You gave ME a month's worth of detention!" he hissed angrily. Hermione merely smiled.

"I know! That's the beauty of it. I get my revenge on Snape and at the same time...you!" she said, clearly unfazed. "You know what they say, revenge is a dish best served when hot!" Harry's eyes widened in horror. Knowing Snape, a practical joke like this could result to enternity of insanity. He wanted to wring her neck right there but the Headmaster stood up again.

"Seventh years who are having Potions in the morning," Dumbledore announced. "You may take the period as your free time, as to avoid the...uncontrollable wrath of your Potions professor." The moment he said 'free time', seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherin gave out cries of joy.

"This is cause for a celebration, right guys?" Dean said out loud as they exited the Great Hall. "Seamus' getting the food from the kitchens." But at that moment, Harry was already planning his sweet revenge. Although the moment the trio entered the common room, they were welcomed by two very well known girls.

"Harry! What a lovely surprise! We were just like talking about you!" Parvati said excitedly. She and Lavender jumped up from the couch they were lounging on awhile ago. Hermione gulped as they drew nearer.

"Harry," Lavender began. "We were just like wondering, with whom do you want to go out with to Hogsmeade? Parvati or I?" The two girls stared at Hermione expectantly, waiting for an answer.

iNeither of you/i Hermione thought. "Well...gee, I um..." she stuttered. Then without warning, the common room turned into a dating game TV show studio complete with blinking lights, pink hearts background and game show music. Lockhart jumped unexpectedly on to the stage wearing a lilac suit and a cheesy game show host/car salesman grin and wink combination.

"Hello and good evening!" Lockhart boomed proudly on a microphone. "And welcome to Gilderoy's 'Who do you want to go to Hogsmeade with?' Where we can find a pefect date for you! That's right! For you!" He pointed to no one in particular. "And introducing our very lucky contestant here, he is the Boy-who-lived...Harry Potter!" In the next second, Hermione found herself under the glare of the lights and propped on a pink stool.

"What the--"

"And," Lockhart continued proudly. "Bachelorette number 1! She loves animals, long hot bubble baths, and sushi! Heeere's Lavender Brown!" Lavender appeared with a 'POP!' on the stool, crosslegged and winking and waving.

"Bachelorette number 2! She likes long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners and Jell-O! Give it up for Parvati Patil!" Parvati waved as she did the 'call-me' gesture.

"And last but defitnitely not the least! Bachelorette number 3! She likes to kick my sorry butt for...entering into her fic...again..." Lockhart's game show host tone turned into a high pitched squeak when he read the card and looked at the person sitting on the third stool. The Dementress had her arms crossed and a never subsiding death glare. Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and tossed the card over his shoulder, looking highly uncomfortable and loosened his collar. "Ok! That was our show! Hope you enjoyed! We'll see you all next week! Good night everyone!" After emitting a high pitch scream, he ran around the Gryffindor common room with The Dementress on his path (Ron went over to the sound system and switched the game show music to chasing music) while the expensive pink hearts background collapsed on its back. chasing music still plays on background And that costed 750 galleons...

"I'm sorry! Don't eat me! I'll go back to St. Mungo's! I will!"

"You and your freakin' cameos! I swear I will stomp your sorry a--"

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Lavender and Parvati can only stare at the scary display of my temper. They watched as The Dementress stopped running and placed Lockhart in a box with a mere thought and then shipped him off to The Philippines (a/n: waitaminute! I live there!)...ok then to Mongolia (a/n: and if that doesn't work, to Jupiter then). She disappeared and the characters that were left were just standing there.

"Ahem, ok..." Ron started. Hermione just shook her head and pushed the two out of the common room to avoid any more conversations with Parvati and Lavender and unnatural happenings with the author.

**A/N: **puts up shield Ok, ok, ok! Let's see... sorry for not updating as soon as you wanted but y'know, I can't please everybody! I'm only a simple muggle and if I were a wizard, this story would've been up ages ago. Oh and sorry again for this short chapter...

Oh yeah and, thank you to MrsHPotter for the idea of Snape in a tube top and mini skirt!


	15. Harry Potter and His Sweet Revenge

**HARRY'S POTION**

**Chapter 15: Harry Potter and His Sweet (and Wet...) Revenge and Uncontrollable Angsty Attitude on a Certain Potions Master (Don't worry, the fic is not as long as the title)**

The moment they got out of Lavender and Parvati's range of 'perkiness', Hermione emitted a sigh of relief. Ron and Harry all seemed to be pleased about leaving the common room for now... that is until Hermione suggested using the rest of their Potions period for studying.

"Why don't we take this time to study for our N.E.W.T.s? After all, it is getting near. Only four months away! Can you believe how fast time is going?" Hermione was exclaiming wildly, dragging both Harry and Ron to the library even before the two could think of getting away. After passing Madam Pince (who, by the way, has now two stubby horns protruding from her hair), they settled in Hermione's usual corner with a pile of books concerning different subjects. As Hermione concentrated on a particular book, Harry and Ron were staring on the same spot for ten minutes already. Harry heaved a sigh as he read the word _water_ over and over again. But as he read that word for the 89th time, he remembered the revenge he was supposed to take on Hermione. Then out of the blue, he recalled the time when Dudley did that trick to him on April fools day that caused him to be banished to his room by his uncle. Grinning evilly, his mind wheels were in motion. He starts on lunch time... (Insert suspense music)

----------

"C'mon mate, I'm starving!" Ron was complaining. Harry and Hermione rushed after Ron to the Great Hall after an exhausting Herbology class. They were about to enter the Hall when Draco Malfoy caught up with Harry by running towards him (puts moment in slow mo and inserts 'in love' music).

"Mya, Baby cakes! I haven't caught up with you this morning!" Draco greeted heartily ('in love' music ends with a _screech_) as he put his arm around Harry's waist who tried to hide his groan with a small cough. Although Ron was too busy sniffing the food that was wafting around the room to notice that his best mate is being tortured again.

"Hello, Draco, dear!" Harry played along sarcastically with his teeth clenched and Hermione supervising him to make sure he doesn't give out. "What a wonderful time to brighten up my day!" He would have been telling the truth if 'brighten up' meant adding something else more annoying to his day of looking forward to a month's worth of detention with Professor Snot...I mean Snape. Draco smiled and gave Harry a wet one before parting to their respective tables. Harry was seething while Hermione tried to hold him back from jumping on Draco and pounding him to the size of a banana loaf.

"Harry! No you can't! You'll give me away!

"...and I'll replace his spinal cord with a weenie, oh yes I will..."

After struggling against with his own body strength, Harry finally settled down. During his meal, he began to plant his revenge. While Hermione and Ron were conversing with each other, Harry slipped out a small vial from his robes of the Sleeping Draught he sneaked from the Potions dungeon. Whispering _'Wingardium Leviosa'_, he levitated the open vial then banished it to the teacher's table, right above Snape's goblet, who was busy talking to Professor McGonagall. Harry gave his wand a little jerk and the contents of the vial spilled on Snape's drink. He then joined his best friend in their conversation as though nothing happened.

As soon Snape finished his lunch, he stood up, swaying a little as he staggered back to his office. Harry smiled as he eyed the Potions Master looking droopy and rather sleepy. He disappeared to the dungeons, yawning and rubbing his black eyes. Harry waited for a few minutes before pretending that he forgot something in the Common room and excused himself from the table. He looked around cautiously before stalking silently to Snape's office. When he was outside the office, he pressed his ear to the wooden door and listened. He heard snores coming from his potions master. Again, he waited before he entered the cold room. Twisting the knob, he peeked inside. There Professor Snape was sleeping on his table, face down, one arm outstretched and the other under his head.

"This will be the best one yet!" Harry muttered as he pulled a jar of water from his pocket. Grinning evilly, he unscrewed the lid, laid the bottle on the desk and replaced the lid back inside his pocket. He slowly and carefully lifted Snape's outstretched hand and placed it inside the jar of water, soaking his claw like fingers. Then, to add the icing on the cake, he displayed a yellow card on front of the jar with neat cursive writings on it before snickering as he tiptoed out of the cold, damp room.

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Harry, Hermione, and Ron emerged grinning from the greenhouses covered in head to toe with dirt and reeking of fertilizer. Their "little fight" during classes each earned an additional pile of homework. The trios were laughing all the way up to the common room to wash up before a familiar Hufflepuff boy ran towards them, panting and looking quite worried.

"What's up, Ernie?" Hermione said.

"I-It's Professor Snape," Ernie McMillan panted. "He looks like...like...like he's ready to kill!" The three raised their eyebrows. "Yeah, and word has it on the hallways that he's looking..." he turned his horrific glance to Harry, "...for you!" Ron and Hermione turned their confused attention to Harry who pretended to look just as confused as they were. At that very exact moment, a familiar chilling voice hissed throughout the hallway, nearly wetting Ron and a few other boys that were present.

"Granger!!!!"

Everyone froze on their tracks as Professor Snape came charging straight to Harry. He towered lividly over Harry who remained calm, then bowed his head to examine his "work" and sniggered. Snape has the image of a person who just had a "little accident".

"Do you know what you have done, Granger!?" Snape snarled in Harry's face, his long greasy hair jerking around his face. He was waving a familiar yellow card around.

"Um, killed your poodle, sir?" Harry said politely as possible.

"Oh really!? Then what is this!?" Snape shoved the card he was holding to Harry's eyes who backed away to read the text. Harry read aloud:

_Happiness is like peeing in your pants,  
Everyone can see it,  
But only you can feel its warmth._

Good day,  
HG

The people present at the very corridor tried to control them from bursting themselves up as the Potions Master shook violently as his fists were curled tightly into a ball. His face began to tighten like a balloon and his eyes were slowly bulging. Snape reminded Harry very much of Uncle Vernon, except that Snape does not have the figure of a pig.

"First we have Potter here! Now Granger!? What is this? Embarrass-the-professor-to-hell day!?" Being the multitalented teacher, he was able to spray and say it at the same time. Harry knew that he was mentally stating different punishments such as cleaning out every cauldron in the castle, being hanged by the thumbs, being fed to a herd of skrewts and lock her inside a room full pink bunnies, cotton candy clouds and little elves singing happy songs. The worst were scrubbing the castle squeaky clean with a teaspoon and using his homework as toilet paper. Fortunately, he was interrupted by professor McGonagall before he can think of anymore dastardly sick punishments he could give out.

"Severus, enough! What is going on here?" the strict Transfiguration teacher snapped. "And my goodness, why are your pants wet?" Snape made a noise that indicated exasperation before stomping off to his office, taking away house points left and right. McGonagall shook her head and looked around the corridor, barking;

"Everyone, back to your classes now! Classes just started three minutes ago!" Everyone scurried of to different directions, not wanting to be around a snappish McGonagall.

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"Hermione, that was brilliant! You rock!" were just some of the few words that were said by their fellow schoolmates. Harry received hand shakes, pats on the back and a heavy glare from the real Hermione.

"You do realize that I am going to get detention for this, right?" she muttered angrily as Harry shook yet another hand.

"Look at the bright side! Now were both even!" Harry happily stated. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out so she fumed silently, muttering incoherent things every five seconds. The trio were about to enter their classroom when Seamus approached them.

"Hey Harry, Ron! Don't forget our trip to Hogsmeade! We'll meet you at the Three Broomstick's!" He left Harry looking sheepish and Hermione looking confused.

"What Hogsmeade trip? Is there something you didn't tell me, Harry?" Hermione asked, puzzled. Harry groaned, he had forgotten about the boy's outing. And since he's in Hermione's body...

"Hey Harry, Ron! Over here!" Seamus waved at them as they entered the familiar pub. Hermione walked towards them tentatively, keeping a close pace with Ron. She had told Ron nervously to stay close to her for this was a boy's outing and she would feel so awkward with them even though they   
were her friends. They were about to sit down when Ron was jerked off his seat.

"Won-won! Come sit here instead!" Hermione watched helplessly as Ron was being dragged off to a table containing Parvati and surprisingly, Harry who had a look of pure torture. Hermione shot Ron as he sat down next to Lavender, shooting a desperate look that said; _'don't leave me alone here!'_

"Here you are, Harry." Seamus passed a bottle of butterbeer to Hermione and to others. Hermione looked around the table; she was sitting next to Seamus and Neville. Across her were Dean and a guy she knew as Terry Boot. Ernie Macmillan opened his bottle and gulped a portion of it.

"So Ernie," Dean asked. "How're you and Jessica doing?" Ernie shook his head.

"Dunno, I can't figure her out if she fancies me back or..."

Hermione had an hour to endure of boys' talk and bottles of butterbeer which compromised mostly about Quidditch, ("...then the Woollongong Warriors chaser's had the Woollongong Shimmy on and then--Wham! The Moose Jaw Meteorites were goners!") , love lives ("I keep dropping her hints but she still flirts with that Corner guy..."), off-color jokes ("The dragon was Jewish, right?"), laugh-trips ("Snort, I wished you would've seen it when I jinxed Zabini that spell that made him say 'piggy' every five seconds!") And let's not forget... girls.

"I dunno," Terry said. "What if Kathy'll laugh at me? I mean she is really good looking but her best friend--Amy, y'know her right?--will get hurt if I tell her." Others nodded in approval while Hermione drank in a mouthful of her fourth bottle of butterbeer and nodded. It has been interesting to listen to a guy's point of view on female problems.

"Hey Harry," Neville suddenly piped up. "You've been quiet. What's on your mind?" Everyone stopped talking and looked at Hermione.

"Nothing, he's just thinking of Ginny!" Seamus teased. Everyone else laughed and heckled Hermione who tried vainly to cover up her mistake of being to quiet. Well, if she was the only girl who was inside a guy's body, it wasn't that hard not to be quiet and feel out of place. They were about to squeeze information out of Harry when thankfully Ernie asked loudly;

"Hey guys! Did you hear about the one when a pixie, a hippogriff, and a banshee all walk into a bar..."

They all, except Hermione, burst into hysterical laughter.

On Harry's side, he had to endure the torture Parvati and Lavender was giving him. They kept bugging him, both wanting to know details of their relationship with Draco. Harry was seriously getting annoyed at the questions they were asking like, "How many times have you snogged him?" or "What did he think of that dress you wore the other day?" or even "Boxers of briefs?"

It was at dusk when most of the students decided it was time to go back up to the castle, including Hermione and the boys. Although it seemed that Hermione had a slightly fun time, they walked out still laughing their heads off. Hermione had a funny sensation of being really cheerful and laughed boisterously with the others. They staggered up to the castle, singing (more like screaming in the middle of October) "Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Prospero Ano Y Felisidad!" Once they got to the school, they burst into the Great Hall singing with matching choreographed dance steps and outstretched arms. As they finished singing the last part which was, "I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, from the bottom of my heart!!!" Neville collapsed on to the floor and started snoring. The only persons who clapped for them were Dumbledore and the Creevy brothers.

----------------------------

And that, ladies and gentlemen, would be the effect of too much drinks, second would be the urge to go the bathroom! Believe me, this has happened to me and my sister, and it was just iced tea!

Lockhart: And if ever you get high--(gets squashed by a fish)


End file.
